How would you market a religion to someone who either already has a religion or doesn't have any?

For example: Join our religion to attain eternal life! Not only that, but avoid eternal damnation!

Which of course could be countered with: How can I get eternal damnation if I don't have eternal life already? Besides, my present religion gives me the life without the damnation.

And yes, I am trying to be a smartass with this whole idea.

Use the four P's - product, placement, price, and promotion.

Product = Church of England
Placement = Churches. In England.
Price = time every Sunday; nominal donations; occasional participation in jumble sales; occasionally giving tea and biscuits (cookies) to the vicar
Promotion = dull boards outside churches with "Jesus Saves" in unfeasibly elongated typefaces; er, that's it.

Result? Fast-declining congregations and ever-more-desperate attempts to be newsworthy and relevant (e.g. appointing gay bishops). The C of E fails to realise that the most remarkable thing is not that the proposed Bishop of Reading is gay, but that modern intelligent people think the C of E is at all relevant to anything.

(Sorry if that was too parochial - the 4 P's idea might give some thread mileage, though.)

I must say that 72 virgins awaiting you in heaven bit is pretty tempting... I'm surprised more Americans aren't converting!

If cherries aren't your bag though, I can't say Pascal's Wager is too terrible a way to go.

You could probably get a good group of followers going before anybody really picked out the flaws in it.

Product -- Wicca.

Placement -- Anywhere from the privacy of your own home to public gathering places (e.g. Stonehenge.)

Price -- Varies from nearly zero, for the most "spiritual" members, to expensive, for those who wish to dress the part and collect all the paraphernalia.

Promotion -- Funky boutiques in downtown areas of major cities; hip television series about teenage witches; tourist areas in Salem, Massachusetts.

Strategy -- Appeal to young, sophisticated consumers by pointing out the advantages over more traditional faiths, such as more comfortable clothing and a user-friendly ethical system. Appeal to feminists and environmentalists, as well as cat owners. Good opportunity for merchandising tie-ins: wands, cloaks, crystals, etc.

Product - None...or Atheism if you prefer

Placement - Everywhere and nowhere

Price - 100% Free

Promotion - Common Sense

Product -- Church of the Subgenius

Placement -- The couch. Coffee houses. Sci-fi conventions. The local kegger. Anywhere, but work!

Price -- As little as possible, but definitely need to have enough money for the sacred right of beer.

Promotion -- The television, of course. Strategically placed ads in the back of High Times, Fangoria, and porno mags. Distributed Leaflets at bohemian coffee houses. Subliminal messages in video games.

Slackers unite!

I've found religion!

Thank you, Cyan! I'd thank you with gifts of some sort but since I'm quitting my job to be a bigger, better slacker it's probably best if I hold on to what little I have left...

So I need a product. What would it be? What do people want more than anything?

How about a feeling of smug superiority over others?

Yeah, so my product has to provide this.

All right, so what else? Maybe membership in the club? Oh yeah, people love this feeling. So to make it even more enticing, design the product so that people can be banned from the club! Yep, that harkens back to ancient tribalism archetypical memories.

Another thing people enjoy in a self-flailing manner is guilt. Make everyone wallow in guilt. This has a tendency to open up purses and pokes, too.

What a perfect product! Now I need a sales force of River City hustlers. Eh, they're all over the place, not much of a problem here. Cut them in for a good portion of the action, and there you go.

Ultimately, use the smug superiority and guilt to force politicians into the product. Advertising costs go way down as tax-exempt status is bestowed. Actually, just become the government! Shoot, then tax those in the product and out of the product equally--forced support!

Perfect--hardly any production costs other than creative writing and hawking, and eventually no hawking costs at all as people, motivated by smug superiority and guilt, push the product for free.

But wait, why would anyone believe in the creative writing? Oh, hey, use ancient texts! Shoot, I can even make up some elaborate myth about finding lost ancient texts! How about the lost ancient texts of Atlantis? Yeah, while searching for treasure off the Spanish coast, came across these scrolls made of GOLD written, conveniently, in modern English! Boy, those ancient scribes sure were smart. They probably had a time machine to see that I'd find these scrolls, and so took English as a second language course at the local community college.

There. Now I'm ready to start my little business.