From another thread:

I have heard this sentiment many times, and think it's debate worthy. I disagree entirely.... Assuming that we're speaking of legal adults here.

Divorce rates are higher than ever, and people are waiting longer than ever to get married. Second marriages are statistically more likely to fail, and usually don't last as long as the first ones. Obviously, this is after one failure when the previously married individual has the benefit of maturity and caution. I could find no links to parallel the age of marriage and compare it to marital longevity to back up my argument.

Is age at marriage related to happiness and marital longevity? Is there any evidence whatsoever that this is the case? Speaking as a person who married young, I believe those shared memories of creating a life together are very binding. People change throughout their lives, so waiting until one is closer to the end doesn't necessarily lead to stability of any kind. I believe suffering through the penniless days of blow-up mattresses and thrift store furniture prepared us for children, and all of the other storms that have passed our way, and will again. I believe the phrase,"I was too young" is the common bromide excuse for relationship failure, but it isn't necessarily the reality.

I think this is all sort of a personal opinion sort of debate (as I don't know about any specific studies/references addressign this), but I would think that it would be less an age factor and more a "how well do you know your potential spouse" and "how willing are you to live wtih their 'faults'" factor, which could also be indirectly related to age/maturity.

Given that, I would actually think it would be mostly related to the idea that "oh I can always get a divorce", which has certainly changed drastically over the past 30-40 years even. When I got married, I wanted to make SURE everything was understood and, save some sort of serious addiction, abuse, or serious criminal activity, divorce was simply not an option for me. I didn't take marriage lightly, but I think MANY people, probably most even, do today. It's easy to get a divorce and it's accepted by most to get a divorce.

I'm sure there are many instances where age of marriage is related to divorce rate...but I'd say there's probably some sort of prevailing factor (i.e. getting marries because of an unplanned pregnancy, getting married for financial benefits, etc.) that is more at the crux of the divorce than simply age.

I do not think age matters.

We as humans are selfish, and as time goes forward we tend to become more selfish it seems. I know i will probably never be as good a man as my grandfather was and still is.

Every year we as a nation and world(most likely) have increasing divorce rates. Personally I think it is coming from or society as a whole moving towards the ideal you have to do what is best for you. I have discussions about my marriage with friends and they know I am not completely happy, and many of them say, don't stay in it 'you have to do what is best for you'. Well, I find that selfish.

But I am being hypocritical. I stay in my marriage because of one thing, my son. I am being selfish because I know I could not go on without having my son with me everyday. So I am being selfish for myself in wanting to keep my son by my side throughout his childhood.

I believe people get divorced because they are selfish.

Whether it's selfishness that increases with age, or just that we get more "set in our ways," this could be a factor. People who live as single adults for 10 or 15 years become very set in their ways as a single person, and may have a harder time adjusting to marriage. People who marry young may be more likely to become "set in their ways" of being married.

As for happiness, children, and divorce: I think that if a marriage is truly unhappy, it is worse for the children than having divorced parents who are happy. Every life, and every marriage, is unique, and I don't think there are any hard rules. If the unhappiness is minor, or is merely part of one's personality, perhaps it is best to stay in the marriage. If, however, the unhappiness is deeply felt, and evident in one's relationship with one's children and/or spouse, I wonder if staying married is the best solution.

I got married at 21, and we had our first child 5 months later (um... don't do the math!). We just celebrated our 13th anniversary, we have 3 kids, and I couldn't imagine being happier. I realize that we are probably an exception. The one caveat for marrying young would probably getting married young because of pregnancy. Probably tends to not work out as often.

I do agree with you mostly, Sleeper. I think it is selfishness that has really helped increase the divorce rate.

I think that age at marriage is less relevant to divorce rates than general longevity. Allowing for social and legal acceptability of divorce, divorce rates seem to track the increase in longevity as closely as any other measure.

Where old age used to be comparatively rare, it is now more common - instead of expecting to live into our mid forties, we now see the average in the seventies or early eighties. So the average marriage now has to last twice or even three times as long to be "til death us do part".

Now that divorce is as easy an undertaking as marriage itself (i.e. not something that appeals to everyone and not something that happens on a whim very much, but an option that is open to all straight couples), two things are happening - more people are getting divorced, and more people are postponing marriage until later in life (I think the average age is now into the mid thirties, although this is skewed by divorced people remarrying).

We seem programmed somehow to sustain monogamous relationships for only a certain amount of time, in other words. While monogamy is our conscious goal, and certainly seems to have proven to be the best environment for child rearing (married or not), we constantly seem to test its boundaries. Recent research has shown that the traditional idea that men are unfaithful and women are not is flawed - women are just as likely to stray as men, underlined by clever biological tricks that they bodies can play to account for multiple sources of sperm, for example. (Sorry, no time to look for links just now.)

I believe age matters to a certain extent. I dated girls a bit before meeting my wife and I'm quite happy I did. For one, because it gave me some experience of what a relationship is supposed to be like. Second, because if I had married her too young, I would have had thoughts like "What's it like to be with another person?" and I believe it would have been like a poison seeping into our relationship.

I am feeling somewhere in the middle on this.

On the one hand, I do believe that it is possible to get married too young. I think it's important to have experiences as a single person in order to develop as a whole person and really learn who you are.

On the other hand, IMO if a person is single too long, they can get "set in their ways". It may be that you can become too much of a "whole" person and lose the ability to blend with another.

If I were advisor to the Universe, I'd recommend 27 - 30 as the ideal marriage age -- old enough to have had some time to learn who you are, young enough to (hopefully) not be too set in one's ways. Also leaves plenty of time for childbearing, if that is what is desired in the marriage.

I don't think it's age, but maturity that matters. There are way too many people who figure that if they get bored with marriage, they'll just get a divorce and marry someone else. The concept of 'till death do you part' has been lost for most people, it simply isn't important to remain with one partner for the rest of your life.

That's really unfortunate.

It is unfortunate when people who are young and immature
(because the two often go hand in hand) jump into marriage
without truly understanding what they are getting themselves
into.

Age is a factor, though obviously not the only factor.
Personality and compatibility are very important.

People get married too quickly many times. I lived with my husband
for over two years before we tied the knot. I knew all of his
habits and such before hand. Many couples get married before
they've co-habitated, and their illusions are shattered rather quickly
when the reality of day-to-day life sets in.

Some people tend to view marriage like anything else in our material
world - disposable.

I agree that age is a factor, especially when stress is added from living with parents or scraping just to get by, along with a child if the child was the determining factor. A child can be very weak glue to maintain a marriage.

It really takes an act of the will sometimes to remain in a marriage, especially when the expectation is to have a wonderfully romantic relationship "until death do us part." It becomes a real uphill struggle, especially for the person who has had the tendency to give up in other areas of life.

Maturity and the desire to see it work go hand in hand. Sometimes a person's best efforts cannot stop a divorce from happening.

In the cases of abuse or neglect, there are fewer reasons to remain committed. Anyone who is staying together for the sake of the kids has to be careful, as has been mentioned before, to examine what really is best for the children.

It helps when your mate is also your best friend. In this I am truly blessed.

Some interesting posts here.

I married young. I met my husband when I had just turned 17. We saw each other for 3 weeks after which he asked me to marry him. After living together for one year we married shortly after my 18th birthday.

We have had 3 children together and have been married now for 15 years.

The biggest thing I have seen besides money issues tearing couples apart is the day to day stuff after the newness and excitement wears off.

I think many get caught up un the notion that the passion is going to remain the same and when the trials of everyday life set in and changes take place they don't know how to accept them.

I think a huge part of it is what ideals you bring into the relationship and expect to be fulfilled. I see many people who are older still doing the old excited at first but then ready to move on when the thrill wanes. They are looking for something they often create in thier mind but in reality is unlikely to happen.

I have grown to truly enjoy knowing my partner, knowing what they like and don't like. Knowing that he has strengths that I may not posess and my having them that he may not. It just works. I'm comfortable, not a word many want to describe thier relationship. Desire and compliments still are there but on a different level.

I don't think it's age, I think it is accepting that changes will take place and being able to learn to enjoy that aspect of a relationship. We can rally for our partner to flourish and be there for them or we can resent the changes and try to bring them down.

I don't think it's age, I think it's people not ready for what's to come.

Age doesn't matter. America just needs to redefine the definition of love before we go off marrying people. So a better question is, what is the definition of love?