I'm sure everyone's heard of the new Jim Carey movie "Bruce Almighty". If you haven't, the premise of the flick is that God goes on vacation and intrusts Jim's character with His divine powers. If you were god for a day, what would you do?

I would want to have all of human history and all of the great mysteries of the world revealed to me.

Yeah, that sounds good, check out all of human history and all the great mysteries. I'd do it quickly though, to make sure I'd have time left to create a universe...

Just a small one. I have a sci-fi roleplaying campaign using GURPS and/or Hero System. It's set around Star Trek: Next Generation tech level but with a cyberpunk/anime flavor. I'd make that a real universe, become my GM's avatar character, and retire... from being God that is.

I would do something entirely self-centered and juvenile.

Afterwards, I would solved all of the world's problems.

How? I don't know yet, I'm not omnipotent (yet).

-Robert

Every human being who ever lived would be transported into a private universe that would be perfect for that person, and granted eternal life and perfect health (unless, for some reason, that person does not desire either one of these things.) If a person can only be happy by raping and murdering others, that person will be free to rape and murder the others in this private universe (who will not be real people at all, but only perfect simulations.)

I would then try to figure out why I created people in the first place.

I'd like to have wings and fly like a bird!

Then I'd like all the atomic weapons on earth vaporized without a trace, and the formulas for building them disappear as well, and have the memories of these things erased from the minds of the people who know them.

Heck, once I'd given myself summer concert tickets for Rock for Toronto and the as-of-yet unconfirmed Rolling Stones (Plus U2, Rush and the Hip) I wouldn't need anything else.

Well maybe I'd do away with that mole on my neck.

I'd start with the Pope and work my way down.

I'd gather up every priest and spiritual leader loyal to me (by whatever name) and tell them the jig is up, no more speaking for me. I'd tell them to turn all of their money over to charity, and then have them make more money for more charities by selling the properties and artifacts they've built for themselves through the last couple millenia. If they want their reward to be in heaven, let them truly act accordingly.

After that I think I could maybe summon up the Holy Spirit, in the form of those tongues of flame, and have 'em systematically destroy all the religious symbols people have been wasting their time with. I don't care if they can spend five minutes of their day talking to a piece of wood or even a Sunday each week singing out of tune songs with their neighbor. I wanna see them live the life, not feel righteous for squeezing me between their vices.

Now, seeing as how I'm God, I don't imagine the Pope and spiritual leaders would take me more than a couple hours. Anybody who raises their hand or interrupts can go bust Satan's balls for all I care. And with the Holy Spirit running my errands on the symbolism, I've still got another 20 or so hours to work with...

Time to hijack the networks. I'll show the world some "must see TV"

First things first: I'm playing the role of a disappointed parent. Yeah, my kid said a lot of good things about love, but that shouldn't win him a popularity contest over Jerry Garcia by any means. I am glad people like him, and I'm proud he got everybody to stop howling at the moon and all the other nonsense they subscribed to for a while there, but he couldn't hold a candle to some of the truly great thinkers I put here. Besides, he wasn't that good of a kid. People read but three years of a grown man's life, naturally omitting puberty and his twenties, and they think he's a saint!

Yeah, so I've got their attention now. It's Monday and God's on the television. Suddenly that Rams game people stayed home for yesterday wasn't as good as they remember. Nobody had better change the channel; first person to even think about the remote is getting hit with eternal reruns of last year's Saturday Night Live.

Jesus thought he was hot stuff with that loaves and fishes trick, but giving it away didn't teach the hungry to fish. Enough with the parlor tricks, I'm going to feed their minds. I figure between omniscience and omnipotence I should be able to piece together a comprehensive program of worthwhile philosophy, a little skit to remind them that there's more to life than me, me, me or trying to find some ticket to heaven. I'm not saying brown nosing doesn't have its pluses, but when it's coming from some 4 billion people? Enough's enough.

Now, I'm sure some people won't care too much for my show. They may watch it to oblige me, but that doesn't mean they're going to invite Adam and Eve out of the alley to live in that extra bedroom nobody's stayed in since they bought the house 10 years ago. I won't force them to, either. But that's not to say I won't scare the bejeezus out of 'em just for good measure. I'll whip me up a few million wicked horses out of the oceans (I always liked those Greeks) and pay a bunch of honest carnies to ride through the streets acting like the four horsemen for a while. That should inspire some of the holdouts.

We're not rushing things, though, so our broadcast and our sideshow friends probably took up another 4 hours or so. That leaves us with about another 16 hours. Not too shabby.

What to do about some of these cults we have running around... after all, not all of them have cable so there's probably several thousand still running around castrating themselves, waiting for the "mothership" -- oh, and don't worry, we'll get to the X-File fans all in good time. Dealing with the cult fans right now, I think I'll put a universal sale on Jell-O, send a few comets orbiting the earth 'til I'm done and let the city workers sort 'em out for me.

It may take a couple hours to stir in all the poison and pass around the Dixies (cups), but setting the gears in motion probably won't take but 10 minutes of my day. We're flyin' here!

The truth isn't out there. It's right here. Yeah, the geeks had it right, there are other lifeforms. I'll drop a few tapes in the mail to satisfy the really obnoxious ones. Once they see how hideous the women are a few solar systems over they'll go back to their internet subscriptions and leave me alone. Twenty minu... scratch that, there's a lot of 'em. Better make it an hour.

AIDS. It's a title as catchy as the disease itself. But, as much as I do like good advertising, this little bug just has to go. Scientists still argue over whether or not a virus is a life form. It is. And man, oh man, should you see 'em cry when you rip apart it's RNA. Don't cry for them, though. Besides, I think we can all agree this one deserved it.

It turns out cancer serves somewhat of a purpose. Since it isn't always fatal it can really build character, and you should see some of the before and after stories of honest to goodness pricks. That being said, there have been some unfortunate casualties from this one. So, to rectify the situation I'll loan the docs a good recipe for curing it. The Angel of Death can handle finding the a--holes who do deserve it.

AIDS and cancer. Whew. These things aren't easy even when you are omnipotent. They probably took another good 5 hours of our time. By my calculation that leaves us with another 10 hours; gotta remember we lost that other one dealing with those seeking the anal probes.

Free love. I never said anything about marriage. Hell, Abraham pimped his own wife out and shagged a mistress right out in the open! I'm all about sex, but let's think before we hump, people. From now on condoms, pills and shots are 100% effective. To be honest the rhythm method ain't a bad way to go... most of you just wouldn't know rhythm if it sat on your face. You think all that other stuff was going to clear problems up? Wait 'til you see what guilt free sex does for the world.

Because there's so many of you, I figure the BC will probably take another hour. But I'll throw in another hour to provide women with easier orgasms. I'm an equal opportunity deity after all.

"You say you want a revolution?" Alright, you've got it. And in less than 24 hours no less. I think I'll spend the remaining 8 hours on a beautiful beach admiring the work of my predecessor for a while. Who knows, maybe before he gets back I'll call up a ghostwriter and dictate a brief biography of all the things I accomplished in but a single day. Boy... I can only imagine what I might have done with another six days...

Edited to add: I could probably spare an hour or so reworking the physics of all those nuclear weapons the world over, too. I'm thinking a really big fireworks show... maybe for my last hour on the beach. Sound good to you?

God for a day?



hmm.... Then I think I'd remove the gift of speech from one or two irritating world and religous leaders. Then I'd have a few earthquakes here and there... destroy a few annoying religous sites...

Then I'd appear before mankind... as a woman.

editted to add...

A fat, pregnant black skinned woman!!

If i was the big man for a day, i'd be busy with terrorists

I'd destroy all of Hamas' & Israel's weapons & make them sit and talk peace

I'd crush al-queda

I'd make sure saddam was dead

I'd come to Bush in a vison & tell him to stop the wars (probably drive him insane instead)

First off, I think I'd bestow the gift of telepathy in specific ways:

1. All registered voters would be able to read the minds of politicians and their advisors, so they'd all know why they REALLY wanted to do those things.
2. All shareholders, stockholders, customers and workers would be able to read the minds of the senior management and corporate PR people.
3. All Churchgoers to all the world's religions would be able to read MY mind, so they'd realise how much *** NOTICE: THIS WORD IS AGAINST THE RULES. FAILURE TO REMOVE IT WILL RESULT IN A STRIKE. *** the guys at the front were talking, and how much misinterpretation, misinformation, bigotry, stupidity and downright ignorance was written down in all of the various Holy Books ghostwritten about me by someone else (i.e. all of them).
4. All law enforcement officers and jurors would be able to read the minds of suspects and their victims/accusers in all court cases. No more need for lawyers at all, and the judge is only there for sentencing. No need for prison, either, as everyone would be able to tell who the bad guys are and simply avoid them.

Then I'd, swap the populations of the developed and developing world for one week (the magic spell or divine command or whatever would take it's own course, so everyone would pop back spontaneously without me having to be around to enact it, as I only have one day).

Umm, then I'd take all of the calories out of ice cream, chocolate, cakes and fast food, and put them in lettuce, celery and museli (granola?). Or maybe just make all the good healthy stuff taste like ice cream, chocolate, cakes, etc.

I'd alter human brain chemistry so that only ethanol, and perhaps cannabis, produced any euphoria, to the same degree they do now, but nothing produced any addictive effects. Heroin, cocaine and all the other psychoactives would have as much effect on the brain as chalkdust. (Medical anaesthetics, anti-depressants, and anti-psychotics would still work, but without any addictive aspects.)

I'd change the laws of physics so that Star-Trek style faster-than light travel really is possible, and make sure that a scientist working somewhere unobtrusive - say, Namibia or Nigeria - is the one to discover and exploit it, not one of the rich countries that already hog too much of the world's attention and resources. It'd be kind of fitting if an African led the next big human migration, after being left behind after the last lot (when what would become the rest of the world left Africa millennia ago).

Then I'd settle down in Wales for the rest of my time in the cosmic hotseat, and make sure everyone new that IT was really God's country, settling centuries of arguments

God for a day? This one's simple. You just have to look at it through God's eyes.

Being God, all powerful, I would first extend my reign as God from one day to eternity. Who could stop me, being God and all?

Second, I would probably do something to prove I existed, and that I created the world. I mean, come on, if God is all powerful he could easily come up with some sort of a stunt to prove he's real.

Lastly, I'd do whatever I wanted until the end of time . If you have a problem with that, then you are clearly going to hell.

Mike

Everyone who has replied to this thread is looking at it through human eyes and limitations. And who can blame you, we are all only human (that is not an excuse it's a fact).
You cannot be God and be bound by anything. You would not experience time and if you where made God, the first thing you would do would be to annihilate everything except yourself and only then could the universe be perfect. The problem lies in the idea that anything finite must have limitations and therefore with intelligience comes a desire to over throw those limitations. However being infinite you have no limitations therefore no desire for more (something humans will only ever have when in the presence of God, what more can a man want than infinitum).

So if not limited by time or anything else for that matter 24 hours would easily be enough 'time' to rid the universe of disobedience and return it to just yourself where you would remain content for the rest of eternity (or what ever there is without time)

If i was made God for a day, it would have to be without human desire or I would destroy myself as well.

Power corrupts, right, so infinite power is infinitely corrupt (so unless you are perfect, you can never be God) so I guess we all just carry on with our limited little lives.

Zebbeddee,

this is a light hearted topic based on a Jim Carey movie, which obviously was a COMEDY. My whole intention was for people to post they're craziest ideas if they want. It's supposed to be FUN!

here, here! I would do the same.

I would eliminate all ignorance, as well as arrogance.

I would then give everyone an IQ so it couldn't be measured. along with that a perfect memory for all.

I would remove self centeredness, and make everyone care for each other as they cared for themselves, and make it part of basic human nature. (ie everyone a little c communist from birth) I would give all people tolerance as well.

I would instill upon all man the true history of humans as well.

for potheads I would create the never ending bowl. even when you burn it, it remains green.

I would remove the desire to do harmful drugs, such as heroin and cocaine. I would make mans psyche much more tough so as to resist flipping out on hallucinogens.

I would destroy all enviromentally harmul industries/industrial practrice(ie clear cut logging).

I would inspire the ideas that would lead to hyperlight travel. with this I would also give to people full knowledge of the universe. I would remove all hostility from alien races as well so as to avoid interstellar wars.

I would do much more as well, this is just what I can think of off the top of my head.

O.K. in the name of light hearted jest.
I would first think for a while, but not very long (being infinite), and come up with a hundred thousand million billion zillion etc things that it would be really cool to say that you had done like you had drunk the pacific ocean or eaten a star and if that didn't take up all my time I would speed the earths rotation up slowly so that a day was only 10 hours, and hour had 100 minutes and a minute was 100 seconds, that way when you lose your power you could get everyone to use a metric time system and they wouldn't get confused with conversions (conversions drive me potty, just thought I'd let you know).

And if I still had time I would eat ...... eat everything under the sun (especially pie) and not under it just to see really what my favourite food is. (And i would come back still saying it was Lasagne).

LOL... If i was the man upstairs i would first stop polliution and world hunger. I would then call all my people home and allow armageddon come to the brink. However i wouldnt destroy the world but i would make people repent for me to get more people then at the end of the 7 years of that i would destroy the world and create a new one

Too much "Left Behind" Jubes?