Hi all. I have been reading quite a bit so far and have begun to get some first impressions about people. It got me to wondering about what other people's first impression of me would be and how my time here would progress based on them.

It seems to me that people usually gather vague impressions about others, process that information then go on to treat that person based on our own internal dialogue, even if they do not have all of the facts.

For instance, if I were to reveal to you that my religious beliefs were of the Fundamental Baptist persuasion, would you automatically form a pre-conceived idea of who I am as a person and would that idea dictate how I will be treated by you?

So my question: How much do first impressions affect the way we treat people?

I definitely lump people into groups and change my behavior toward them accordingly when they are acquaintances. As I get to know people better it allows me to have a more individualized conception of the person. Right now you are person who has chosen a cool guitar playing cat and made me wonder if you are a fundamental baptist. You also have chosen the name valley (instead of Valley, or The Valley)

I know of no other way to do this. In terms of Americas debate I tend to try to challenge the beliefs of people who declare themselves libertarian or conservative because we are more prone to engage in debate.

People who portray themselves as very conservative I treat warily because I worry that any type of constructive debate will occur. I like seeing like-minded people but I don't seek to engage them in debate because as someone (Hugo I believe) pointed out nothing kills a debate like total agreement.

As I have come to recognize the opinions and debating styles of frequent posters, the generalization I have about them are replaced by clearly stated opinions and philosophies (or by the refusal to consent to said opinions or philosophies)

Welcome to AD valley. Hope your stay is a pleasant one. We're having a forum chat tonight, hope to see you there.

Yes, I do think first impressions tend to steer our attitudes toward a person one way or the other. But I also think it is unfortunate.

There will always be exceptions to the rules. No one fits 100% into a political or religious mold.

I admit I tend to have an opinion of a person using my first impression of him/her. But the more I get to know the person, the more my thoughts of that person change.

--cheers

Hi Eeyore I can assure that that I wont be engaging in too many political discussions. My political views are secondary in what is relevant to me and I wont pretend to have a proper grasp of all that it entails. I made my choice due to what little knowledge I have in that area but I am always willing to change my mind if someone can show me a better way But then again...I have been accused of being as far to the right as one can get, lol. Not true!

The 'Social Issues' and 'Everything Else' forums are what have caught my eye and that is where I will spend the bulk of my time here.

Hi DP. Thanks for the invite. What goes on in the chat? Is is debate or does everyone just goof off and have fun?



I can agree with that wholeheartedly. Thanks.

If this thread is going to be casual, which is OK, I'm moving it to the Casual Conversation forum. Otherwise, we should try and debate 'first impressions.'

FYI - info on the forum chats can be found here: New Chat Room and Live Chat Schedule

No debating in the chat room, please!

First impressions are very important. You look at someone's profile and it colors your perception of their posts.

Granted, the more you are around someone, the less that the first impression makes a difference. However, a bad first impression may mean the person never has a second impression.

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression." - Catchy ad slogan

Welcome to the site, valley.

I believe that first impressions, (for debate forums) are fairly accurate representations of the posters' true personas. Appearances can be misleading, but opinions and communication styles speak volumes.

Welcome, valley!

In some ways, it might be better to have no political inclinations or parties listed, allowing people to have a less jaundiced first impression. In real life, unless we meet through some political action, our first impressions are generally based more on external clues than on bluntly stated political leanings.

Over time, there have certainly been many conservative members of AD whom I have come to feel a respect for, and in whatever abstract cyber way, a communion with. We can disagree all over the forum, and yet have a mutual respect and liking.

Also, many people type so differently from the way they speak. Our first impressions here are purely cerebral. I don't tend to write in a very jocular manner, but in real life, I am one of those constant "class clown" guys - I'm always joking around, and I have an extremely dry wit. My wife calls me the "master of the deadpan." That stuff doesn't really come across when typing about politics, etc. It's hard to effectively convey deadpan humour in a text-only debate site (Hugo, some smilies, maybe?).



Unfortunately, I would. It would not dictate how I would treat you in person, but on a forum dedicated to critical thinking and reason I would be more critical of whatever reasoning you laid out for your beliefs. As for the impression, yeah. Telling me you are a fundamentalist So. Baptist would give me an impression that you are probably not going to be very open-minded. But, I would be willing to be proven wrong!

We can't help making first impressions. The key to growth and humanity is to be able to transcend those impressions as further data presents itself.

I think I do a pretty good job of not allowing first impressions to sink in too deeply. A persons political party and philosophy gives me an idea of what his political party and philosophy are; that is about it. I have met great people and total jerks on every end of the political spectrum.

I always hated them smilies since they first came out when I was in highschool.

understood....but who said anything about southern baptists?

As for the casual manner Jaime.....sorry. I am used to getting to know the people I debate on a personal level. It helps me to understand where they are coming from so I tend to wander a bit. I'll try to pay more attention to how "casual" I am getting. Just keep reminding me about it if you see it. It will be difficult to change my style but I will try to stay focused on the issue.

Thanks for the welcomes from everyone

Welcome, valley!

I do form "first impression" opinions - I think we all do to a certain extent - but I try to leave them open to modification. Oddly, perhaps, on discussion boards such as this, I tend to go more by a person's choice of avatar than by their choice of "Politics" or "Party" in forming an immediate first impression - and often don't even read those little profile things next to each post at all (and don't long remember them when I do). My firmer impressions are usually formed by a contributor's first few postings than by their declared affiliations. If their opinions are fairly strong, I form a stronger impression. I try not to make many assumptions on the basis of demographic-type information (gender, race, religion, age, party affiliation, etc.) - life is full of surprises - but do feel that a person's opinions (and their posting style) - are a reasonable indicator.

Valley, my first impression of you was that you are a person with a playful nature, and I derived that from your guitar-playing kitty avatar. Your photograph leads me to believe that you are a kind person because of the softness of your smile, and when you tell me that you are of a Fundamental Baptist persuasion, my first instinct is to tread lightly, because I am atheist, and within my life experiences Fundamental Baptists have been closed-minded, particularly towards me, because I tend to be a bit a bit unconventional in my views.

Even though I have formed these impressions, which I think is quite natural, I am always aware that they could be far from the truth, so I try not to let them colour my opinions.

The one thing that effects my impressions the most on a forum like this is a person's style of writing. If a person responds in a brash manner, I often tend to think of them negatively even if I agree with what they are saying, while a person who holds a completely different view from myself but debates civilly, I think of positively. I play well with conservatives even though my leaning tends to be liberal on many issues.

The first impressions you get on bulletin boards are, IMO, much more accurate than a first impression you might get of someone in person.

Why?

In person there are SO many other variables to take into account. Someone might SAY one thing but non-verbal cues make you believe another. In person, there is probably a lot less "abrasiveness" when someone has a differing opinion. I think one's "true character" more often than not, comes out in forums such as this.

I pay attention to the way people respond to others...that's my first "clue" in making my first impressions. For example, somone who is abrasive and rude will not get the same respect from me as someone who is kind and courteous. Granted, you can "earn" my respect over time, but you definitely start off "at the bottom".

As wrong and "snooty" as it may sound, the way in which a person writes is also one of the ways I make first impressions. I frequent a parenting bb and one of the forums there is a debate board (very casual)...most of the people there can barely form intelligible sentences, so it's rather hard for me to carry on a "conversation" or "debate" with them (as an example).

I try not to look at party affiliation here for fear of it clouding my judgment unnecessarily. As someone else said (Wertz I think???) I tend to look at avatars for a sense of personality. Your kitty avatar, for example, makes me think of you as fun-loving.

One of my problems, as I see it anyway, is that I think people tend to think I am a know-it-all (or want to be) because I make huge posts and use big words. That's just how I talk (believe it or not) when I'm talking about "serious" topics (such as those here). I am sure people have already formed first impressions of me, whether they be good or bad or accurate, but I think it's just a matter of fact/life. Judging is natural (to an extent) and sometimes our initial judgments/impressions prove to be very useful (getting "bad vibes" from people - I seem to have a good feel for people and if I get a "bad vibe" from a person it is usually with good reason as I later find out!).

Hi cyan. I can assure you that I have Atheists friends who have no trouble with me personally. But then again....I have met Atheists who are less than kind to me based on what I believe so the narrow-mindedness goes both ways when people are less than tolerant of each other I am a fundamentalist but it doesnt stop me from trying to cultivate friendships. My world is not so narrow that I can only relate to "my own kind". Yes, I stand by my convictions and argue the issues but I respect other people's right to argue their beliefs too.

Oh yes, atheists can be just as narrow-minded. That's why it's so important to not let first impressions colour future dealings with people.

First impressions can give some indication of a person's personality
and disposition, especially in person. But, I never take first
impressions very seriously, because it has been my experience
that they are not a good gauge in determining the true nature of a person.

When I met my best friend, back in the fourth grade, she gave
a very bad first impression. We ended up becoming steadfast,
true friends, and to this day we are like sisters. I never would
have thought that it would turn out that way, based on my first
impression of her.

As far as first impressions here at AD, I also do not give
them too much credence. People tend to over-exaggerate their
positions, at times, and may come across very harshly, when in
fact, they are not so rigid in real life.

I like to go with the flow, and pay very little attention
to first impressions.

I think first impressions are everything. Especially in a job interview.

I've never been a fan of suits and "nice/formal" clothes. I like my street clothes. I wore my street clothes to my grandparents' 50th anniversary party and everyone was formal but me. I didn't care of course but i got a few "comments" about my attire: short sleeve shirt (Cubs shirt), Shorts, white socks and Nike sneakers.

If the situation requires formal stuff to the extreme, fine. I'll suffer and hate it.

I think first impressions are important, but everybody likes to get a second chance if the first impression was a lousy one.

I'm curious--if you could see obesity, anorexia nervosa, bad acne, or patchy baldness somehow in these posts, how many of you, honestly, would not be put off?

First impressions are not everything. Many people, however, rely on them too much. When people judge others on merely their first impression they miss out on a lot of that person. You can not completely know and understand a person from meeting them only once.
I think it is important for people to give others more than one chance. You may even end up becoming best friends with a person you never would have in the first place; if you hadn't given them another chance. How many times have you wanted one more chance when you made a mistake. Give other people what you would want them to do to you. If you go on the impression you got the first time you met someone it may not be the way they always are. You may of just caught them on a bad day. They may be very enjoyable the next day. We all have bad days. So the next time you meet somebody you don't like, go and talk to them another time. You may just make a new friend. Then you can feel confidant you made this world a little nicer to live in.


JOB

It takes a measure of maturity to see past a poor first or even second impression.

What we see here on the forum is the grammar, syntax and spelling that each poster uses to convey a thought. Sometimes it is difficult to figure out what the person is trying to say if these three things show glaring errors, and we do form opinions (if unspoken) from these impressions. But it really is worth it to try anyway.

One of the posters here writes in a stream of consciousness style that has a lot of mistakes. But this same poster has a lot of good insights to share. (This person is also showing steady progress!)

I personally have trouble keeping disparate points out of the same paragraph. That's why you'll rarely see a post of mine that hasn't been edited. But I'm trying...

I'm reminded of something I read in Oscar Wilde's A Picture of Dorian Gray;

To paraphrase; "The only people who do not judge by appearances are superficial people."

In a way it's true. We judge by appearances on a fairly common basis, being, as it is, one of the few ways we form an opinion on a newly met person. On this board, if I see a person with "America" in their username, or an American flag on their avatar pic, my initial judgement is, "conservative and pro-war", rightly or wrongly. And how many people judge another's post by grammar and spelling - on structure instead of content? I do. I barely read a paragraph if it's not set out correctly.*

In real life, if I see someone, say, dressed badly and wearing no shoes, I steer clear of them. Same goes for people who are heavily tattooed. I might get to know those sorts of people, but the first impression lasts, and takes a little time to fade.

*edit: Paladin Elspeth took the words from under my fingertips