My reason? Not what you may think!

It is because I am un-corruptable. No, not because I am uber-honest- it is because I just don't understand the process- when someone tries to give me money unsolicited, I am confused, and usually miss the opportunity due to my inability to notice that THIS is the time to be corrupt.

Oh, Mr Oilman- you want me to take X amount of dollars? Why? Then I would mess up all the codes and buzzwords or something, and the oilman would walk away all mad at how dumb I am.

It is the same reason I can't be a good stalker- I would end up giggling or something and blowing my cover.

So why can't you run for public office?

This has the makings of a great thread.

I can't run for office because

• I'm not personable
• The very idea of addressing large crowds saps my strength
• I'm not a member of either party
• I wouldn't write legislation making business harder for an industry just to "encourage" said industry to send me campaign money
• I like cussin
• I like saying what's on my mind and I would always be in trouble for it
• I probably wouldn't steer enough pork to make enough voters pull the lever for me
• I'd tick off conservatives
• I'd tick off liberals
• I'd tick off libertarians
• I'd tick off hawks and the M-IC
• I'd tick off independents for sometimes voting with Democrats and Republicans
• I'm too sarcastic
• I'm not patriotic enough

How am I unfit for office? Let me count the ways...

1. socialist
2. atheist
3. queer
4. drug user
5. political independent
6. voluntary expatriate
7. near genius

Plus I'm honest, I tend not to suffer fools very gladly, I don't follow sports, and I've been arrested for inciting to riot.

Heh:

1. People who believe religion should guide politics would despise me
2. I'd annoy liberals by being too conservative
3. I'd annoy conservatives by being to liberal
4. I'd annoy libertarians by being too pragmatic/statist
5. I'm incredibly sarcastic
6. I love cursing
7. I would be incredibly condescending and brutally honest with the media and other politicians
8. I'm a political independent
9. I wouldn't satisfy my constituents insatiable desire for other people's money

CP

I'm going to change the question slightly to "Why can't I run for President," because considering what kind of goofballs we have in Congress and in state government, the level of scrutiny in those races must not be so great.

The most disturbing reason I can't run for President is because I don't go to church. Apparently, most Americans want their mortal leader to believe in an Invisible Man In The Sky, and devote at least 52 hours per year demonstrating that. Express any doubts, and you are unfit to lead.

I can't run for public office because I have this innate fear anytime a doctor puts on their latex glove and tells me to bend over and spread 'em. This biannual indignity that men in their 50's are subjected to demonstrates that God has a wicked sense of humor. God has decreed that if one is allowed to live this long, they should at least be required to provide some sort of entertainment. But, back to the subject. If I don't like the doctor doing an anal exam looking for prostrate cancer, I sure as hell couldn't handle the media doing it looking for skeletons in my closet. So, thank you very much, I'll keep my day job.


Aquilla

Let's see why I can't run for public office, particularly the Presidency :

1. I'm not photogenic and I don't like having my picture taken
2. I don't have the physical or mental energy
3. I am a member of a religious order and that would taint the views of some towards me
4. I don't have enough friends with money
5. I might resort to four-letter words if annoyed, and people don't like other people who are
religious and still use four-letter words sometimes
6. I couldn't play World of Warcraft
7. I care too much about whether people like me
8. I would feel guilty every time I had to take a trip aboard Air Force One, what with the cost
to fly that baby
9. I love white trash food, so that's what dignitaries would get for dinner. Buffalo wings and
potato salad, anyone?
10. I've had my picture taken demonstrating against the war
11. I have a teenage daughter who just wouldn't understand
12. I would be asking stupid questions all the time, like: Why do we have to do things this way?

Actually I'd be an excellent candidate for public office!

As Governor of New York I would:

1. Abolish Connecticut and use their dead to fill the Long Island Sound
2. Attack Africa to rid the world of weird diseases. (Yes the continent.)
3. Remove the jury system from California. (They can't handle it.)
4. Two words: Flat Tax. Two more: Seventeen Percent.

Plus I'm totally fun at Barbecues and I make a wicked steak. Who's with me?

A better question would be; why are the American people not deserving of my candidacy?

They can't handle the truth.
They don't understand concepts greater than three words: Mission Accomplished, Bring 'em on, Yes we can, etc.
They believe anything you tell them as long as you do it with conviction.
They're too easily scared.
They're too easily distracted.
They make decisions before they hear the facts.

And the most important reason why the American people are not deserving of my candidacy is ...... more people know the names of cartoon characters on the Simpsons than they do about their Fist Amendment Rights.

Damn, even I missed out on that one. Fisting is now a guaranteed right??

1. Because I would actually try to balance the budget.
2. Because I really would reach across the aisle.
3. Because I would be completely intolerant of the usual political B.S.
4. Because you can't run a very effective campaign using just spare change from your coffee can.
5. Because going into a rugby scrum at key points in a debate would probably be seen as too violent.
6. Because I like politics, but I'm not 'political'.
7. Because when others in my camp did something stupid, I'd say so.
8. Because voters would get tired of hearing 'fiscal sanity' pretty quickly.
9. Because telling people what they have to do without now isn't likely to buy many votes.
10. Because I would almost certainly strike an instant dislike with everyone in power in Washington I met.



Well, Barnaby would have a small constituency, but they'd be extremely loyal

And here I was complaining about a prostrate exam......


Aquilla

1. There's too much dirt on me to ever pass the entrance exam.
2. I'm too willing to tell people to go to hell, how to get there and what to do once they get there.
3. I hate wearing suits and ties.
4. I either want less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it (thanks, Ashleigh Brilliant).
5. I love humanity. It's people I can't stand (thanks, Lucy Van Pelt).
6. I don't want to shake the clammy mitts of total strangers, don't want to kiss their ugly babies, don't want to eat a lot of lousy food or wear stupid hats.
7. I hate asking people for money and I would hate having to humiliate myself trying to get it.
8. I don't think politics really solves anything unless the powers that be decide they want it to happen.
9. America prefers politicians that tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to know.
10. Politics has corrupted stronger men than me. You don't change the devil. The devil changes you.
11. I'm too sarcastic, too abrasive, too militant and too Black.
12. Someone would shoot me.

-My husband wouldn't let me. He's much too needy.
(Plus, a couple of his Cuban relatives -who we don't associate with- in Miami are criminals and dealers. The media could have a field day with that)

-I am a terrible public speaker.

-I like privacy. There is no way I could live around bodyguards 24/7.

-And there were those digital photos that got out....

So why can't you run for public office?

1. There's no money in it (noone get's rich by being a politician, they get rich first to be able to play, then they get richer by becoming a politician.
2. These days politicians have surprisingly little real power. Hardly any legislation at any level arises within the various legislatures; it's almost always driven from the executive. So despite all the extra scrutiny on one's integrity and demands to follow the agendas of this pressure group or that party or that donor group, your average legislator is in a position to make hardly any difference to anyone over anything. I'm enough of an egotist to think this would be deeply dispiriting, but not enough of one to imagine I am important enough despite all of that to have any self-respect while I'm treading the water
3. Like Wertz, I'm a socialist. e.g. I think income taxes are a good thing, and high taxes for high earners are even better.
4. I have taken and enjoyed taking recreational drugs. And not just cannabis. And I did inhale. And I didn't try it just the once but not like it.
5. I like to drink alcohol
6. I'm an atheist
7. I am bald. When was the last time a bald white man won high democratic office in the television age? Putin's about the only one I can think of, but I'm not sure how democratic Russia is
8. Invective against opponents is more fun and far easier than coming up with any solutions yourself. I like easy much of the time.
9. I am generally suspicious of, and often actively hostile to, the intentions of corporations and their apologists, and these days they control a lot of the agenda, so I'd have a much harder time getting, and staying, elected than would someone who toed the corporate line
10. I wouldn't vote for me, so couldn't, with a straight face, ask anyone else to

So why can't you run for public office?


...because I'm not human

Uh, Wertzy- you can't run because you know what "fisting" means

That's how Trent Reznor is being kept out of public office! To say nothing of all the people who know what a rusty trombone is...

Hobbes pretty much captures my reasons, I'll only add:

11. Because I'd likely alienate my present party, but not be conservative enough on social issues for the other side.
12. Because I wouldn't suffer fools like O'Reilly, Hannity, Matthews, Dobbs, & Scarborough when they opt for the talking points vs. an actual discussion. And I'd call them full of it when they usually are. I might get more coverage on C-Span, though.
13. Because my pastor is too controversial.
14. Because I'd enjoy it when my gaffes show up on You Tube, and I might make some videos of my own.

I don't have any money.
Arthritis eats away at my joints.
I don't have a pastor.

What a fun idea!

Gosh, this ought to be a lengthy list...

• I'm too idealistic/optimistic
• I'm too intelligent
• I'm too liberal
• I'm too nice
• I'm not at all arrogant enough
• I don't have friends in high places
• I don't think I'd be able to be 'bought'
• My family has some serious Jerry Springer drama (none of which involves me, but that wouldn't matter)...althought that might be a plus because people would really feel sorry for me and wonder how I turned out sane and relatively normal
• I am not patriotic enough (rather, I think the kind of patriotism that is needed/desired for a person who holds a public office)
• I actually genuinely care about other people
• I don't have enough money
• I don't have a pastor nor do I particularly want one
• I do not have thick skin
• I have no desire to run for public office
• About those pictures...

Oh and Julian has my favorite answer so far...

First Amendment Rights.

Let's all wet ourselves over a typo.

Oh- I totally forgot about all that porn I made in my "formative years"- my formative years being from age 18-now.

Oh, dude- that was a funny typo now- just roll with it!

You had my vote, right up until you said "flat tax."

Hey now- there is another game- called "Why I should be president of the US"- much more popular, I didn't create that one- I did this one on my own.

1) I sometimes lack tact. I call a spade a spade and have no problem doing so.
2) I'd make to many enemies. I'd do what I thought were right and in the countries best interests even if it mean ticking a few people off.
3) I'm too much of an idealist. I'd have these grand ideas only to be depressed with the reality of politics.
4) I'm to eco-friendly. I'd really get rid of our dependency on foreign oil.

Have you read my intro? The vetting process would destroy me.

Why I can"t run for President?
I am too short
I am a woman
I probably would "misspoke"
I don't want to be called a Dumb A__ from AD

Not to single anybody out, but do folks who write things like "I'm far too intelligent and uncorruptible" know how smug they sound?

My disqualifications, and this list is not comprehensive:
I don't believe in God.
I'm a 37-year-old bachelor who's lived in San Francisco for ten years.

That's probably enough to make me unelectable for national office. Bay Area voters wouldn't mind so much, but I'm not "progressive" enough on economic issues for them.


Right, almost forgot: I wet myself over a typo.

How could you almost forget that you wet yourself? Unless you're a SCUBA diver, I would think wetting oneself would be an unforgettable event. Maybe you could add that to your list of reasons why you can't run for public office. That would make great fodder for your opponent.

Jobius, he doesn't even know when he wets himself.

1.) I suffer fools poorly, when they're actually causing me trouble

2.) I am pretty much incorruptible.

3.) I have the propensity to sound really smug.

4.) I am a complete teetotaler and could therefore never win the "person you'd most like to have a beer with" contests.

5.) I'm a Seventh-day Adventist and would have to endure a lot of grief about religion.

6.) I have an annoying tendency to tell people truths they probably don't want to hear and I'm black (it's the combination that's deadly).

7.) I'm unabashedly liberal.

We've got a guy named Darwin running for mayor.

Seemed funny to me in the ha-ha way. He got my vote.

Why I can't run for public office:

10 - Lack of interest.

9 - No label for my religion, no pastor or church other than God, the mountains and consciousness.

8 - I'd insist on writing my own speeches. It's like being your own lawyer.

7 - Once puked during catechism class. That pretty much set the tone for my whole life.

6 - Might be socialistic, might not. Socio-cap?

5 - A very very low tolerance for The Two Letter You Cannot Type In Caps Next To Each Other In A Certain Sequence On AD.

4 - In the theater of life I like being a stage hand. You get to control the curtains and sandbags.

3 - I know how a grid works and what cloud computing might eventually mean. This goes back to lack of interest in being a politician.

2 - Never been able to fool more than one person some of the time

1 - Certain that Lydia would lead the assassination plot

Um, I hope you are not talking about me- I am incorrutable because I am not that intelligent - because I would blurt out at the worst time, slapping my forehead, right in front of the press and everyone "Oh, that was a BRIBE, NOW I get it!"

My friend also said this- we had this state senator, Vic Kohring, that sold out for like, 2k dollars. Seriously- asked the dude if he had 100 on him in one taped sting operation.

I would like to think, if I were to take bribes, I would AT LEAST get enough to pay for my house and (future) legal bills.

I am corruptable- but I like to think I aint cheap.

I would force all world leaders that want diplomatic ties and face to face meetings with me to smoke lots of dope first.

So I would have REALLY BAD campaign slogans like

"make snacks, not, um, what were we talking about?"


Or, from the boondocks Aaron McGruder "B--tches LOVE smilies"

CR: you forgot all the "we should kill these guys" statements you've made....

My personal list:

-I'm Catholic
-Never been arrested.
-White male, 35 years old.
-I only know ONE person that I've met that doesn't like me. (Maybe there are others...)


Hey, maybe I should run.

Actually, my true negatives are:
-dubious family members
-relatively poor economic upbringing
-I don't know anybody who's "rich"
-I watch sports too much
-I'm not a great public speaker

The big one, like Hobbes, is that I would spend my time telling people what the government should NOT or will not do for them. Unemployment "insurance" encourages unemployment so don't look to the government to let you sit on your fanny. No one should go hungry, so I'd open up government run kitchens and "barracks": good, healthy food and a bed, but little more. I don't want anyone getting comfortable living off of others. Teachers are NOT underpaid. Government subsidies of industry would be greatly reduced except for a few key industries (not farming, timber, or oil).

It isn't that I don't care for people, it's that I truly believe in the old saying "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime." Giving people stuff does not help them, despite what people may think. Showing them how they can do for themselves and live better lives where they are responsible for themselves is a much better solution to the social ills of the day (in my not so humble opinion).

1. I am too much the socialist.

2. I am a pacifist. Campaigning to cut military budgets by 90% or so (I'm willing to bend my personal pacifism to allow for some border defense) would not be a popular stance.

3. I would want to return corporate charters to the way Adam Smith intended them.

4. I would tell people that want to teach ID (creationism) next to evolution in public schools that they should move to Iran (thanks to Quick for this brilliant tactic, which as it turns out is ever so much more fun than debating!)

5. I inhaled. More than a few times.

6. I am far too handsome, smart, upright, hip, and well-endowed to be elected. (trying to get in on the smuggy trend?)

Oh yeah- thanks Amlord-

I support the economic death penalty- no appeal, for all Corporate board members that are convicted of more than 250k dollars in fraud, and the same for any company, such as bear sterns, that has to be bailed out by the federal goverment in order to stop total economic meltdown.

I support the economic death penalty to any hacker that causes more than 250k dollars in lost income, to anybody.

I support an economic death penalty for any lawmaker that votes for war, and will never be allowed to hold public office of any kind, again, ever.

(My definition of economic death penalty is you are never allowed to own a home, rent a place, have anything more than the clothes on your back, you will be forced to live in homeless shelters the rest of your life)

I support a mandatory vow of poverty for all office seekers above the state level- all federal lawmakers and elected office holders- you will be given "welfare" wages- in other words- you will not recieve any allowance for home, food or whatever beyond what any welfare recipient in America makes.

That way public service is a sacrifice, not a way into a plumb corporate job or speaking gig at the end.

And I support the death penalty for all pedophiles. And any three time felony loser.

Practical reasons:

1. I am incompetent.
2. I am a coward.
3. I have very poor social skills.
4. I am not a leader.

Reasons why I don't want to:

4. I don't like to talk to people.
5. I don't like to make decisions.
6. I don't like responsibility.

Reasons that shouldn't matter at all, but which would make me anathema to most voters:

7. I'm an atheist.
8. I dislike children and dogs.
9. I hate Christmas.
10. I am not patriotic.
11. I hate sports.

All of these things describe George W. Bush and look how far he went.



Sounds just like a bunch of the so-called "leaders" we've already elected.



"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad". ~ W.C. Fields

We can amend that to dogs for the campaign. We'll lose DaffyGrl and Aquilla's votes, but pick up all the cat-lovers like BoF.

Who cares if you're an atheist? Look at the religious people we've had in power and the country's still going to hell. Let's try something different.

Christmas is for kids and you've already established you don't like the little greedy brats, so that's not a problem. Patriotism is like sincerity. If you can fake it, you've got it made.

Sports? Well, if you can throw out the first baseball and stand there grinning like a idiot while some jock who's won the Super Bowl hands you a t-shirt you'll never wear, we've got that covered. If you really can't do it, well, that's what the vice-president is for, right?

You're hired. When can you start?

I wouldn't run because my contribution wouldn't change anything. I don't like power because it only makes you important but doesn't change the odds. And the odds are that nothing is certain but death. So why bother with this joke?

If I had it my way, the world would be rid of the human race altogether.

I'd just get annoyed by people who didn't see things my way.

This is mainly because a bad part of me thinks that people who disagree with me are stupid - so therefore why should I waste time listening to their opinions?

I'm pretty certain that Pinochet, Noriega, Castro, Il-Jong, Stalin, Chairman Mao, Lukashenko and countless other similar political 'stars' feel / felt the same way.