This isn't about a haunted house. It's about haunted candy. That's right, haunted
candy.
I buy three or four bags of candy for Halloween. I warn Himself to keep his paws
out of it and I put it way up in the very top shelf of my cupboard. I tell myself to
forget all about it. But, the darn candy is haunted. It calls out to me all day
long. Just eat a few pieces... no one will ever know, it says. I can't get away from
it...the whole house is filled with the sound of that haunted candy.
The haunting is much worse at night. I can't go to sleep because those little
Butterfingers are bumping in the cupboard. I hear them taunting me with sounds like
CRISPETY, CRUNCHETY, PEANUT-BUTTERY FUN SIZE UMMMM, and
then the Almond Joys join in... COCONUT AND ALMONDS COVERED WITH
MILK CHOCOLATE, COME GET US....NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!
I give in...,well, what do you expect? I can't take it any more. I run to the kitchen,
grab a stool climb onto the counter and get the bags from the top shelf and tear them
open. I stuff a couple in my mouth, paper and all. I'm sitting on the stool reading the
nutrition facts, 100 calories and 4 fat grams per little tiny bar, but that does not stop
me.
Himself comes stumbling into the kitchen, mumbling, "What the he$$ is going on?"
"It's HAUNTED, THIS CANDY IS HAUNTED, IT GOT ME OUT OF BED." I
tell him to have some and since he has been doing what I tell him for over fifty years,
we both sit there in the kitchen, in the middle of the night eating haunted candy.
Now, I have to buy more candy for all the little ghosts and goblins who will be
around on Halloween. The plan is to race to the grocery store at the first sighting of a
trick or treater on Halloween night, not a second before. The rest of the strategy is to
stand outside and pass out the candy. I will not bring any more Halloween candy into
my house. I know it's haunted! Has this happened to anyone else?