Full Version: Cheney Jokes
Boy, was it hard not to use Vice-President Cheney's first name in this topic title...
I think we could use a little humor around here, so feel free to post your favorite joke regarding our beloved Veep and his lack of marksmanship. I'll start by quoting the Kos list Wertz posted earlier. My favorite was is #5.
I think we could use a little humor around here, so feel free to post your favorite joke regarding our beloved Veep and his lack of marksmanship. I'll start by quoting the Kos list Wertz posted earlier. My favorite was is #5.
QUOTE(Wertz @ Feb 14 2006, 12:57 AM)
...here's a slightly adapted "top ten" list (à la the Letterman show) from a contributor to Daily Kos:
I'm sure there'll be more to follow.
QUOTE
Dick Cheney's Top 10 Excuses for Shooting Whittington:
10. Sure, like you've never seen giant game birds wearing day-glo orange vests
9. Warrantless domestic spying revealed he was getting phone calls from al-Quaeda
8. If the Vice President does it, it's not against the law
7. I was hoping to put him in a persistent vegetative state so the GOP could pass a law to keep him alive
6. I thought we were hunting Dan Quayle
5. The love between us could not survive back in Washington
4. Birds, cows, people - with my eyesight I'm lucky I hit anything
3. I'm positive Whittington's family will welcome me as a liberator
2. Pheasant? I thought we were hunting peasants
and the number one Cheney Excuse for Shooting Whittington:
1. I mistook him for a liberal
10. Sure, like you've never seen giant game birds wearing day-glo orange vests
9. Warrantless domestic spying revealed he was getting phone calls from al-Quaeda
8. If the Vice President does it, it's not against the law
7. I was hoping to put him in a persistent vegetative state so the GOP could pass a law to keep him alive
6. I thought we were hunting Dan Quayle
5. The love between us could not survive back in Washington
4. Birds, cows, people - with my eyesight I'm lucky I hit anything
3. I'm positive Whittington's family will welcome me as a liberator
2. Pheasant? I thought we were hunting peasants
and the number one Cheney Excuse for Shooting Whittington:
1. I mistook him for a liberal
I'm sure there'll be more to follow.
Excellent (she says in her best Mr. Burns impersonation)... an opportunity to plug tomorrow night's AD Radio...
AD Radio will share our attempt at Cheney humor in our broadcast tomorrow night. You'll have to tune in to hear it...or download it later.
AD Radio will share our attempt at Cheney humor in our broadcast tomorrow night. You'll have to tune in to hear it...or download it later.
Over heard on Jay Leno last night 2/13/06
“As many of you heard, Vice President Cheney was involved in a hunting accident over the week end. The good news is as soon the word got out that he shot an attorney his approval ratings went to 92%.....
....... and when the ambulance arrived out of default they put Cheney inside”
“As many of you heard, Vice President Cheney was involved in a hunting accident over the week end. The good news is as soon the word got out that he shot an attorney his approval ratings went to 92%.....
....... and when the ambulance arrived out of default they put Cheney inside”
This is from the Daily Show:
There are a few other late night shows here.
QUOTE
Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?
Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.
"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."
Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"
Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."
Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."
Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.
Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."
Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do ... coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.
Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?"
Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people ... to get him some sort of mask."
Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.
"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."
Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"
Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."
Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."
Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.
Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."
Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do ... coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.
Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?"
Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people ... to get him some sort of mask."
There are a few other late night shows here.
"Today, during a CNN interview with Bob Journalist, the former Vice President Al Gore had the following to say:"
GORE: "I am saddenned that Vice President Cheney has chosen such a brutal method to get press attention, and my heart goes out to Mr. Whittington. As I stood in the treeline observing the Veep's hunting party, I heard the Vice President call out to Mr. Whittington, "you ready for your peppering Whit?" Whit, clearly at a loss for words, stared incredulously at the Vice President. I understand how difficult it can be for a Veep to get noticed by the press, but this stunt of Cheney's is just beyond the pale."
INTERVIEWER: "Mr. Vice President, do you mean to tell us that you were there, and saw the entire incident?"
GORE: "Yes. I was monitoring the hunt in order to insure that Cheney would not tip the Earth's balance."
INTERVIEWER: "but, but, why was there no mention of your presence before? It's not like a former VP and Presidential candidate would be unnoticed by the Secret Service, is it?"
GORE: "Like I said Bob, I was in the treeline."
GORE: "I am saddenned that Vice President Cheney has chosen such a brutal method to get press attention, and my heart goes out to Mr. Whittington. As I stood in the treeline observing the Veep's hunting party, I heard the Vice President call out to Mr. Whittington, "you ready for your peppering Whit?" Whit, clearly at a loss for words, stared incredulously at the Vice President. I understand how difficult it can be for a Veep to get noticed by the press, but this stunt of Cheney's is just beyond the pale."
INTERVIEWER: "Mr. Vice President, do you mean to tell us that you were there, and saw the entire incident?"
GORE: "Yes. I was monitoring the hunt in order to insure that Cheney would not tip the Earth's balance."
INTERVIEWER: "but, but, why was there no mention of your presence before? It's not like a former VP and Presidential candidate would be unnoticed by the Secret Service, is it?"
GORE: "Like I said Bob, I was in the treeline."
Mr. Whittington remains in the hospital and hopefully he will avoid any other complications and come out of this ordeal with a clean bill of health.
However, while the man's health remains an issue, isn't this thread both premature and in bad taste?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11349140/from/RL.2/
However, while the man's health remains an issue, isn't this thread both premature and in bad taste?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11349140/from/RL.2/
Heard that if Bush Senior had gone quail hunting he might have been re-elected
Psssssst ... Daff! It's not WABBIT season ... it's DUCK season ... as in,
"DUCK! There's a Republican with a gun!"
"DUCK! There's a Republican with a gun!"
QUOTE(DaffyGrl @ Feb 24 2006, 10:07 AM)
I got my certificate!!
Amlord, it's more fun if you aim at Harry. 
Vibiana, oh, jeez, this duck had better duck!!
Vibiana, oh, jeez, this duck had better duck!!
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