This board is very quite it so I deiced to post one and stir things up a bit. Is it just me, or do men sometimes have social problems more then women. It seems to me that they do. I mean men can hardly do anything without some person telling them they are "gay" or that they are a "faggot." The school seems to be the worst place for this type of treatment. I mean I know women have social problems as well. But I recently talked to a girl and she said she was one of those quite and shy types, but never got picked on. Though I was a quite and shy type myself and I got picked on everyday.

I guess you're asking if males get bullied on more than females.

I would guess that would be true. Males need to fight it out to determine their territorial rights. Males are also more aggressive in terms of relationships. Males can be more crueler in how they treat other people.

What? Nobody else has anything to say about this?

If Otseng heard you right my answer would be "Yea, isn't it obvious."
How often did you see female fist fights in school? That WAS childhood but it still says something about the level of concern for social position in the male mind.

As an adult I think there are more female vs female conflicts than male vs male conflicts. Females are a lot more territorial.

I have friends that used to be best friends that won't spend time with eachother because their girlfriends/wives don't get along. You rarely hear of it the other way around.

More territorial? Uh, I always thought that men are more territorial. I THINK it's a proven point. Are you able to prove that women are more territorial? Also I found that men have to stick closer to society's rules like "Men can't cry" Pfft, why not? It's not acceptable? Why? Also if they DO cry they are somehow homosexual. I haven't figured that one out.

Part of the social problems, in my opinion, have to do with the changing roles of women. Those roles which were formerly only men's roles (political and bussiness leadership, wearing pants, etc.) can now be women's roles as well. However, what were once women's roles (emotionality, child care) have not expanded much to include men. How many others have noticed that, in the media, a homosexual man is a "bad" thing while a homosexual woman is a "good" thing? How much would you respect a man wearing a dress, as opposed to a woman wearing pants?
There is an idea in this country that men are too agressive and selfish to make good decisions, and that women would neccessarily make better decisions. While this idea is demonstrably wrong, it also opposes the anti-judgmental ideals this country is supposed to have.

I think part of the problem with men having social problems more than women, is in how they are raised. . .or not raised. Women are taught (either by example or hands on) how to take care of others and subsequently themselves. I don't feel that is the case with men. How many women out there have had a boyfriend/husband that they felt they had to "mother" and finish the raising process because their own mother obviously never bothered. . .because men are not raise to take care of anyone but themselves? So as a result, you have men, thrown out into the "real world", that simply can't take it and resort to socially deviant behaviors. But that is just my embittered opinion. . . .

-Kisov

Another big factor is fatherhood, or the lack thereof. Male children need a male role model. Nay, they need a good male role model. The idea that men are unnecessary in the family is presently a pervasive and destructive idea. Imagine a boy growing up in a lower class, single parent home. His father has been absent for almost as long as he can remember, and his mother has to divide her time between multiple jobs and her children.

What message does the boy get? Men can do whatever they want, and women will clean up their messes. I do not need to stress how terrible a trend this is.

The point is that boys need good, caring, hard-working fathers, and the lack thereof in a great number of American families is definitely negative. In fact, this probably contributes to the observations made by Kisov.

I am sure I will get a lot of negativity on this from men but ladies, men are little boys in big bodies. I am not sayings ALL men but for the most this is true. I have 2 girls and a boy. The girls are older he is the youngest. Maybe that is part of the problem, but the girls can cook clean etc. This "Boy" child says he cannot cook. Clean? Oh yeah mom ok. in a min. I have to admit he has gotten better but I think because my middle daughter and I will NOT cater to him anymore. It was for many years women stayed home and took care of the kids and husband when he come home form working all day. because the MOM did nothing all day. Well there aren't too many stay at home moms anymore and if they girls can adapt the boys better too!

Mo3

I had only one brother and he got away with murder. One time he was taking his turn at doing dishes. My Grandmother was visiting and she said, "All these girls and the boy is doing the dishes." He never had to do dishes again! :-(

I have four sons (and two daughters) and believe you me, they all know how to cook, clean, do laundry & anything else it takes to run a house.

My daughters in law are grateful to me!!!

MT

I am rather annoyed by the condemnation of a gender, but I cannot deny the accuracy in what you say. Studies show that boys have less developed natural communication abilities than girls; they have a disadvantage beginning life and, if they do not get a good example from a father figure, they are doomed to be developementally stunted. The problem all comes down to the home; only with very able guidance can a boy overcome his disadvantages and become a true man.

I don't know if I would say that men have more social problems than women. I think that the problems merely manifest themselves differently in women. Some examples of female social problems would include a greater emphasis on appearance, which can often lead to low self-esteem and eating disorders. Also, while women bully less on a physical scale, they can be more cruel to one another mentally. Additionally, the natural nurturing instincts of women can sometimes lead to a martyr effect where a woman is willing to sacrifice her own hapiness and desires to take care of someone else.

There's also the sexual aspect to look at between men and women. Men are expected to go out and "sow their wild oats", but a woman who does the same thing is looked down upon. All the while, the media often portrays women as being the objects of men, which creates further confusion for women about what their sexual role is supposed to be.

Cyan I agree with what your saying but times have changed and I think women no longer want to sacrifice their happiness for their mates anymore. In the majority of marriages Both have to work. To own a home, car, have insurance etc. and I am not talking about being able to afford luxeries, in today's world 2 people cannot live on one person's salary. Believe me I know from experience. I do however think that is why the divorce rate is so high today in America. Because Women want a say and a place in society today. I think women have come to realize if they have to give 50% so can their mate.

True, but I'm not necessarily talking about giving monetarily. Many women take on the responsibilities of working in addition to the domestic responsibilities that have traditionally been their roles. Responsibilities are equalizing, but I don't believe that the process is complete, and you're probably correct about that being the reason why divorce rates are so high.

Even so, this doesn't address the psychological factor of appearances and sexuality that women deal with, and it doesn't address the conflict resolution issue. I would say that female social behavior is equally problematic as compared to male social behavior. They just manifest themselves differently. Men need to learn how to emote more effectively, while women need to learn how to be more up front and honest when it comes to conflict resolution. Also, each gender needs to learn how to be more comfortable with the equalization of societal roles.

I don't think the argument should be about pitting one gender against another. It should be about the realization that society has changed and each gender has issues that have evolved out of that change and need to be dealt with.

I don't think that men have more social problems, simply because we are logical thinkers, as a whole. Women think with emotion, which naturally conflicts with everything, even itself. That's not to say men don't have issues at all. I'm just looking at the big picture.

Hi fr0sty-

Welcome to the forum. How dare you say women are emotional? That makes me mad. I'm going to stomp about and pout now (just what you'd expect of me being a woman and all )

Seriously, though. I might as well be the first one to ask - (everyone sing along, it's a familiar song around here), "Got any proof of what you're saying?"

It's easy to generalize (stereotypes exist for a reason), but I like examples.

The fact that the "Mens Issues" forum is so quiet is a testament to men in general. When asked about ourselves, most of us really don't have anything to say.

Men in American society are in control of themselves and their emotions and we don't have issues. I think that's the prevalent thought. Being a guy, it's been hard to learn how to be emotionally expressive. I even cried once a while back, and I mopped up my tears after about 3 seconds, sucking it up, thinking, hey -- I'm a man. I'm in control.

It's an odd thing.

I wouldn't say that women are more emotional than men. They may have more mood swings perhaps, but they communicate better than men, usually, so when the lady is experiencing an emotion, she shares it and you know about it. Men internalize more, I think. I don't know how this might contribute to social problems...

The fact that 8 times as many men as women are in jail is proof males are oppressed.

I think men should be able to express themselves without being so fearful that their peers might think they're "fruity". It is a genuine shame that men in our society have to be so "Vulcan", except of course when it comes specifically to anger and aggression. Those of course are 'manly' emotions, so that's acceptable. Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, men do have emotions, men do get upset, and do get their feelings hurt. The problem is that it is not socially acceptable for them to admit it.

Do men have more social problems?

I don't think we have 'more' social problems, but I think our problems are more neglected.

When I grew up, I never felt wanted. In the school class the girls were the good students and they got all the attention, whilst I sat at the back of the room with the other 'misfits' and idly waited for childhood to pass. In my report card, the teachers would always write, 'exceptionally bright, but lacking in motivation'. Today, reading those cards, I cannot understand how a teacher could let a 'bright' student simply pass them by.
I was twenty five years old before I had a teacher who took the time to really teach me anything, and almost everything I learned in the mean time I learned from books I read in my own time. Needless to say I was a school drop out and at 18 years old my own Father expected me to become a drug addled bum.
When I did not do so, but actually found a girl friend and applied for higher education, he was amazed, he was simply so astounded that he did not know what to say.

Now I don't know what it is really like to be female, but I do know that is has been very hard for many women to be accepted by a male dominated society. Where the shoe rubs for me, is the fact that I feel that in some way I am expected to feel sorry for women and accept them as equals, when my reality has always been the other way. Every bank employee, doctor, teacher or social security worker I had until I was 32, was a woman. My Father rarely interfered with my Mothers decisions, and through out my entire life I have had women telling me what I should do. So, its a little difficult sometimes to accept that as a male, I am some how responsible for the patriarchal bias which society is said to have.

But, having said that, I can agree that such a bias does exist. I just don't see it as a simple black and white issue. For me, it has been very difficult to be a man. I feel there is no gratitude in living up to societies expectations, and without the role of a father, a man is often considered useless. When men run into problems, through alcohol misuse or by simply getting 'lost', it is often the case that they are abandoned to their fate, and no one cares about them once they have been left by their partners.

In many ways, they bring this upon themselves because most men do not challenge the social order. They accept their allocated roles and are incapable of dealing when they experience any set backs to that role, such as with a divorce or loss of personal worth.
Of my fathers three brothers, one committed suicide when his wife asked for a divorce, another had a mental break down when his wife left him for another man and the third turned his back on his family when he married. My own father is still alive and lives with my mother, but he is an emotional cripple, who has never once told any of his three sons that he loves them.

Today, when my friends are visiting with their two sons, I am often hugged by these children who do not give it a second thought, but the unfamiliarity of hugging such a small person as a child always makes me think to what I never had, and inside I can feel the pain of that loss.

If I ask 'when I was that young why did no one ever love me?' it makes me cry, because I can never go back, and there is no answer but that I was loved, but no one who loved me knew how to show me what they felt.

In so many ways, I am lost in what it means to be a man. When women talk about men, they almost always talk about being a father, but I am not yet a father, and perhaps I never will be. Does that mean I am like those men who nobody wants to talk to? that I have no value?

Even to this day, I feel like the kid at the back of the class room watching the girls get all the education whilst life just passes me by.