My apologies in advance to those who hate kid stories. Just hoping some of the members with kids (or who like kids, or watch them) could share. They make me smile. I'll go first:

***Driving on the way home from the gym today, I was slugging down a bottle of water. My oldest started screaming from the back, "No! Stop drinking, mommy! I heard that drinking can lead to serious driving problems and accidents!"

***A few months ago, my oldest child said, "Mommy, did you know that some children in the first grade already have real girlfriends and boyfriends? ". I answered: "No, I didn't know that. Like who? ".... "Me"

***A few months ago, I was swinging my oldest child around, and he said,"I love you so much mommy, I'm so glad that God gave you to me". Aw.."I love you, too". Without missing a beat, he turned to my wedding photo from 14 years ago, pointed and said, "You were so much cuter then".

*** This one is gross: The other day, my youngest came to me, holding out his hand with a frown and said, "Here, mommy". I looked at the hand and there appeared to be a small piece of skin over his thumb. Thinking he wanted me to kiss his boo boo, I obliged. It was actually a snot that he wanted me to wipe off.

Oh boy, kid stories. Soooo many to choose from.

Hmmmmmm.

My personal favorite:

My daughter, at age 3 or so (she's nearly 4 1/2 now), was at home with me while here Mommy was shopping. I have a candy addiction. It's Smartees (all sugar, half the flavor, and many of the so-called flavors taste suspiciously like baby asprin). I LOVE them.

Well, as I was saying, when my daughter was about three I was watching her when I had a mild Smartee attack. Never being without those wonderful candies I went and got a few (dozen or so) rolls.

My daughter, being quite observant noticed I was eating something. She asked about it, and then so politely asked "May I please try one of those Daddy?" that I could not resist.

As you can imagine, my 3 year old. Who had not until that moment experienced processed sugar at the professional level and all it's glory thought they were great!

Soon she was back, "Daddy, may I please have one....ummmm.....three of those?" How cute was that? Who could resist such a darling. Soon she was back. "Daddy, may I please have some....seven please?" OK, I am a pushover. End result, my 3 year olds first experience with excess processed sugar was a roll, or perhaps a little more of Smartees.

It wasn't long before the took effect full force. Of course, that was when my wife came home. My wife walked in from the store to find my daughter, running full tilt, from one end of the house to the other, using walls and or funiture to stop, all the while giggling and yelling with the biggest smile you've ever seen adorning her face.

Well, one run through the house like that is fun and nothing to really be concerned about. However, after the third or forth lunatic marathon Barb came looking for me.

"John, what is going on with Maddy"?

I gave that "I dunno shrug"

"She is really hyped up".

If I remember correctly I think I blamed kid's TV or something similar.

I may have had a calm outward demeanor, but inside I was flipping out. 'Oh man Barb is gonna KILL Me!!', 'What if Maddy never calms down'? 'What if the smartees did permanent damage somehow'.

Within 20 minutes of her first taste of smartees she sugar crashed hard. She hit cranky for a milisecond and zoomed straight into exhausted nap.

'Whew! She's OK, and I'm gonna live!'

I took three days before I let my wife in on what really happened. Her reaction was a mixed bag. First, she was a little annoyed that I gave Maddy that much candy. Then she thought the whole thing was hysterical. But then it hit her that for the first time in 4 years I sucessfully lied to her.

In the end, we worked that out, and Daddy and Mommy came to some reasonable agreements in regards to what we should and should not give to our dauhter and how much should be give (Barb is still trying to work on what I give or don't give myself and how much I should take at once. ).

These days our marriage has never been better, nor has my daughters health even been so perfect, but I will never forget that little girl aboriginee I created for a few minutes.

My daughter is 6 months old. When i am checking my email and I have her on my shoulder she will pretty much leap for the keyboard. Her eyes get real big when she sees it and she MUST play with the thing. She has just learned to crawl and for fun i will let her play with the keyboard and then move her to my other shoulder--she immediately crawls right over me like she is running and will not stop trying to reach the keyboard--all with the biggest smile she has got. Her smile is killer and whenever she makes eye contact with a person she shines her biggest grin at them. Happiest baby ever.

My son is 2.6 years old. Already 55 lbs and already fairly tall he can already pin kids twice his age when wrestling--yeah its a guy thing but hey i am so proud.

My son will lie next to his sister and "talk" to her. He will pat her on the head and hug her. She eats it up and giggles.

I really could go on forever....

To funny OS although my 2 nephews running around could make you laugh like crazy.

With the introduction of the movie The Incredibles my brother and his wife got the 2 boys who are 3 & 2 years old incredible outfits which they have on almost all the time like that kid in Daddy Daycare. When there is a moment they dont have them on, but decide to put them on then they need the DVD put into the player so that they can run around the house to the intro music.

One day the older one wanted to be the Daddy Incredible and wanted the younger one to be the baby. When the younger one didn't want to cooperate he went to my brother crying that his little brother was not listening to him. Well my brother told him he can be anyone he wants to be even if he is also the daddy. With this said out of the ear shot of the younger one, the 3 year old yelled to him daddy said you have to be the baby.

Here's some I can think of right off my head....kinda relates to American politics too

My eldest daughter (7) is little miss manners lately and likes to critique her younger sister's (6) lack of sophistication at the table.

One night she corrects her younger sister.. "Anna..you can't have your elbows on the table."

To which Anna replies.."We live in America now..I can do whatever I want in America."

I got many more just not enough time.

My boss just told me this story about his 3 year old son.

In the latter stages of potty training they did away with the kiddy toilet and had a little ladder/stool for him to stand on when he used the adult commode. Side note, I had never heard of this but they trained him early by putting Cheerio’s in the toilet to make it fun by having target practice.

Anyway, my boss says you can always tell when there’s something going on with him by the silence. So he walks around the house and finds him standing in the bathroom. His mother had put his little ladder/stool in the closet for cleaning and there he was peeing in a cup and pouring it in the toilet!!!!!

Brilliant! A future engineer or systems analyst.

I love these stories!

Thanks, all, this is fun. Keep 'em coming.

A few years ago some friends were round to eat and be merry. They have two sons, the younger of which was then about 3 years old. My GF was making the food in the kitchen and the 3 year old was helping her by taking the spices my GF measured out for him and adding it to the food...
Later on as we are all gathered around the table eating and talking, the 3 year old is jumping about and standing upon his chair and making strange burbling noises. His mother looks at him critically and asks: "Whats the matter with you?"
To which the 3 year old chuckles, "I put herb in the food".

Mike and I were driving his nieces and nephew around in their family van one afternoon. Mike put on the turn signal (you know, to indicate he was turning) and one of the kids asked, “Uncle Mike, what is that flashing arrow?”
Slightly confused, Mike clarifies, “What arrow? The turn signal?”
“I dunno what’s it called. That blinky arrow that just came on.”
“Oh! That’s the turn signal. You use it to let other drivers know you’re turning.”
“Well, could you tell my mom and dad about it because I don’t think they know it’s there.”

I just heard one last week. After a visit with grandma and grandpa, my friend's 3 year old neice was wanting a refill on her juice bottle thing. Thinking that the child had had enough juice they just filled the cup up with water and gave it back to her. She looks up after a taste and says "What the hell is this?" Kids are complete spounges so watch out!

Hopping into the time machine, we find ourselves back in 1982. My sister and mom are sitting on our front stoop on a fine summer afternoon.

My sister is following an ant around, observing its buggy wonders, with the fascination of a normal three year old. My sister tells my mom, “this ant was made by god.” Since we were raised completely without religion, my mom was a bit surprised as to where my sister came up with this idea but, in her gentle mom way told my sister that she could be right, the any may very well be one of god’s creatures.

With that, my sister stands up, stomps the ant to death, and wanders off.