Full Version: The Irish Declare War On Saddam!
This joke was forwarded to me from myy sister lived in Saudi Arabia for 3 yrs...
From an Irish friend who lives in Saudi.
Subject: Irish declare war on Saddam!
The Irish War with Saddam
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein,t he war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million
since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the
Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
God Bless the Irish!
Madtown
From an Irish friend who lives in Saudi.
Subject: Irish declare war on Saddam!
The Irish War with Saddam
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein,t he war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million
since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's
ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the
Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
God Bless the Irish!
Madtown
MT.
I got this from an American buddy about a week ago.....laughed 'till my socks fell off
.
I got this one from an Irish mate I worked with some years ago.
Q. How do you blow up a car???
A. Shove a potatoe up its exhaust pipe and wait.
I just see this car, with the engine running, getting bigger and bigger like a baloon.
Always remembered it.......
Regards.......Alan
I got this from an American buddy about a week ago.....laughed 'till my socks fell off
.I got this one from an Irish mate I worked with some years ago.
Q. How do you blow up a car???
A. Shove a potatoe up its exhaust pipe and wait.
I just see this car, with the engine running, getting bigger and bigger like a baloon.
Always remembered it.......
Regards.......Alan
An oldie but goodie...
Osama Bin Laden, Mother Theresa & Uncle Sam all come upon a magic lantern @ the same time.
The genie says "Since all 3 of you have discovered me at once, each of you may have a single wish."
He turns to Mother Theresa and asks for her wish.
She naturally wishes for the end of hunger and begining of everlasting world peace.
The genie blinks, waves his mighty arm and says "It is so."
Next, anxious Osama exclaims "I WANT A GIANT WALL TO BE ERECTED AROUND THE ENIRE PERIMETER OF MY HOLY LAND! IT MUST BE IMPENETRABLE SO NO FILTHY INFADELS CAN PASS!"
"Oooo-kaay..." The genie blinks and waves an arm, "It is so."
The genie turns to Uncle Sam & asks "Your wish sir?"
An Army Engineer by trade, Uncle Sam was very curious about this wall.
"So how tall is it?"
"50,000 Feet" the genie replies.
"How wide"
"500 feet, 500 feet now what do you wish?"
Uncle Sam rubs his chin "There are no holes? It's completely solid?"
"YEEEES, what is your wish sir!" Booms the genie.
"Fill it with water."
Osama Bin Laden, Mother Theresa & Uncle Sam all come upon a magic lantern @ the same time.
The genie says "Since all 3 of you have discovered me at once, each of you may have a single wish."
He turns to Mother Theresa and asks for her wish.
She naturally wishes for the end of hunger and begining of everlasting world peace.
The genie blinks, waves his mighty arm and says "It is so."
Next, anxious Osama exclaims "I WANT A GIANT WALL TO BE ERECTED AROUND THE ENIRE PERIMETER OF MY HOLY LAND! IT MUST BE IMPENETRABLE SO NO FILTHY INFADELS CAN PASS!"
"Oooo-kaay..." The genie blinks and waves an arm, "It is so."
The genie turns to Uncle Sam & asks "Your wish sir?"
An Army Engineer by trade, Uncle Sam was very curious about this wall.
"So how tall is it?"
"50,000 Feet" the genie replies.
"How wide"
"500 feet, 500 feet now what do you wish?"
Uncle Sam rubs his chin "There are no holes? It's completely solid?"
"YEEEES, what is your wish sir!" Booms the genie.
"Fill it with water."
I heard that joke too, Roy. it shows brilliance, but would Uncle Sam really want that to happen? those arabs are so filled with hot air that they'll probably float.
Have you ever tried putting a potatoe in the exhaust pipe? It's hard finding the right size potatoe.
I like the irish joke, tho. however, it is kinda discriminative to irish. My teacher is irish and his Hot Irish Blood shows. But he aint an idiot. So not all Irish men are idiots. Plz dont make em out to be.
L. Zeved
Have you ever tried putting a potatoe in the exhaust pipe? It's hard finding the right size potatoe.
I like the irish joke, tho. however, it is kinda discriminative to irish. My teacher is irish and his Hot Irish Blood shows. But he aint an idiot. So not all Irish men are idiots. Plz dont make em out to be.
L. Zeved
QUOTE(Lord Zeved @ Dec 31 2002, 11:45 AM)
however, it is kinda discriminative to irish. My teacher is irish and his Hot Irish Blood shows. But he aint an idiot. So not all Irish men are idiots. Plz dont make em out to be.
Oh jeez.
Jokes wouldn't be funny if they didn't poke at someone.
Also...
QUOTE
those arabs are so filled with hot air they'll probably float.
isn't much better. I suppose it's more acceptable though, huh?
Ha, Madmax, you said what I was going to say regarding LZ's Arab/hot air comment. Thanks for saving me the trouble.
Since some of you are new, I should add that Madtown, the starter of this thread, is a proud Irish lady herself. She wouldn't dish it if she couldn't take it.
Since some of you are new, I should add that Madtown, the starter of this thread, is a proud Irish lady herself. She wouldn't dish it if she couldn't take it.
As an Irish-American (Dual citizen) who has lived roughly half of my life in the US and half in Ireland I must say I've grown very tired of these juvenile jokes (if you knew half of the history of our country you'd think more than twice about making a potato joke, my friend)
And while you might think it so hysterical that little Ireland would ever think to fight so powerful an enemy as Iraq be mindful that we managed to defeat the British Empire.
Might, my friends, doesn't always make right and some times a people defending their homeland can be crafty, persistent and ultimately victorious.
Bear this in mind as you consider the cakewalk it will be to invade and then occupy Iraq.......
The Iraqis may ne happy to be rid of Saddam but they will be much happier to get rid of the American invaders.....
And while you might think it so hysterical that little Ireland would ever think to fight so powerful an enemy as Iraq be mindful that we managed to defeat the British Empire.
Might, my friends, doesn't always make right and some times a people defending their homeland can be crafty, persistent and ultimately victorious.
Bear this in mind as you consider the cakewalk it will be to invade and then occupy Iraq.......
The Iraqis may ne happy to be rid of Saddam but they will be much happier to get rid of the American invaders.....
QUOTE
"The fools, the fools, they've left us our Fenian dead"
Well, I for one enjoyed the jokes. Thanks for the chuckles 
If we really get entirely PC - I think humor will die. OY
There are lots of folks with histories rife with sadness - It's a long list. And, they are the ones who usually tell the best jokes, even about themselves, 'cause that's how they survive.
Let's not kill humor in the name of PC.
If we really get entirely PC - I think humor will die. OY
There are lots of folks with histories rife with sadness - It's a long list. And, they are the ones who usually tell the best jokes, even about themselves, 'cause that's how they survive.
Let's not kill humor in the name of PC.
Padraig,
There is no one prouder of their Irish roots than I. I'm sorry that my joke offended you.
One of the biggest thrills of my life was visiting Ireland some years ago. I remember the trip well. My husband and I arrived in Chicago and were told to forget our trip and go back home because of an airline strike.
No way, says I. We have put a lot of effort into this trip....you get us there! And they did. Instead of arriving at the Shannon airport as planned, we flew to England and then to Belfast.
Before we were allowed to board, we were asked to enter a room to be searched. "What is this, Nazi Germany?" I asked before I felt a jab in the ribs from my husband.
When we arrived in Belfast there were tanks in the streets, barbed wire barricades and British solders with guns. We had instructions to board a train to Dublin as soon as possible, but there was no train out until evening. Fortunately, we met up with a kind Irishman who took care of us the whole day and helped us on our way to Dublin.
My daughter and son in law have recently returned from their second trip to Ireland and are already planning to rent a cottage on their next visit.
I apologize again for the joke.
O'Madtown
There is no one prouder of their Irish roots than I. I'm sorry that my joke offended you.
One of the biggest thrills of my life was visiting Ireland some years ago. I remember the trip well. My husband and I arrived in Chicago and were told to forget our trip and go back home because of an airline strike.
No way, says I. We have put a lot of effort into this trip....you get us there! And they did. Instead of arriving at the Shannon airport as planned, we flew to England and then to Belfast.
Before we were allowed to board, we were asked to enter a room to be searched. "What is this, Nazi Germany?" I asked before I felt a jab in the ribs from my husband.
When we arrived in Belfast there were tanks in the streets, barbed wire barricades and British solders with guns. We had instructions to board a train to Dublin as soon as possible, but there was no train out until evening. Fortunately, we met up with a kind Irishman who took care of us the whole day and helped us on our way to Dublin.
My daughter and son in law have recently returned from their second trip to Ireland and are already planning to rent a cottage on their next visit.
I apologize again for the joke.
O'Madtown
Thanks O'Madtown
Perhaps I was a bit too thin skinned. I suppose it's one thing when we joke among ourselves, another when we see jokes just re-inforcing racist stereotypes to the amusement of people who neither understand nor respect the lessons of our nation's long, complex and often painful struggle for political freedom.
Slainte!
Perhaps I was a bit too thin skinned. I suppose it's one thing when we joke among ourselves, another when we see jokes just re-inforcing racist stereotypes to the amusement of people who neither understand nor respect the lessons of our nation's long, complex and often painful struggle for political freedom.
Slainte!
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