Just for fun.

If you could ask any or all of the following people one question -- any question -- and be assured an honest, straightforward, off-the-record response, what would it be?

George W. Bush
Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
John McCain
Karl Rove
Barack Obama
George Bush, Sr.

Great topic.

1) GWB--What is the real reason we invaded Iraq?

2) HC--Is your EDIT that big in your blue pantsuit, or have you had a bad reaction to your suppositories? Oh, yeah, and exactly who or what killed Vince Foster?

3) Bill Clinton--Who is the best piece of EDIT you've ever had? Oh, yeah, and exactly what did the Chinese buy for their donations to you and to the DNC?

4) Johnny Mac--If you were President in GWB's first term, what would you have done differently vis-a-vis Iraq and Osama?

5) Rove--what's the best political "dirty trick" you've ever played?

6) Obama--Aren't you really a Communist, if not in actuality then in philosophy, and therefore very dismissive of the entire American way of life?

7) GB--What exaclty is your relationship with the Saudi royal family and the Kuwaiti royal family?

George W. Bush- Not worth it- he is not smart enough to answer a good question- he may be truthful, but too dumb to realize that what he says isn't the truth


Hillary Clinton- Do you actually have sex with Bill clinton- or , on the other side of that question- are you really just a freak and a swinger, and let Bill take the blame for the hot chicks you both enjoy?

Bill Clinton- did you ever REALLY get high on weed in college?

John McCain-I would ask him something personal between he and I about Vietnam, and a family connection. Still might try some day anyway.

Karl Rove- Are you really gay like they say you are?

Barack Obama- Are you for real, or are you making this stuff up- and, really- why try?

George Bush, Sr.- Are you ever disappointed you didn't have a vasectomy upon marrying Barb?

George W. Bush Considering your dismal tenure as president and the Texas Rangers' many horrible seasons since 1994, do you wish you had never sold the club and never gone into politics?

Given that McCain's healthcare plan is a joke, I would challenge him to post an answer to my private health providers vs. state plans thread.

As for Barack Obama-I would ask something along the lines of what makes Tony Rezko such a great person to get to know?

Bill Clinton-What was the toughest election you ever faced and why?

George Bush Sr-How do you view your presidency?

GWB-Are you really a sith?

GWB - Everyone hates you. Does that hurt?
HC - You lie constantly. Is that why you let your husband cheat on you - or is there another reason?
JM - What do you think of John Kerry's Purple Hearts?
KR - How do you do it you magnificent bastard?
BO - You're a Muslim aren't you?
GHB - Everyone hates your son. Do you?

George W. Bush-I am sorry BA- but your question would make him look at you like a dog that heard a funny sound.

But some other questions came up because of your questions.


Hillary Clinton- admit it- SWINGER- you would get alot more votes from the orgy crowd!Do you get mad at your husband for "bogarting" the weed sometimes?

Bill Clinton- how did you come to be best friends with Bush Sr? Is it because of "dumb GW jokes"- you guys trading them and all that? Do you make the secret service "score" for you?

John McCain- Are you REALLY best friends with John Kerry, or very close friends anyway- and did you offer any "payback" on GW to John Kerry for all that crap GW had pulled on you if you became president?

Karl Rove- come on, you ARE really a closeted gay aren't you!

Barack Obama- Dude- do you REALLY want to become president of this nation- I mean, really? Do you really care if you win- or do you just want to see white people squirm because they may have a black man named Obama as president? You can tell me, I love when someone "gets one over on the man"

George Bush, Sr.- So, why Bill Clinton for reals? - you guys watch the boondocks together, ALOT, and you try to immitate the Ed Asner Character while BC immitates the GW/Charlie Murphy character while you both puff on a spliff, come on- you know it is true! Do you guys drop gay jokes about Karl Rove too?

George W. Bush- Would you like a glass of water? (spoken very slowly, with enunciation)

Hillary Clinton- When was the last time anyone came near the pharaoh’s tomb? (no way she's a swinger CR, but thanks a million for that image)

Bill Clinton- Did you know that every time you lie, God kills a kitten? Think of the kittens.

John McCain- If this doesn’t work out for you, will you do commercials for Viagra?

Karl Rove- not a question, but I’d hold up a crucifix in front of his face to see what happens.

Barack Obama- You didn’t really mean that bit about invading Pakistan, did you?

George Bush, Sr.- What was the real reason our forces were sent to Somalia? (I've truly always wanted to ask him that one)

Since this is a casual conversation topic- I have to utter the one liner "Sorry for the image Mrs P, and I am sincere with that"

I'd ask them all the same question. "Do you think the human race is going to be around a hundred years from now and what is the basis for your belief."

That would force them out of their highly political short term perspective and make them look deeply and comprehensively into history and the human condition and play Old Testament prophet to the future.

One politician you didn't include whose answer would particularly interest me would be Jimmy Carter. I think he and Barack Obama would probably offer the most thoughtful responses.

George W. Bush -- Mister President, how much influence does the Vice-President have on your policy decisions?

Hillary Clinton -- Senator Clinton, would you accept the position of Vice-President if it meant a Democratic victory?

Bill Clinton -- Mister President, how strong an influence do you expect to have on national policy if Senator Clinton is elected President?

John McCain -- Senator McCain, what will be the major differences between your policies and those of the current administration?

Karl Rove -- Sir, how much of an influence do you have on the policies of the current administration?

Barack Obama -- Senator Obama, would you accept the position of Vice-President if it meant a Democratic victory?

George Bush, Sr. -- Mister President, in what ways is the United States a "kinder, gentler" society now, compared to your years in office, and in what ways is it not?

I decided to give my questions a theme: faith.

George W. Bush

What I've always wanted to ask George, starting with the book of John, Chapter 3:



George. Do you believe that Muslims go to heaven or hell? Or, as the child and product of an Ivy League elite, do you really take all this blue collar born again stuff with a grain of salt?

Hillary Clinton
You've spoken, at times, of a boy's club at the helm of American politics. Do you think the American church, with its dearth of female pastors and its emphasis on conservative ways of living, contributes to a misogynistic culture?

Really -- and this isn't a knock on Hillary -- I'd like to ask her just how deeply she actually believes in God. We're getting to a point where our leaders can almost, *almost* be secular (if not atheistic), and I suspect this Goldwater girl, who once spoke of finding a more "penetrating mode of living" has a pretty bread-and-butter non-spiritual view on life. But I could be wrong.

Bill Clinton


Bill, you swear a lot. I mean, a lot. Have you ever, even in your impressionable youth, used the n-word?

John McCain


What do you really, honestly think of abortion? How much is your ambiguous position on abortion guided by faith, and how much is guided by politics?

Karl Rove


Basically, I'd ask Karl a new take on the old, unanswerable "does your mother know your gay" question that homophobic eighth graders launch across the playground. Namely: "Does the evangelical right know you're gay?"

Barack Obama

How has Pan-Africanism guided your political and spiritual growth? Do you believe America has a unique commitment to Africa, beyond the simple fact that Africa is poor and America has wealth to share?

George Bush, Sr.

Did you feel a tinge of regret when you saw Saddam Hussein hung? I mean, you know how sometimes enemies give one's life purpose -- especially the lives of rejected one-term presidents who are forced to watch as their son both outshines and royally screws up their legacy? So, yeah. When you saw this great foe of yours dragged to the gallows by a disorderly Shia death squad, did you feel like this great adversary of yours was being denied a deserving ending -- kind of the way Dr. Evil would feel if Austin Powers was unexpectedly gunned down by small-time drug dealers? Like somehow, a part of you died on those gallows, too? Explain, I'm starving to know.



In the end, what shocked me is how little my questions have to do with policy, and how much they have to do with exactly the kind of two-bit meaningless character politics that I decry in the media. Turns out I'm a big, whopping hypocrite.

George W. Bush
What's it like to live without a conscience?

Bill Clinton
Mind if you spread your cheeks for me? This will only take a moment.

John McCain
Ever considered corrective surgery?

Karl Rove
If the price is right will you work for Democrats?

Barack Obama
Can I call you Hussein X Obama?

George Bush, Sr.
Were you or Laura on drugs when Junior was conceived?

Can't think of one for Clinton.

I get a guaranteed honest answer?

Well then....

George W. Bush, why did you invade Iraq? Because I have no idea why he really did

Hillary Clinton, do you love your husband? Because I'd like to know if Hillary Clinton is merely using her husbands name for her own ambitions.

Bill Clinton, is your wife a proxy? Because I'd like to know if Bill Clinton thinks he can exert influence through his wife.

John McCain, do you love our wife? Because I'd like to know why he is married to some one he apparently called a c---- in public.

Karl Rove, are you happy with your success? Because I'm not

Barack Obama, do you believe in God? Because I'd like to know what motivated Obama to attend rev Wrights church for so many years

George Bush, Sr, what do you really think of Saudi Arabia? Because I'd like to know just how far up King Abdullah's fundamental orifice America's nose has procedeed

Pssst- George W's mama is Barb- his wife is named laura- just sayin'! (and it's a softball girl- she was not on drugs- she was drunk as hell, and continued that way for 9 months- I see unmistakable signs of fetal alcohol exposure )