One of the strongest male figures in my life was my grandpa.
He always had his emotions in check, and I never saw
him cry, until my granmother's funeral. Half-way through
the funeral service he began to sob, uncontrollably.
It left a mark on me, because I had never seen him express
his emotions in such a way. I saw him in a different light on
that day.

My question is two-fold:


Is it appropriate for men to cry in front of others?

(If you are a man) Would you feel comfortable enough
to express your emotions in such a way?

I certainly feel that it is appropriate, and probably far healthier than bottling up your emotions. The stoic attitude of the action movie hero is not a natural reaction.
It's hard. Our society frowns on any display of emotion from men that isn't related to football , yet emotions are part of the human condition.

1. Absolutely. Or, I believe it should be appropriate, but current Western society seems to think there's something too effete in the act. It's healthy to let loose emotions every now and then.

2. I am a man, and I have cried profusely at times. But then... most of the people who really know me seem to think I'm the gayest straight man ever. I cry at the end of some books (I defy anyone not to cry at the end of Les Miserables and I almost cried at the end of Tess of the d'Urbervilles) and on some movies.

Absolutely.



Well, this is harder to answer. I certainly feel one shouldn't be ashamed about it (in fact, doing so I think shows strength of character, not the opposite). Yet, if tears start welling up, I feel compelled to try and stop them. So, obviously, I'm not as comfortable doing so as I would like. I will say that many of the happiest and seemingly most well-rounded men I can think of all wear their emotions on their sleeve.

If it is unacceptable to the man himself to shed tears in front of others, then it is unacceptable.

I like to see the tender side of a man, but not all the time any more than I would like to see a woman who bawls her eyes out every time somebody looks at her in a less than desirable way. Gender shouldn't matter. Personally I'd rather see sensitivity in the form of tenderness than the "sensitivity" expressed by punching out someone else's lights because he said something insensitive.

The appropriateness of the situation should determine the expression of tears rather than an outdated gender/cultural stereotype.

Is it appropriate for men to cry in front of others?

Of course it's appropriate. Personally, I have more compassion and quite honestly respect for a man who can express his emotions. I'm with Paladin in that I don't care for cry babies no matter the gender, but I also can't connect with people who can't express their feelings.

Is it appropriate for men to cry in front of others?

It depends on te circumstances of course, but for 95% of the time, I'd say that the truth was the best solution, and refusing to show one's emotions is almost like lying.


(If you are a man) Would you feel comfortable enough
to express your emotions in such a way?

Yes, and I do, frequently. I cry when I am moved more than when I am sad, except when I think of my friend who has died. Then the loss makes me cry without relent.

Other wise I cry when I hear beautiful music, the fourth movement of Beethovens 9th in particular touches my heart.
Watching a shuttle launch, or pondering on the people who died fighting on my behalf in the wars that raged across Europe.

There are lots of instances, and I don't see why I should pretend not to feel anything when I experience them. Perhaps its a sign of weakness, but so what? I'm very weak, and one day I'll die.

But I'm also strong, because I'm not dead yet!

editted to add;

Pondering on Beladonna's post, it occurs to me that I hardly ever cry for myself. I can only recall one single instance where I cried because life over powered me...

The odd thing is that I doubt most of those who know me would actually be aware that I cry so frequently...

Perhaps this is the case with many other men as well?

Is it appropriate for men to cry in front of others?

If it's an appropriate resonse to the situation. Profuse, frequent crying is unbecoming for anyone, at least IMO. I can't stand a whiner, and I've actually known men who cried at the drop of a hat. I'll be perfectly honest and say those individuals disgusted me. I'm also disgusted by those types of women. There are appropriate and inappropriate times to cry... There are even times when it's almost inappropriate NOT to cry.

The 'Lord of the Rings' movies would be much different if the heroes (and heroines) wept throughout.

One of my great failings as a human being is my tendency to repress my emotions to an unhealthy degree. At most, I get a little misty-eyed on rare occasions. This comes from a lifetime of pathological shyness and introversion, and may perhaps be as much genetic as anything else.

Should men cry? Sure, just as much as women, at appropriate times. It has mental and physical health benefts.

Great Subject Doomed! Thanks for the invite.

I tend to look at this not so much as being "appropriate" or not, that I would think would have to do more with the Family structure then not,

I guess I, as a male, would find it tough to cry in public, more because of my upbringing then any Societal pressure.

Case in point. When my Parents died, I did cry some after the initial phone calls, but then I remembered what both my parents said to me when they knew they were close to the ends of their lives:

When I die I don't want tears for me. Remember that our entire lives have been spent working toward one goal, that is to at last be at peace with our God. Be happy when we reach our goal. That day will be the greatest day, not the saddest.

Anyway, they taught me that, through the toughest of times to look at the whole picture, and not to pay too much attention to the "moments".

I don't like crying in public like at funerals. The delayed reaction does happen though, and I get misty for sad/happy stories in any form. Funerals just turn me cold. I don't like them. New Orleans has the right idea--dirge going to the gravesite, then upbeat coming from.

There's a huge difference between expressing emotions of empathy versus those of self-sorrow.

Saw a survey somewhere about what man type was more likely to cry at a sad/happy movie. Seems that the tough motorcycle types are most likely to do this. Crusty marshmallows!

Guilty.

Oh, and then there are the tears associated with certain kinds of music. Some lyrics I just can't sing without choking. Hearing the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful bring tears when done well.

But the other emotions can be hard to express, too. I think men in most cultures are trained early on to not express emotions other than anger, rage, and some forms of admiration. Don't know if this is right or wrong, just that it is.

It seems that men in all walks of life are taught to
keep their emotions "in check".

About 6 1/2 years ago my husband's mother unexpectedly died.
He was at work when he got the phone call. He opted to finish
out the day at work, and when he got home that night he didn't
shed a tear, yet I could see the inner pain.

He has never outwardly expressed his sadness over that loss.

I agree that sometimes the appropriate thing to do is TO cry.
But, each man has his own way of dealing with his emotions.

I absolutely think men should be able to cry in public as much as women. My ex never cried at anything. He was his grandmother's favorite and when she passed he didn't shed a tear.
I think it shows to me that a man has as much compassion as a woman.
I also do not like people that cry at a drop of a hat.
But I think people be it a man or woman should be able to cry not just at sad times.
If something moves you enough being a sad time or a happy time go with your emotions.
You will feel a lot better and probably be a better person for it.

I completely agree. I think it shows a man's strength to let out
his emotions, especially in front of others. After all, men are
human too, or so I'm told.

Yes and yes, with the provisos already given regarding appropriate circumstances.

I laugh when I'm happy, except when it would be inappropriate to do so. Similarly, I cry when I'm sad, subject to circumstances. For example, I wouldn't cry while walking down the street in broad daylight. I stopped doing things like that once I passed the age of, ooh, seven?

Personally I don't think a man should cry in public, and maybe deny it when he does it in private. I'm probably that way because I have been very independent since I was 16. Usually I had other people depending on me so I had to handle everything. Crying never accomplished anything, and to relieve stress I find working out at least makes you feel better about yourself. I will admit though that I did cry once when I left Texas, but it had more to do with being afraid of going to someplace new with only the clothes on my back and no one too help me if I failed. As things unfolded I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me and returned to Texas months later many times the man then when I left.

I don't think it has anything to do with keeping emotions in check but more of crying won't help anything. We still have our emotions even though we don't show them.

There are cultures where it is quite common to see men cry. Just don't make the mistake of interpreting it as a sign of weakness. A crime of passion is called that because it is the violent venting of strong emotion.

This is actually a fairly old question. Clark Gable worried about what male audiences would think when his character, Rhett Butler, was seen shedding a tear in Gone With the Wind. To my knowledge, nobody ever called him or his character a sissy.

why chouldn't men cry if need to. it's healthier than keeping emotions pent up. throughout my life I have seen tears from men it has never made me think less of them.

Men can cry, only every now and again. I cried on 11 September 2001. I cry when people around me die. I cry when I hear about children being hurt or starved, I cried at the Lion King (mostly because of when my dad died).

However it should be noted that I didn't do it in public (save 9/11) and I could have held back if I wanted to.

It is important that men don't cry at trivial things or when immediate action must be taken.

I'll now relate a story of a man who cried for reasons that might make anyone cry, but nontheless it was innaprpriate at the time.

In October as a friend of mine was driving down the Sunset Strip in Hollywood he was cut off by another driver. He honked his horn and the other driver shot back at him twice causing him to take evasive action and throw the car into the lane closest to his right. In doing so he rear-ended another driver. As he got out of the car, fear welling up in him and the uncertainty of whether or not he'd been shot and if eveybody in the car he rear-ended was okay, plus the fear that the gun toting lunatic might come back, he choked down his fear and began to *** NOTICE: THIS WORD IS AGAINST THE RULES. FAILURE TO REMOVE IT WILL RESULT IN A STRIKE. *** the damage to himself and the other vehicle. As he was doing this, the other driver got out crying. My friend asked several times, "Are you okay?" The man kept crying.

Now while everyone in both cars turned out to be okay, the women of the other car that had been rear-ended were terrified and hysterical and crying. Why? Because the man that they were with was also crying hysterically and so none of them would calm down.

Had the man taken action and charge, things would've been a lot different and easier for my friend tostart assesing wounds and perhaps using some his nursing skills to help anybody.

Remain calm and level headed in emergencies. Never cry!

I didn't cry. I used that grief I was experiencing and went down and cleaned it up, because luckily I work in public services. But I completely agree about the man in the car. Crying, like yawning, it's contagious. When I was 6 my grandfather died and I didn't cry, until the end of the ceremony when they told me there were going to "burn" him. I bursted out into hysterical crying and soon thereafter all the women joined in because I simply didn't understand cremation.

When I was 16 (living in Florida), my parents took a trip to Vegas for a week, leaving me alone during that time. About 5 days into their vacation, our house was hit by a tornado. I was heading out the door to go to work, when I heard an odd sound, and instinct took over. I ran to my bedroom as the glass shattered, and dove under the bed. The tornado took parts of the roof off, and destroyed about half of the house.

I walked outside and assessed the damage, wondering how I was going to get in touch with my parents long-distance, and my VW bug had been thrown about a block away. It was traumatic, but I certainly didn't cry. The neighbor came out of his house blubbering at me inconsolably. It annoyed me. I agree it's best to remain level-headed in emergencies.

I can remember being deeply uneasy at seeing tears in my father's eyes when my grandfather died and people at church were sympathising with him. Of course, I was about fifteen and ones parents are always an embarrassment at that age. I thought Oh my God... He's going to cry!

For myself, I cried at the funeral of my baby son twenty years ago. It wasn't exactly in public since there were only my wife and I and the priest - thank God. I couldn't keep it back when the priest got onto talking about how Jesus called the little children to him - phew... Try it for yourself.. Oh and then carrying a tiny coffin to the grave and putting it into the ground was a bit of a tear jerker.... I'm sure you can allow me that one. But the experience was extremely cathartic. I felt MASSIVELY better afterwards and recovery was rapid. Probably more rapid than if it hadn't happened.

On a different level, I was a bit embarrassed to be observed and derided by my subsequent son's (three of them) when they observed me mopping moist eyes while watching that fantastic film with Clint Eastwood and Merrill Streep, 'The Bridges of Maddison County'. The end of that is SO sad. Such a tragic waste that he dies and they never made anything of a love that was obviously the biggest thing of their lives - the experience which would have given both of their lives some meaning. That has got to be my favourite film, if only for the pathos of it.

Is it appropriate for men to cry in front of others?

There is nothing wrong with a man expressing emotion, with the understanding that too much emotion tends to cause me (at least) to feel that the actor is beating their own chest to be the focus of attention. In this regard, gender is irrelevant.

I do agree that it should be viewed and acted on in context. While serving as a member of Uncle Sam's Canoe Club I was a Hospital Corpsman. There were many moments where crying was an acceptable response to a stressor, but the situation called for disregard to emotion in the accomplishment of a goal or task. The reply about the auto accident, and the results of the victim crying was spot on in this regard.

*Side note: I would offer my medic services to the cast-aways on the "Island of Lost Posters," but I'd still be in my cabin, going down with the ship, wondering why my internet connection dropped. My wife is a great cook tho, so that is better than nothing! Please escort her to the nearest liferaft. Thank you.

(If you are a man) Would you feel comfortable enough
to express your emotions in such a way?

I can't say I never have. When I do, I don't wonder if anyone feels any less of me for it. I do consciously try to not expose that side of myself to others.