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Why would anyone want to drive an SUV? It gets really bad gas mileage,
Agreed. But some people can afford it
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doesn't fit into these tiny parking spots we have now
DEFINATELY agree with that one

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costs a lot to buy and maintain
Disagree. What makes them so much more costly to maintain than a Lexus or Beamer? Luxery cars will run you more because...well... rich people buy them, so the mechanics really stick it to 'em

It's true however, that manual transmissions and 4x4's are more expensive to repair, but that applies to a lot of vehicles, not just SUV's.
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rolls over rather easily (happened to see a big one on its side with a crushed top on the way down Ute pass on Saturday)
Disagree. Your gonna have to show me some stats about this. Because I have seen many more small compact cars on their top, than I have SUV's. Personal experience shoudln't be the only piece of proof for that statement.
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doesn't do well on narrow back roads and tight mountain switchbacks (you want a CJ or Wrangler for that--or better, a motorcycle!),
Yes and no. Depends on what you mean by "doesn't do well" I had a full size pickup for many years, and regularly traveled several steep mountain passes with it. I think it did just fine. It might depend on the driver though, and how compentant he/she is behind the wheel of a large vehical on dangerous roads.
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Are they safer? Show me statistics.
Not really. But there is something to be said for being surrounded by more metal/steel. Stats? I have none.
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Are they roomier? Vans do better for room.
Depends on the van and SUV. That's a pretty large blanket you just rolled out

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Traction? Our front-wheel drive Saturn does better than the Jeep a lot of the time! Studded snow tires all around.
In some conditions. But I will take my 4x4 Wrangler anyday over a front wheel drive car. Sorry
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Towing power? Get a diesel pickup.
Many people who complain about SUV's, also complain about large pickups for the same reasons. Gas, mileage, size, etc etc.
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This is going to cost him big time on insurance rate hikes (if he doesn't get cancelled), car rental, new purchase--will his lizard brain win again for the new purchase?
Oh, you must be his insurance agent then

Sorry no, you can't possibly know what this will do to his insurance. He could have had a brand new Saturn, < 1 mo old, and have multiple accidents on his record, and his insurance could have canceled him just the same. Or, perhaps, the driver had a spotless record for years, and this will do very little to him.
Whether his insurance gets cancelled or not, does not matter on the vehicle, but the record of the driver.
Yes, they are more expensive to insure. But so are luxery cars that get great gas mileage.
Just about the only thing with your post I agree with, is the whole Lizard brain thing. Men especially, think bigger is better. Men are proud of their trucks or SUV's. It's a guy thing

Oh, one last thing (if your still reading this

)
- If you want to pull something, you get a truck
- If you want to carry a lot of people, you get a van
- If you want good traction in the snow, you get a front wheel drive car
but if you want ALL of those things, you get an SUV. They're more versatile.
--cheers
*whew*