First, story that inspired this question quoted at length, then question for debate.

Oh Dad, Poor Dad

In abuse, men are victims, too

Cathy Young

The Family Violence Prevention Fund marked this Father's Day with a campaign to honor men who have pledged themselves to an effort to stop violence against women and children. It sounds like a positive and inspirational effort. Yet on second thought, one can see why some fathers' activists are rankled. Imagine a Mother's Day campaign that focused on stopping women's abuse of children.

(quoted at length from Reason.com
---

1 .Should there be more effort placed in cases of female on male abuse.
2. Should there be more effort placed in helping the victims thereof?
3. Isn't it pretty low to for them to make an anti-abuse compaign of Father's Day?

-Robert

Edited to add - it was NOT quoted at length, it was quoted in it's entirety which is against the Rules. I edited out all except the first paragraph. You can chose other parts you feel more appropriate for your debate but NOT the entire article. -Jaime

Point of order, Jaime - did you edit out commentary relevant to the thread title - "Is female domestic abuse of men ignored?" or was it not there at all?It's just that I came here expecting to debate that, but the links I'm left with give me a (perfectly good, Robert) thread about male-on-female abuse.

Anyway, my responses:

1. Yes, very much so
2. Yes, very much so
3. Yes, it does seem pretty insensitive, although from their p-o-v they got maximum publicity from the timing, which is I guess their reason for it.

No, there was only one article and it article was posted here in its entirety despite Greenring7's claim that it was "quoted at length." I removed paragraph two through the end of the article. You can use the link to read the rest of it.

America's Debate does not have permission to post Ms. Young's work here in it's entirety. We can not afford to pay her.

Sheesh. I go away for a few hours, and look what happens.

The artical was quoted at length, as it did include most of the article, as most of the article was pertinant to the questions asked, however, there were unneeded sections that were left out;mostly grammatical shortenings, I tried my best not to cut out real content pertinant to this conversation. Hence, "quoted at length."

Of course, if you feel that you know what I quoted better than I do, that's your call, as this is your board.

Anyways, now I will repost - taking great care to metion what passages I am leaving out, for your satisfaction, so this topic can continue with actual commentary on the topic at hand, as opposed to CYA bickering.

http://www.reason.com/cy/cy061703.shtml

Now, this is not an exact copy of what I earlier posted, as I'm trying to get this back up and for debate ASAP. Anywho, no matter which posting you go by, I don't have the whole thing here, just the pertinant stuff (my fault for chooseing an article that is almost entirely pertinant).

The orignal questions still stand for debate, now that the method I came to ask these questions has been reshown.

So let's debate

-Robert



Edit: We get it. You want us to read the article. We can all click the link. It seems as though you are pushing this issue on purpose.

Certainly there should be attention paid to the fact that anyone can be the instigator of, and the victim of, domestic abuse. Men should not have to be ashamed to seek help when they have been abused. I don't even have a problem with using Father's Day to publicize this problem, just as I would have no problem with using Mother's Day to publicize the fight against breast cancer.

If there really are "feminists" who "use the specter of male violence as a scare tactic to deny equal rights to fathers," let me say that these people are not feminists at all, by any definition I would recognize; they are sexists. A feminist, to my mind, must oppose gender-based discrimination, no matter which sex is the victim of it.

1 .Should there be more effort placed in cases of female on male abuse. No there should be equal effort. Or, more to the point, every effort should be made to curb domestic violence regardless of the gender of the perpetrator.
2. Should there be more effort placed in helping the victims thereof? Again, every effort should be made to help the victims of all abuse, whether male on female, female on male, male on male, or female on female.
3. Isn't it pretty low to for them to make an anti-abuse compaign of Father's Day? Ach, Father's Day is kind of an ersatz holiday anyway, designed, as far as I can tell, primarily for the benefit of greeting card companies. As a father, I have no problem with the day being expoited to some worthier end.

Easy for a women to say...

All I can really say is, If some b' was giving me hell and being abusive, I'd just up and say 'l'm not putting up with this bullshh' and leave.

Forgive my slightly colored language but, if a man's stupid enough to hang around with someone abusive, I aint gonna feel sorry for'em.

Do you feel the same way about women who won't leave a man that beats on them? If not, why not? Are the rules different for women? If so, what are these rules?

What, don't you remember this case? What was it, 4 months ago, national news and all that?


http://news.findlaw.com/court_tv/s/2003021...2003181919.html

BD123, please don't make it this easy.



http://www.usask.ca/psychology/forensic/Fo...anuary2002.html


Let's deliver the coup de gras ...


http://www.uiowa.edu/~030116/158/articles/...dershowitz3.htm

I shouldn't've tried to be reasonable with one of my posts, I should've put exactly what I meant.

Any kind of abuse, man or woman it doesn't matter, they should be smart enough to just up and say "i'm not putting up with this", and leave.

I want to think on this one a bit more, but for the time being, I did come across a rather interesting article on this subject and I didn't want to lose the link.

Studies shatter myth about abuse

I have long suspected that domestic abuse against males is more prevelant than one might think, and this article may tend to support that. One thing I do know is that physical abuse isn't the only kind of domestic abuse that happens. Anyway, read the link and I want to think this thing through more.....

True, women can and do hit, slap or go of in a rage against men, then he punches her and breaks her nose, or beats her til her ribs are broken or kicks her in the stomach until she miscarries her baby. Sure, domestic abuse is all one and the same! We need to make a case for all the men that are beaten up by women. Hospitalized to boot. Its so flagrant, I cant imagine how weve overlooked it. I am now suddenly very worried about men being beaten up by women. (Give me a break)
I wait for the day things are that equal that a man thinks twice before raising his hand to beat a woman and she will take him DOWN.
I dont see women getting into barfights, trying to prove 'quien is mas macho'. Lets face it, males get into: 'somebody' is inferior and takes it out on the lesser, start some physical violence, and if you dont get your get off with your buddies, you can go home and beat your wife.
Women are not prone to physical fighting, although she might slap you because you are infuriating and have done a great injustice. This doesnt equate to a punch in the face, nor the majority of control issues that lead to domestic violence. Women can escalate this situation because we can be unreasonable, but men are JUST as unreasonable, most of us( females) KNOW that to get into hand to hand combat with a man is not something we can win. Sometimes though, just as barfights, we want to go at it too, talk is just not good enough, we wish we could get physical, but its a losing proposition.

Artemise,

I challenge you to take a long, hard examination of your core beliefs and consider whether or not they are influencing your perspective. Your post, aside from being another instance of insulting misandry, is completely dismissive of the facts. Your sarcasm is unbecoming in light of the seriousness of the issue. How serious? I'll simply repeat one of my previous quotations:

How many men have packed themselves and their kids up and hit the underground shelter railroad, (privately funded) to go to a new city and look over their shoulder for the next 10 years?

Women have been told that its their fault if they stay in abusive relationships. The same goes for men.

As far as misandry, I dont hate men but I do despise whiny people. Everyone needs to take responsability for themselves in todays world. That does sound rather harsh, but hey, walk a mile in my shoes, been there, done that, and Im not whining. Feminism fixed that. Im sick of blamers and whiners, especially the new arrivals to victimization, who claim issues are 'suddenly serious' because theyre happening to men. Get real, or lets have a group cryfest.

Sigh. It's times like this that almost makes me wish I were a conservative. Almost.

Then I could just say, "In today's society everybody can claim victim status. Everybody."

But no, I'm a liberal. Guess that means I've got to feel compassionate for all the battered men trapped in abusive relationships.

It does happen. Men can get the living hell beat out of them by women. I know they can. I saw a story on "20/20."

Still and all, has anyone ever heard of a Battered Men's Shelter?

Uh-huh. Me neither.

I don't think that addressing the issue of abuse is whiny. It's true that men are, in general, likely to do more damage physically than their female partners, but this isn't always the case. I used to live beneath a couple where the woman, who was much larger than the man, beat her boyfriend with her shoes. It happens. It's very wrong, and it shouldn't be any less appalling when the victim is a man.

Okay, I'm going to answer the 3 initial questions directly now, then wrap up.

Yes, if by "more" the meaning is "more than is presently the situation." If, however, the question is "should there be more effort placed in cases of female on male abuse than placed on cases of male on female abuse", the answer is No.
See above.
I don't know if I'd use the term "pretty low", 'tis a bit too strong. I think "tacky" covers it adequately.

Cathy Young, not exactly the poster girl for a testosterone charged Alpha male member of the Patriarchy, said this in her article:



I don't know whether Artemise or Nighttimer can be considered part of the "domestic violence establishment", but they have clearly attempted to deny or minimize female violence against men.

Ridicule, qualifies as denial or minimization.

Minimization/Denial. Justifying the violence, blaming the man.

Denial. The logical construction is this: Because men don't use the shelter railroad, they aren't being abused.

Minimization, similar construction as the shelter railroad.

The facts speak for themselves. In conclusion, I'll leave you with this gem from Schopenhauer:

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed, second it is violently opposed, and third, it is accepted as self-evident."

Well, we're all real impressed that you can quote Schopenhauer, but I must have missed the "facts" in your post.

You seem to be indicating that domestic violence by women directed against men is some huge problem. Nobody has said it doesn't exist and it's no more acceptable for a woman to brutalize a man than would it be when the positions are reversed.

But is it a widespread problem that merits serious action from law enforcement, social agencies and other professional intervention to stem the tide. No, because it's a very small group of men that are being physically battered.

Unless you have evidence to the contrary, BD?

Hence the man should do what women have been advised for decades, get out. End of scenario. Apalling, yes, more apalling is staying.

My point here is that women have been told they may not continue to consider themselves victims if they dont leave, even when they have to pack their children up and hit the road. Therefore I would logically conclude that if men put up with it its also their own fault.



And pedophilia which is more often committed by men.



I believe I am asking about relevance. Structure of expected behavior in abuse issues has been clearly established, get out. So what is the new relevance to men?

Perhaps we might debate in another topic the dynamics of abuse, why its occurring and why people dont leave. That would be interesting.

As far as Fathers Day to be a bad time to focus on abuse issues, I agree, very tacky. Fathers Day should be a celebration of all the good fathers out there.

I do not think that domestic abuse of men is ignored. I think that police and emergency room personnel take their cues from the man involved.
A man has to overcome a feeling of shame (as women do) in order to admit that a woman has beaten him or otherwise hurt him.

It would be nice to have shelters for battered men. And perhaps there are. Like the underground railroad it might not be widely publicized, but they may exist. If they don't, they should exist.

Abuse is abuse, regardless of which gender is suffering from it. It is every bit as serious when a man is abused. And it doesn't take a big, strapping woman to inflict it. There are some wiry, petite women who can be NASTY when they lose their tempers.

Hey, I can quote Kant too, ain't I special!

The "facts" are throughout the thread, as well as in the linked articles that began the thread.



It is a problem on the same scale as domestic violence by men directed against women. Whether you consider that to be "huge" or not is up to you. I'm merely arguing that the problem is on the same scale, and the response is not.



Evidence to the contrary (already stated) 40% of spousal murder defendants are women. Additional evidence:

An Enquiry Into the Adult Male Experience of Heterosexual Abuse by Anne Lewis, M.A.

Read it yourself.

And more, courtesy of the taxpayer:
Studies Of Domestic Violence Supported By The National Institute Of Mental Health

Pay particular attention to Table 19's 1992 data, where more wives report using severe violence than being victims of severe violence. Where wife against husband rates of severe violence are @50% higher than husband against wife.

As Anne Lewis's study clearly establishes, society and the legal system are quite conflicted about the "expected behavior" for abused men.



Further, the "get out" paradigm, whether for men or women, is remarkably unsuited as a solution in far too many situations. Domestic violence comes in many varieties, severities, permutations, etc, and a single one-size-fits-all solution doesn't work. That said, a more substantive exploration of the roots and solutions of domestive violence is fodder for another thread.

Bikerdad,

Not to make light of domestic violence against men, but the statistics in your links don’t have any differentiation between acts of initiated violence and self defense. The charts are split into his/her/ and their violence categories, as though no one was the initiator. If someone were to hit me, I would hit them back. This would make the chart as mutual violence, when I would classify it as ‘his’ violence.

If I were to site a statistic encouraging firearm prevention, stating that 'X amount of people were killed this year due to firearms', it might be technically true, but also misleading because a certain number of those deaths might have been self defense related.

I don’t dispute that there is a problem. I also recognize that in a situation of domestic violence, one spouse has significant leverage over the other by using the children. It certainly isn't a simple case of 'why didn't he leave?'.... But, I don’t believe that female on male violence it’s anywhere near the magnitude of male on female violence.

Here’s a link indicating that, although 41 percent of the spousal homicide perpetrators were women, 44 percent of those women had been assaulted by the man at the time of the 'murder'. I would call that a case of self-defense.

http://66.218.71.225/search/cache?p=wives+...df/spousfac.pdf

I worked on the forensic unit of our hospital for 8 years. In that time, at least 80% of the women that had court ordered evals were for spousal abuse or child abuse/sexual abuse of the child. Our society simply can not grasp that women are capable of the same crimes men are, in fact, we demonize men in our society for almost all it's ails! Every time a women commits a hienous crime that is similar to one a man would do, she "must have been crazy, no woman would do that"- is the first line of defense. They very often get much lighter sentences than men, I mean much, like 30-40 years shorter than men would for a similar crime, if they are not allowed to plead out. In a way, this hurts women's equal rights as much as anything else.

IN court the first line of defense against ANY crime she commits is the "abusive significant other" defense"- which judges buy hook line and sinker all the time. You only have to see thier demeanor on the unit to determine who the abuser will be, but of course, the judge won't see that behavior. All they see is the teary eyed female recounting her horrible abuse at the hands of her terrible husband/boyfriend etc.

Equal rights for women will come only when they have equal responsibility for thier actions. Women abuse men and get away with it far more than the other way. Yes, it is stupid to stay with an abusive S.O.- but that doesn't make the victim "deserve it".

Good post CR

Although there is one area of crime for which women seem to be pilloried as badly, if not worse, than male perps - child abuse or neglect.

Again, it seems to be down to gender stereotyping - "she's supposed to feel maternal towards them! She must be really evil to deny her instincts like that!".

Where, if a man goes on vacation leaving their eight year old to fend for themselves, the reaction (if there even is one), is more likely to be "Well, what did you expect. He's a man."

I'd like to add my own personal experience.

I lived with someone for about a year. She seemed nice and we had a very strong physical connection. Her true colors started showing about 8 months after we had moved in with each other. At first it was a little slap here in there whenever there was an argument. She then started throwing things and one night launched an angel figurine at my head. I didn't get out of the way in time and it clocked me good in the temple. I was rushed to the ER because I wasn't making coherent sentences and was very dizzy. I actually don't remember much of that night. No cops were called, nobody asked me how it happened, they held me overnight and released me to my girlfriend. If I had been a woman, the other person would have been in jail.

She said she was sorry and that she would try and work on her anger problem. It was ok for a couple of months but she only got worse. One night, we got in another argument and she went nuts, she was trying to box me like we were in a ring. I told her to stop because I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't want another thing hurled at my head. She called me a few names to taunt me. Finally I wrestled her to the ground and pried a screwdriver from her hand. Apparently in the struggle, I had kneed her in the side while I was trying to sit on her til she calmed down. She said she was calm, I let her up, she went into the bedroom. About 10 minutes later, the cops came to the door and hauled me off for domestic violence. She called the cops on ME!!

I told the cops that it was her that was the aggressor. They told me it didn't matter, the man goes to jail overnight no matter what actually happened. They said I could get a lawyer if I wanted but said, "Off the record, just get out of the situation, you won't win your case".

So, I got my stuff out of there and left. I haven't seen or heard from her since.

Here are a few reasons why I think victimized men are silent:

1. We're not supposed to hit back. As soon as we do, it's no longer a mutual domestic disturbance, we go to jail. So, why call?

2. Let's face it, men get screwed in the courtroom in divorce cases and even more so in domestic violence cases. We stick around because we'll have to pay child support and possibly alimony. We lose our house and possibly our car. So, we suck it up and deal with it.

3. Who wants to admit they get beat up by a woman?

I can only guesstimate that a lot of domestic abuse starts with the woman hitting first. I've never intentionally hit a woman in my life, and don't plan to. There are probably thousands of cases like mine where the guy will not hit back. My heart goes out to every single one of them. It's a tough choice to make because you're not going to get any sympathy from anyone, you're not going to win a case in court, and you're going to get screwed over by a judge. But, you have to do it or you'll probably end up hitting back eventually and you'll go to jail.

• women do abuse men

[QUOTE]well first of all today is my 37th birthday and were are my kids with the ex.just want to say women do beat there husbands thats why i got divorced.my ex ran up behind me hit me in the small ofback knocked medown on the ground kicked at my head oh i moved out of the way.when i got up off the ground i looked at here and said did that feel good i got in the driver seat of my car went to shut the door she reached through the window punched me in the face 5to6 times went backup on theporch looked at my kids and said see i told you your daddy was a wimp maybe so i am about five eight and 180pds shes about five eight 230pds my kids were 3 and 8 at the time and they were yelling why did you hit daddy so then i went to my sisters house called the law they asked me my side of the story 10 times before they went to get her side of it she told them what she had done they took her to jail she spent the weekend in jail that next monday she went before the judge he asked what she plead she said not guilty he let her go on an or bond went before the same judge for our divorce he dropped the abuse charge i am still mad about that the courts and the lawyers need to wake up before she kills one of my kids she has already been charged with abusing my youngest with a wooden spoon let big bruises on the back of her thighs thats not over yet ether i will be taking her back to court she will probably win but i am gonna say my peice anybody know any siteswere a person can get info on family law issues in the state of kansas oh yea dont tell me there is no such thing as a bad mom i will give you my exs address fine example of mother hood sits around gettin high all day and makin the kids do her stuff for her well thats all for now thank you

The dissemination of personal information is not allowed.

First, some personal info. I have been in a physically abusive relationship, not with a woman but the point Ataal raised still holds true- given our societal values it is very difficult for a man to admit to being abused, it runs counter to everything we've been taught it means to be a man.

Not sure I understand this question. If you mean acknowledgement, the problem there is deep rooted and the biggest issue is that the men themselves are afraid to admit to being abused.

Yes, the biggest problem here is that the best groups to help the abused tend to be largely staffed by people who have been abused themselves- being that the most common physical abuse scenario involves a man abusing a woman there can be a bit of hostility toward men.

I actually agree with you here. It's not a big deal, but it seems like they could have picked a better time to focus on the bad guys than a day which is intended to celebrate fatherhood.

hey im sorry you took that the wrong way i would not give her address to my worst enemy.bad news today i found out my 9 year old has bipolar disorder. but she did not get it from my genes i adopted her three years before my divorce her real dad did not care about her. i feel kinda of bad because all the time i was marreid to her mom ithought she had a attitude problem i should not have been so ruff on her but i thought i was doing the right thing. i was probably wrong no i know i was .things that happened from that drove us apart but i still dont like the way there mother treats them.if you ask me i think divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a couple.does anybody know where a guy can get a job in kansas or missouri back child support biulds up fast i know im behind about 6,000 probably going to jail next month dont want to do that i have never been jail longer than 30 days that was before i got married 7 years or so agocan any one offer any advise thanks for your time

Forgive my bluntness, Ashley's Dad, but it seems rather inappropriate for you
to be airing all of your family problems in such a non-chalant way. If your
daughter has a mental disorder then you should worry less about who's genes
she got it from, and more about how to help her.

------------------------------------

Husband abuse is something that should be looked at as a serious offense.
It is just as potentially damaging as wife-abuse. Perhaps, if we'd remove some of the stigma surrounding this issue there'd be more men willing to come forward and admit it's happening in their homes.

My brother was (and still is to some degree) a victim of mental and verbal
abuse. He has since divorced the "culprit" but, they have a child together, so
he still has to deal with her and her emotional violence. It's a sad situation for
anyone (man or woman) to find themselves in.

hey i am sorry i was not trying to step on any ones toes but if you had been through a lot of the things i have maybe you could hold your tongue maybe not. i am sorry i was trying to find some where i could talk about these things to see if it was just me or if other people had the same issues to deal with .as far as my child be mentaly ill i have been on this com since i found out she has this problem try to find how a person gets.it my ex wife did even have the kindness to tell me herself found out from my uncle.if she cared at all she herself would have told me. i have a lot of pent up thoughts racing around in my head. like were does a person go wrong being a parent well the first thing was getting married but if i did not get married i would not have my daughter ashley theres a story behind that to but you would not care most people think it cool to smoke pot when there pregnant i myself think its stupid. but not going to go there right now used to go round and round with the ex and her brothers and sisters i was the one that was wrong cause drank a few beers after work oh bad daddy i dont think so.if pot was legal that would be the stupidist thing cause all the research they have done on it they still dont know what all it effects.

Ashleys Daddy, You are way off-topic, and as a part of the rules for this site, we require all posts to be constructive and on topic.

The topic of this thread is: Is female domestic abuse of men ignored?

The questions to be answered:

QUOTE

1 .Should there be more effort placed in cases of female on male abuse.
2. Should there be more effort placed in helping the victims thereof?
3. Isn't it pretty low to for them to make an anti-abuse compaign of Father's Day?

off the topic well as far as women beating there husbands i think they should be put through the exact same punishment that a man gets but that will never happen. because in the courts eyes women dont abuse men they see it the other way and thats the only way they see it. i personly believe its time for everyone to wakeup this is a problem that has always been there just no body had the guts to talk about it its high time for a wake up call. i hate violence of any kind i never laid a hand on my ex. i expected the same in return did i get it yea from the fist on her arm. i am concered that my kids will grow up and do the same thing i hope not but who knows. i hope i have instilled better behavior than that in there hearts and minds but again who knows.i just dont think its right for a woman to be able to completly ruin a mans life with out proof i have friends who have had false charges put against them they still are trying to get it all straitened out i think they should pass laws to make the judges and lawyers to shut there mouth and open there ears and listen abuse is abuse is abuse.it will keep on the way it is forever if changes are not made

For years men could get off an domestic abuse charges with the simple defense that he hadn't hit her THAT hard. Finally the laws were clarified and almost any level of violence, no matter how frequent or how much bodily damage it actually causes, is criminal. Also after much lobbying mental and emotional abuse became recognized legal infractions that can result in criminal, and more often civil penalties.

These laws and rulings were brought about to protect women, but they can't apply only to women. For both ethical as well as fourteenth amendment reasons. No state has the power to "deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

The threshold for what qualifies as abuse is almost nothing, at the behest of women's advocates. I agree with that on a practical level. But if you criminalize any and all violence in a relationship it HAS to apply to women equally.

It's a sad day when feminists are parroting the old boy's club justifications of the 1950's in order to slow the full implementation of a just law.

Why should we care? Because by its very nature it is a violent crime. Go take a poll of what percent of Americans want violent crime to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

What we have here is hypocrisy on the part of many women's advocates (though by no means all) propped up by a macho sense of denial by men who have never been victims. Slapping someone because he *** NOTICE: THIS WORD IS AGAINST THE RULES. FAILURE TO REMOVE IT WILL RESULT IN A STRIKE. *** you off is aggravated assault. Rape is Rape. Stealing is Stealing. Fraud is Fraud. No matter what the mitigating circumstances. So why the hell is assault any different?

yes there is abuse both by males and females. I would have to guess there is more abuse against women. Be that as it may, If a male is being abused, get the hell out of there. The same as women should. It will not get better. Never has. And it can and has resulted in a death. No one should be abused. No one should ever think maybe they deserved it. There are places you can go to. Get police involved. Get restraining orders. Have those who abuse charged and jailed.
You who have been abused, don't ever deserve that. Ashley's Dad, I take it she has custody of the child/children? Why? Get a lawyer to help you get custody of the children. If she abused you do you think she might be abusing the kids. Tell your lawyer all that you have here in this forum. Don't let your kids put in danger.

Momof3- unless she walks into the court drunk and naked, he doesn't stand a chance, and then he only has a small chance. Men are completely discriminated against in divorce court. There is absolutely no hope of justice. Even if he fights it, he will be financially devistated.

To awnser the question as simply as possible, no. In any situation of domestic violence, the abuser is taken directly into to custody no mater the situation or gender. Its the Law.

Political Ryan that statement makes such a large supposition that its irrelevant. Of course cops always arrest people when a charge is made like violence. If only for processing. The problem is most violence against men goes unreported. Heck US society is far more supportive of women who are abused, and they still don't report the abuser most of the time. So a man being a abused has to deal with both the emotional ties to his abuser and possibly the effects it'll have on his family, as well as mockery and castigation by a society that views any admission by a man of weakness in front of a woman as a sign of defect, if not an outright abdication of his very sexual identity. The unwritten assumption is that he should be a man and take it or just knock her on her ###. At which point there is a bevy of shelters and support agencies ready to hear her side of the story.

I don't mean that last part to be inflammatory. Abuse shelters are an absolute societal necessity. But they are set up to help women, not victims as a whole.

Gratuitous profanity removed - Jaime