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> Real life headlines imitate The Onion's
akaCG
post Jun 28 2012, 01:06 AM
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First:

For those among us who are not familiar with The Onion, please familiarize yourself with it before you "play" in this thread:

Here's the Wiki article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_onion

And here's their website: http://www.theonion.com/

Second:

The purpose of this thread is for all of us to have lots of fun by posting hyperlinked real-life HEADLINES (and only headlines; i.e. no quoted excerpts and stuff) of real-life NEWS articles (not editorial/opinion/commentary/blog pieces) that are so absurd/ridiculous/uproariously humorous/etc. that they could have just as easily come from The Onion.

Third:

The subject matter of the articles/stories need not be related to politics, btw, although I wouldn't be surprised if it turns that most of them are. Kinda natural, what with this being a political debate site and all.

OK. Having taken care of the not-so-fun procedural stuff, let me start things off with ...

"Poll gives Obama edge over Romney on alien invasion"



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Curmudgeon
post Aug 9 2016, 04:52 AM
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Trump's love affair with presidency is over

Dahleen Glanton wrote this opinion piece in The Chicago Tribune which reads like it was actually written for The Onion, but was rejected for being too factual!

And glancing at the four year old poll at the top of this thread, has anyone repeated the poll to see which 2016 candidate would best handle saving the planet from an alien invasion???

This post has been edited by Curmudgeon: Aug 9 2016, 04:58 AM
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Curmudgeon
post Aug 27 2016, 05:43 AM
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Minnesota Republicans "Forgot" To Put Trump On Ballot..

Well that's 10 Electoral College votes that Donald can likely write off...
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akaCG
post Sep 1 2016, 12:13 AM
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"Half a million young Italians are about to receive free money to stay away from terrorism"


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Curmudgeon
post Oct 9 2016, 11:44 AM
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QUOTE('THE NEW YORKER' date='October 8 @ 2016')
Republican Party Could Recover as Early as 2096, Experts Say (link)

QUOTE
Davis Logsdon, the head of the University of Minnesota's political-science department, said on Saturday that the eighty-year time frame for the Republican Party to recover was admittedly optimistic, but still doable."




QUOTE(THE HUFFINGTONPOST date='October 8 @ 2016')


This post has been edited by Curmudgeon: Oct 9 2016, 12:30 PM
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akaCG
post Oct 19 2016, 10:38 PM
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"Madonna offers oral sex for Hillary votes"


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akaCG
post Oct 21 2016, 05:11 PM
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"Woman mistakes town meeting for Donald Trump rally and smears 30 cars with smooth peanut butter in protest"

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akaCG
post Oct 24 2016, 04:08 PM
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"Clinton lectured State Dept. staff on cybersecurity in 2010 video"

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Curmudgeon
post Oct 25 2016, 12:08 PM
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Eric Trump Poses With Woman Wearing ‘Latina Against Trump’ Shirt
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Paladin Elspeth
post Oct 30 2016, 05:44 AM
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Queen Offers to Restore British Rule Over United States:

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-re...r-united-states
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AuthorMusician
post Oct 30 2016, 11:25 AM
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Trump supporter tries to vote twice in Iowa because she thought the election is rigged.

Huh, talk about your self-fulfilling talking points!

Sending our ballots out to the county clerk today. No fraud here, no fraud here, YOU'RE the FRAUD!

I am wondering how my fellow hill dwellers will be handling their cognitive dissonance, being that this is a bright red district. My bet is that a lot will write in Romney. This is based on how long after the last national election that Romney/Ryan signs, some absurdly large, stayed up. I imagine a few will put down Perot, being as conservatism up here means living in the past, as remembered rather than as it actually was.
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AuthorMusician
post Nov 3 2016, 07:23 AM
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QUOTE(AuthorMusician @ Oct 30 2016, 07:25 AM) *
Trump supporter tries to vote twice in Iowa because she thought the election is rigged.

Huh, talk about your self-fulfilling talking points!

Sending our ballots out to the county clerk today. No fraud here, no fraud here, YOU'RE the FRAUD!

I am wondering how my fellow hill dwellers will be handling their cognitive dissonance, being that this is a bright red district. My bet is that a lot will write in Romney. This is based on how long after the last national election that Romney/Ryan signs, some absurdly large, stayed up. I imagine a few will put down Perot, being as conservatism up here means living in the past, as remembered rather than as it actually was.


Update 11/3/16:

A ride through the little towns scattered about this county showed me a lack of political yard signs, certainly an unofficial and incomplete canvasing, but still quite striking when compared to the 2012 election season. I figure nobody is all that proud about their choices, but it also could reflect a kind of apathy, not that it's not caring but that no matter what happens, people believe they'll be screwed.

I'm basing this rather shaky conclusion on the messaging this season. Nobody believes Trump's messages, and nobody trusts HRC's messages, and on top of that, it's been a bunch of bickering about crap nobody cares about, whether it's Trump's infamous sexism or HRC's damned email.

Trump wins and the markets crash because uncertainty kills them. HRC wins and taxes skyrocket because, um, it's expected from a Democrat? I don't think either effect will become reality, but I still won't put up a yard sign for other reasons. For one, I don't want to encourage donation solicitation; for another, I don't want some fool with a gun to take pot shots at anyone from this shack. And then there's the idea of a secret vote. There are very good reasons why votes need to be kept secret, for example the avoidance of paying for votes. Doesn't eliminate the possibility, but it sure makes it an iffy investment.

Anyway, the headline for today:

'Get him out!' Black Trump supporter escorted out of rally after the Donald mistakes him for a protester


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-38...l#ixzz4OvY9XaYO

I've also seen speculation that Trump can't read, which would explain his very sparse vocabulary and immature thinking. However, reading and thinking aren't requirements for the POTUS position. It's a bit sobering to realize that our cats are all eligible to run for POTUS, with the exception of age.

On the other hand, it takes the wind out of comparing Trump with Hitler because Hitler read a lot.
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Mrs. Pigpen
post Nov 4 2016, 11:43 AM
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Wikileaks Emails Uncover Johan Podesta's Sick and Twisted 'Spirit Dinners'

Life after Wikileaks will never be the same.
(I realize this isn't the best source, but this information is everywhere...and the title fits here. Good Lord.)

This post has been edited by Mrs. Pigpen: Nov 4 2016, 11:45 AM
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AuthorMusician
post Nov 4 2016, 05:31 PM
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WikiLeaks claims responsibility for fake Bill Keller column, citing donation ban

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2012/jul/...olumn-wikileaks

Gee, you mean I shouldn't believe everything I read, like only half of it?

So I suppose it'll be nothing of what I hear.

Oh my Mr. Twain, what has the world become? <vapors>
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Curmudgeon
post Nov 7 2016, 03:51 PM
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QUOTE(AuthorMusician @ Nov 3 2016, 03:23 AM) *
Update 11/3/16:

A ride through the little towns scattered about this county showed me a lack of political yard signs, certainly an unofficial and incomplete canvasing, but still quite striking when compared to the 2012 election season. I figure nobody is all that proud about their choices, but it also could reflect a kind of apathy, not that it's not caring but that no matter what happens, people believe they'll be screwed.

I did see an item on the news where a man was replacing his Trump sign for about the 40th time. After complaining about the frequency that they were being stolen, his local Trump Campaign HQ let him have the latest sign for free. It was reported that hey had been charging him $20 per sign,.. Perhaps that explains the prominently displayed BUSH signs in this area. (Or it might be the widely reported story that Trump has yet to open any campaign offices.)
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akaCG
post Nov 8 2016, 03:17 AM
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"Stockton mother faces jail time for selling homemade ceviche after she's arrested in undercover sting"

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akaCG
post Nov 30 2016, 06:52 PM
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"Thriving on raw eggs, world's oldest person marks 117th birthday in Italy"



EDITED TO ADD:

"German Islamist spy was Spanish gay porn actor"
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akaCG
post Dec 9 2016, 12:07 PM
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"Terry McAuliffe says his pet chicken named Hillary died right before election"

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akaCG
post Dec 11 2016, 09:02 PM
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"The Post-Trump Haircut"

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Trouble
post Dec 17 2016, 04:08 AM
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Maybe it was the observation of the relentlessness of American politics or just an awareness of existing in a polarizing time but someone has invented a Chrome extension to restore faith in the American system.

Make America Kittens Again is sure to be a winner!
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akaCG
post Dec 18 2016, 06:36 PM
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"In the Chappaqua woods, a search for Hillary Clinton"

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