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> The new political joke thread, Post your jokes here(keep it clean)
Mike
post Mar 24 2005, 02:51 PM
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There were some database problems with the old political joke topic, and I had to close it.

The old topic is located here.

Please use this topic for all of your political jokes!

Mike
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Amlord
post Mar 24 2005, 04:26 PM
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Three Moderators named Amlord were reading about Political jokes while walking into a bar....

An Admin named Mike told him to duck. w00t.gif
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Lesly
post Mar 24 2005, 05:56 PM
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I blame Doc.
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Jaime
post Mar 24 2005, 06:34 PM
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Some actual jokes to get this thread rolling again....

~~~~~~~~~

A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?"

"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?"

"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway."

~~~~~~~~~

Working With The FBI


The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

~~~~~~~

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

~~~~~~~

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?"

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw jeez, ma, why bring that up at a time
like this?"


laugh.gif
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Cube Jockey
post Mar 24 2005, 06:35 PM
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A very appropriate Mark Fiore cartoon - Georgie's Angels laugh.gif
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carlitoswhey
post Mar 29 2005, 06:15 PM
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I guess this qualifies as a political joke. This Reuters story, about Americans being too sleepy for sex, features a photo of sleepy Bush / Cheney supporters. Oh, that liberal media.

photo link
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DaffyGrl
post Mar 29 2005, 10:08 PM
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QUOTE(CarlitosWhey)
I guess this qualifies as a political joke. This Reuters story, about Americans being too sleepy for sex, features a photo of sleepy Bush / Cheney supporters. Oh, that liberal media.

Good lord, that's a helluva stretch. unsure.gif I saw the same story on MSNBC sans the photo yahoo felt obligated to add. And I certainly wouldn't characterize MSNBC as "liberal". thumbsup.gif

And just to show that some of us are able to enjoy a laugh at our own expense:

George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. "How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing. "Watch and learn," answers Hillary.

They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand... The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they see the Clinton's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all. "Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Hillary. "Live and learn," answers Laura Bush.

When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clintons cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

And you're still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost that election.

edited to fix missing paragraph blush.gif

This post has been edited by DaffyGrl: Mar 29 2005, 10:08 PM
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DaffyGrl
post Apr 1 2005, 02:46 AM
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'Fristian Fables: The Ant and the Grasshopper Revisited'

One afternoon in late autumn, a grasshopper sat in the shade of a crabapple tree, stuffing his face with cracked wheat and watching in amusement as a tiny ant labored diligently to transport a sizable stash of grain, one kernel at a time, past the grasshopper's place of repose.

"Where ya goin' with all that grub?" the grasshopper asked.

"I'm taking it to the colony," the ant replied. "My six-legged sisters and I have been working our appendages to the exoskeleton for weeks now, and we've accumulated a rather prodigious pile of the stuff."

"What's the point?" the grasshopper asked scornfully. "Why not just take what you need for yourself and screw everybody else? That's the way we grasshoppers do it! Self-reliance, individual initiative, the entrepreneurial spirit, that's what made this garden patch great..."

read the rest here (too many naughty words to post the whole thing. blush.gif )

This post has been edited by DaffyGrl: Apr 1 2005, 02:47 AM
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demotheses
post Apr 1 2005, 04:32 AM
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This was much better during the election but I still love it:


John Kerry walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why such a long face?"
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Passion51
post Apr 3 2005, 07:19 PM
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With the recent deaths of Teri Shiavo, John Paul II and Johnnie Cochrane the world has lost hope, a pope and a dope!
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Hugo
post Apr 3 2005, 10:03 PM
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One morning Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having brunch at a restaurant.

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like and he replies, "I'll have a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, sir?" she asks George W. He replies, "How about a quickie?"

"Why, Mr. President," the waitress says, "How rude. You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton and you haven't even been in office for second term yet!

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers, "It's pronounced 'quiche.'"


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Cube Jockey
post Apr 6 2005, 04:50 PM
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Nick Anderson recently won the pulitzer prize for editorial cartoons - clicky here to see why. ALL of them are excellent and really funny at the same time.
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Cube Jockey
post Apr 8 2005, 11:32 PM
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The following is a quote from Richard Perle made during testimony in front of the House Armed Services Committee:
QUOTE
"There is reason to believe that we were sucked into an ill-conceived initial attack aimed at Saddam himself by double agents planted by the regime. And as we now know the estimate of Saddam's stockpile of weapons of mass destruction was substantially wrong."


I was laughing hysterically at this, but the sad thing is - I think he is serious wacko.gif
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Doclotus
post Apr 10 2005, 05:57 AM
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Does anyone else find it a little disturbing that the name of the new Iraqi President is Jalal Talabani? blink.gif

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Bay State Rebel
post Apr 18 2005, 04:53 AM
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Hey? Is the the United States speaking? Yeah, this is Massachusetts. We've got a couple things we'd like to say...

1. We do not have a Senator Carey.
2. Yes, the Red Sox winning was an important event.
3. "Worcester" has one o, two r's, two e's, and a c.
4. Your father's sister does not have six legs.
5. The entire commonwealth is not separated into "Boston" and "Cape Cod."
6. Anyone who thinks Goodridge circumvented the will of the people hasn't actually met our people.
7. Stop calling that little shower "rain" until you've been to Boston in April.
8. Maybe you should pick a symbol of liberalism you can actually spell.
9. Repeat after me: "drivers yield to rotary traffic..."
10. You seem to think we're a bunch of gays, drunkards, priests, baseball fanatics, militant leftists, pretentious pseudo-intellectuals, and drunken pretentious gay baseball-obsessed hard-left priests. Which goes to show that even a stopped clock is right twice a day!
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freddy
post Apr 18 2005, 05:51 AM
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Guests







lol i jus laughed @_@!
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Cube Jockey
post Apr 18 2005, 06:31 PM
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There is a great comic about the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy over at Salon.com. You have to watch a short ad to see it.
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crashfourit
post Apr 22 2005, 04:33 PM
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This is a quote from myself, but it also doubles as a joke. Insert "politicians" for "people" if you like. smile.gif It would still work, but even better! thumbsup.gif

Joke:
What does smart people and dumb people have in common?




They both can act stupid... ohmy.gif
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DaffyGrl
post May 2 2005, 06:57 PM
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"Earlier this week Bush met with a key player on the world energy scene -- Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Bush greeted him by kissing him on both cheeks and then led him by the hand into his ranch -- confirming the long standing rumor that the president is, in fact, queer for oil." --Jon Stewart

eharmony parody

Did the Dallas Morning News place these items next to each other on purpose? innocent.gif Article Placement
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Just Leave me Al...
post May 3 2005, 08:02 PM
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May 5th, 2009 - Bad news hit today as President George W. Bush's new Presidential library in Waco, TX burned to the ground. Both books were lost. President Bush is quoted as saying of the tragedy, "Darn! And I hadn't finished coloring the second one yet." sad.gif
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