Full Version: France
From my E mail
The military history of France:
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000
years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an
Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female
schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
Warfare:
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually
the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots
as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied.
War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian
War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French
military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French
their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists
saw
far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads
to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does
most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent
was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for
a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of
drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement
in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
with the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western
army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is
identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender
to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French
should not be "Can we count on the French?" but, rather, "How long until
France collapses?"
So what do you think? France doomed to be the first EU nation to fall into complete economic collapse?
Think their war record has em convinced that no matter what happens it is likely the french will lose?...
GBYA
Aahz
OK So I couldnt resist that is some funny stuff man..
The military history of France:
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000
years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an
Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female
schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
Warfare:
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually
the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots
as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied.
War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian
War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French
military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French
their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists
saw
far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads
to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does
most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent
was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for
a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of
drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the
United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement
in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States
and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
with the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western
army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is
identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender
to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French
should not be "Can we count on the French?" but, rather, "How long until
France collapses?"
So what do you think? France doomed to be the first EU nation to fall into complete economic collapse?
Think their war record has em convinced that no matter what happens it is likely the french will lose?...
GBYA
Aahz
OK So I couldnt resist that is some funny stuff man..
Nice
America's track record, thankfully, is better than France's
The only war we lost was Vietnam, the French lost that too....Dien Bein Phu
Hey! I recognize this. I picked it up from several other boards. Thought it very appropriate!Hope for everyone's sake the French don't end up eating massive amounts of crow on this deal.
QUOTE(goamerica @ Feb 14 2003, 01:05 PM)
America's track record, thankfully, is better than France's
That's a bit unfair since, during Ceasor's Gallic Wars, America as a nation was till 1800 years in the future.
This is why it felt to silly to hear cries of "France wins, France wins" a few years ago. But it was only about the world cup.
De Gaulle on his failed quest to restore France to a position as a top world power.
"I am like Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea, I have brought back a skeleton.
De Gaulle on his failed quest to restore France to a position as a top world power.
"I am like Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea, I have brought back a skeleton.
Aahz.......
May I suggest the only major conflict America won on it's own continent by itself was The Civil War?.
It has NEVER won a War by itself elswhere.
May I also suggest to lose is to learn.
From my e mail
.
The military history of America.
For us out here........be afraid...REALLY Afraid.
Ever since the United States Army massacred 300 Lakotas in 1890, American forces have intervened elswhere around the globe 100 times.
The U.S. has sent troops abroad or militarily struck other countries territory 216 times since indipendance from Britain
Since 1945 the U.S. has intervened in more than 20 countries throughout the World.
Not including American influenced coups of which there are 20.
Since WW2 the U.S. has dropped bombs, or landed troops on the following...
China....1945-46.
Korea....1950-53.
China.....1950-53.
Guatamala..1954.
Indonesia....1958.
Cuba...........1959-60.
Guatamala....1960.
Congo....1964.
Guatamala...1967-69.
Grenada...1963.
Lebanon...1984.
Libya...1986.
El Salvador...1980s.
Niceraguaga...1980's.
Panama...1989.
Iraq...1991-1999.
Sudan....1998.
Afgahanistan...1998.
Yugoslavia...1999.
AND NOW...........Iraq again.....
At least France has learned how to lose, and how to win in the long ball.
America has yet to learn.
Regards....Alan
May I suggest the only major conflict America won on it's own continent by itself was The Civil War?.
It has NEVER won a War by itself elswhere.
May I also suggest to lose is to learn.
From my e mail
.The military history of America.
For us out here........be afraid...REALLY Afraid.
Ever since the United States Army massacred 300 Lakotas in 1890, American forces have intervened elswhere around the globe 100 times.
The U.S. has sent troops abroad or militarily struck other countries territory 216 times since indipendance from Britain
Since 1945 the U.S. has intervened in more than 20 countries throughout the World.
Not including American influenced coups of which there are 20.
Since WW2 the U.S. has dropped bombs, or landed troops on the following...
China....1945-46.
Korea....1950-53.
China.....1950-53.
Guatamala..1954.
Indonesia....1958.
Cuba...........1959-60.
Guatamala....1960.
Congo....1964.
Guatamala...1967-69.
Grenada...1963.
Lebanon...1984.
Libya...1986.
El Salvador...1980s.
Niceraguaga...1980's.
Panama...1989.
Iraq...1991-1999.
Sudan....1998.
Afgahanistan...1998.
Yugoslavia...1999.
AND NOW...........Iraq again.....
At least France has learned how to lose, and how to win in the long ball.
America has yet to learn.
Regards....Alan
All I can say about the French is that Thank God they conquered England in 1066!
The language really sucked before that.
I'm proud of my 25% French blood, even though it is of semi-royalty running away from the Revolution to Canada and laying with heathan natives.
The US has not lost enough wars to be reluctant to go to war. That's obvious.
It's about time for a buttery pastry, I do believe
The language really sucked before that.
I'm proud of my 25% French blood, even though it is of semi-royalty running away from the Revolution to Canada and laying with heathan natives.
The US has not lost enough wars to be reluctant to go to war. That's obvious.
It's about time for a buttery pastry, I do believe
QUOTE(Alan Wood @ Feb 15 2003, 01:42 AM)
Afgahanistan...1998.
1998?
I think it was 1980's (Soviet incident) then 2001 (9/11 retaliation)
QUOTE
1998?
I think it was 1980's (Soviet incident) then 2001 (9/11 retaliation)
I think it was 1980's (Soviet incident) then 2001 (9/11 retaliation)
He's referring to the lobbing of a cruise missile into terrorist training camp by Clinton.
QUOTE(Alan Wood @ Feb 15 2003, 06:42 AM)
Aahz.......
May I suggest the only major conflict America won on it's own continent by itself was The Civil War?.
It has NEVER won a War by itself elswhere.
May I also suggest to lose is to learn.
From my e mail .
The military history of America.
For us out here........be afraid...REALLY Afraid.
Ever since the United States Army massacred 300 Lakotas in 1890, American forces have intervened elswhere around the globe 100 times.
The U.S. has sent troops abroad or militarily struck other countries territory 216 times since indipendance from Britain
Since 1945 the U.S. has intervened in more than 20 countries throughout the World.
Not including American influenced coups of which there are 20.
Since WW2 the U.S. has dropped bombs, or landed troops on the following...
China....1945-46.
Korea....1950-53.
China.....1950-53.
Guatamala..1954.
Indonesia....1958.
Cuba...........1959-60.
Guatamala....1960.
Congo....1964.
Guatamala...1967-69.
Grenada...1963.
Lebanon...1984.
Libya...1986.
El Salvador...1980s.
Niceraguaga...1980's.
Panama...1989.
Iraq...1991-1999.
Sudan....1998.
Afgahanistan...1998.
Yugoslavia...1999.
AND NOW...........Iraq again.....
At least France has learned how to lose, and how to win in the long ball.
America has yet to learn.
Regards....Alan
May I suggest the only major conflict America won on it's own continent by itself was The Civil War?.
It has NEVER won a War by itself elswhere.
May I also suggest to lose is to learn.
From my e mail
.The military history of America.
For us out here........be afraid...REALLY Afraid.
Ever since the United States Army massacred 300 Lakotas in 1890, American forces have intervened elswhere around the globe 100 times.
The U.S. has sent troops abroad or militarily struck other countries territory 216 times since indipendance from Britain
Since 1945 the U.S. has intervened in more than 20 countries throughout the World.
Not including American influenced coups of which there are 20.
Since WW2 the U.S. has dropped bombs, or landed troops on the following...
China....1945-46.
Korea....1950-53.
China.....1950-53.
Guatamala..1954.
Indonesia....1958.
Cuba...........1959-60.
Guatamala....1960.
Congo....1964.
Guatamala...1967-69.
Grenada...1963.
Lebanon...1984.
Libya...1986.
El Salvador...1980s.
Niceraguaga...1980's.
Panama...1989.
Iraq...1991-1999.
Sudan....1998.
Afgahanistan...1998.
Yugoslavia...1999.
AND NOW...........Iraq again.....
At least France has learned how to lose, and how to win in the long ball.
America has yet to learn.
Regards....Alan
China....1945-46. Invitation by the Chinese
Korea....1950-53. Invitation by South Korea
China.....1950-53. No AMERICAN troops during this conflict on Chiese soil
Guatamala..1954. Big Deal there was a fascist in power we took em out and left.
Indonesia....1958. The country in tact...i.e. NOT a colony.
Cuba...........1959-60. Communist aggression in the western hemisphere see the Monroe doctrine. NO US troops participate in Bay of pigs even though promised by Kennedy. This leads to the Cuban missile crisis which Kennedy laughingly gets credit for stopping so many forget he started it. But again no US troop participation. Think about it if the Marines had gone in Cuba would be free today..
Guatamala....1960. Those Indians just cant seem to stop killing each other and threatening the security of the region.
Congo....1964.
Guatamala...1967-69. See above
Grenada...1963. Invitation
Lebanon...1984. Terrorist activity
Libya...1986. Retaliation for bombing of Marine Barracks
El Salvador...1980s. Helping anti communist
Niceraguaga...1980's. same as El Salvador
Panama...1989. Stemming drug trade snatched a king pin. Few shots fired.
Iraq...1991-1999. Result of UN resolution due to Iraq's invasion of Kuwait.
Sudan....1998. Lackluster attempt by Clinton so he could say he did something about Bin Laden
Afgahanistan...1998. Same as above
Yugoslavia...1999. UN request
AND NOW...........Iraq again..... And maybe France if they dont come around.
At least France has learned how to lose WOW isnt that something to be proud of? The french are good losers...LOL
and how to win in the long ball. Win what? From talking to people that have visited France I would say they havent won squat. They are completely dependant on the EU for survival. France stands to lose billions if Saddam is ousted. So does Germany and Russia. We told Russia we would cover her's so she is being pretty quiet. We told France they could kiss our arse because they have been conducting illegal activity in Iraq since 1996. According to a news report I saw yesterday it is even suspected France sold Iraq missile technology. We know they have traded in precursors for nerve agents etc.
America has yet to learn. And being a loser is something we dont care to learn thank you very much...
Oh and BTW you say America has NEVER won a war alone outside of the Civil war. Well doesn't that only mean then that we NEVER attack or go to war unilaterally?...
Doesnt that mean that it is ALWAYS either a joint effort of many or a request by another that the US put her boys at risk?Doesnt that indicate that the USA has NO imperialistic tendency's etc.?
You turn around and point at legitimate troop deployments etc. after making a comment about how we never go in alone? Isnt that a bit hypocritical?
I doubt there will be War in Iraq. A strike and snatch maybe possibly war but not very likely.
North Korea on the other hand may be a different story.
GBYA
Aahz
QUOTE(Aahz @ Feb 15 2003, 06:59 AM)
I doubt there will be War in Iraq. A strike and snatch maybe possibly war but not very likely.
True, you probably couldn't call an attack like shock and awe on a defensless country the size of California a 'war'.
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