Having sex before one is married was looked down on for hundreds of years, but now as society evolves there have been many things once considered not "normal" that we see every day. So is Pre marital sex still wrong? Do we still feel the same way as we did years ago?

Well before we looked down on pre-marital sex, there was no such thing as marriage and people were having sex then too. So it was normal to have sex before marriage was even an idea in our head.

I think pre-marital sex was looked down upon many years ago because no one heard of it. Well, now it seems like it is normal to do it. I don't believe in it. I do think you should wait until you are married to engage in these activities. Although, I guess it depends on your morals and how you were brought up.

I think it's a common occurance that people are no longer shocked by. I feel it's an individual decision and that religion plays a large part on how important a person considers it.

I personally don't think waiting for marriage makes you any better or worse than someone who chooses not to.

It's kind of sad, yknow? I mean back in the day it was the thing to do, nowadays if someone hears about someone not having sex til married they think "oh, that's nice." I have alot of respect for people who are able to hold out, I mean, that's alot to deal with, peer pressure alone! I also think that peer pressure is what plays a great part in whether or not a person decides to take that step. It used to be the flour that helped bake the cake. Now it's just the icing.

For some of us, marriage is just a change in tax status and lower insurance rates.

The way I see it is: why get married and ruin a good thing ???

Though some people can engage in pre-marital sex without trouble, the vast majority contribute to the epidemic of fatherless homes which is part of the reason pre-marital sex was and is looked down upon.

My father has been married 4 times. As far as fatherless families when he left his second wife and her three children that he had raised for ten years as his own he completely turned his back on them and moved on. I'm his daughter from his first marriage...he and I do not speak. He has two natural sons from his second marriage that he visits occasionally. I have not met his current wife or her son but I have little faith that marriage will stop him from turning his back on them once he moves on to something better.

On the other hand, I lived with my husband for four years and had three kids before finally marrying him. We have been together 12 years now. My father had the nerve to look down on ME because we were not married in the beginning.

What a hypocrit. It's ok to dump people as long as you were married but it's not ok to stay together and raise a family without that piece of paper.

I wonder what a person is really thinking when they give that 'till death do us part' line the fourth time.

Of course it's not okay to leave a family without support, married or unmarried. That does not change the fact that marriage raises dramatically the chances that an abandoned family will recieve support.

Even more general of an issue than pre-marital sex is cohabiting before marriage. I guess both is commonly accepted practices now. And I would argue that both has been instrumental in the destruction of the nuclear family. Today's morals might accept them, but it is to the detriment of the fabric of society.

What era are you comparing todays moral fabric with?

If people are going to engage in this activity then they had best be ready to pay the consequences if there are any. Too many kids are doing this, and think it is ok. TV says so. It has become casual sex, and no I don't think it is good. We have a lot of unwed mothers out there!

We have a lot of people that were virgins on their wedding nights here. I don't think I've ever met such a large group in the same place before. I try not to worry about other people's sexual habits unless they are my children.

Luckily they will never be unwed mothers, they're all boys.

To have pre-marital sex I think is a different from casual sex. Casual sex to me is just that. Pre-marital sex I think, is you are going to be married anyways.

Mom, I think you make a very important distinction. Casual sex and premarital sex are very different.

By it's very definition, premarital means there must exist some intention of eventual marriage.

By merely calling it premarital sex, one is stigmatized because they have not completed the "proper" chronology of marriage first, then sex. Premarital implies marital intent and in many instances in modern America that is no longer the goal.

A loving marriage can not work without commitment but one can have a loving commitment without marriage

Just take everything Jaime said and frame it. If I could have put it that well that is exactly what I would say.

What if I had premarital sex and only thought I was going to get married and decided to just move in together instead...but still only had sex with that one person. Would that be ok?

Or if I have sex with someone that I don't want to spend eternity with but do care for, plus I'm lonely. If I don't get pregnant and become a single parent would that be acceptable?

I'm really not sure what is considered ok with other people when it comes to my sex life. (not that the examples above are my sex life...just common situations for others). I always thought if they are consensual adults I should stay out of it. Of course, rapists and child molestors should be followed with picket signs so that their neighbors are warned and a little torture wouldn't upset me for that group...but otherwise I don't care to know what others do in their own bedrooms.

Exactly, Jaime. Well, said.

Otseng - How is cohabitating before marriage a detriment to the fabric of society?

As I see it, cohabitating before marriage is a good thing. People often find that they are not compatible once they live together. Isn't it better to find this out before making a life changing decision or would we be better off to get married and either 1) live in misery or 2) get divorced?

Sex outside of the institution of marriage is not the same, as Mom of 3 said, as casual sex, and not all sexual interactions lead to unwanted pregnancy and disease. This happens when people haven't been properly educated or haven't taken the proper precautions. This can occur just as easily within the institution of marriage. There are many married couples that are having babies, and they aren't prepared emotionally or financially to deal with that responsibility.

The National Institute of Mental Health found that women in cohabiting relationships
had much greater rates of depression than women in married relationships.
The numbers are as follows (annual rate of incident of depression per 100):

Married (never divorced) 1.5
Never Married 2.4
Divorced Once 4.1
Divorced Twice 5.8
Cohabiting 5.1

Lee Robins and Darrel Regier, Psychiatric Disorders in America:
The Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study (New York: Free Press, 1991), p. 64.

Contrary to popular belief, cohabiting doesn't decrease the likelihood of a divorce, it actually increases the odds of a divorce.

Also, domestic violence is twice as common among cohabiting couples as married couples.

http://www.startribune.com/stories/389/2101335.html

Score for Oliver!

Seriously though. I think waiting until marriage before engaging in sex is the smarter choice. Practical reasons aside (disease, pregnancy, etc.), I think there is an emotional factor that people often overlook and that is alluded to by the statistics that Oliver posted.

When you engage in sex with somebody else, there is an intimate bond that is being made, whether purposefully or not. It just makes things SO MUCH HARDER than they had to be if things don't work out later down the road.

Premarital sex clouds your judgment because you just get hooked to it, you attribute these wonderful feelings to the wrong person, and you don't realize it until 8 years later.

You can decide more rationally whether you are compatible with the other person or not if sex is not introduced too early.

You can always go deeper into a relationship. But you can never get back your innocence lost.

I am proud to say that I am a virgin. I am happy to say that despite what people's reactions are. I think if you are a virgin, be happy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

http://dir.salon.com/mwt/feature/2000/01/2...orce/index.html

Cant you be happy and not a virgin?

And I dont see how co-habiting is any different than actual marriage. Except for legal reasons. Moving in with someone is a big emotional (possibly spiritual) step for the couple involved. And what if you dont want to get married, should you live alone the rest of your life?

Alright premarital sex is okay inm y book if the love is there than go for it, if it's just an excuse to get a rise than its not worth it and its not real. If you don't wanna have sex before marriage, then explain that to your partner, and if he or she really loves you then you won't have any problems relating. but if the love is intact and you beleive in it then you are doing nothing wrong because there is no wrong to be done.

you don't have to get married to have sex

I have a sister who moved in with a guy. He had 5 kids from a previous marriage. He had custody of all 5 children. They lived together for 19 yrs before getting married. They have now been married for 6 yrs. Why you ask did they finally get married? He asked her many times to marry him. She said she was afraid of what if it didn't work? She could leave at anytime. There was no casual sex there. The living together status was for 19 yrs. That is love. So Don't put people down because they choose to live together, this is not CASUAL sex.

Some more thoughts to ponder:


Cohabiting partners "experience significantly more difficulties in subsequent marriages and with issues of adultery, alcohol, drugs, and independence than couples who had not cohabited." Marriages preceded by cohabitation are 50 to 100 percent more likely to break up than those not preceded by cohabitation.

(William Axinn and Arland Thornton, "The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Casual Influence?" Demography, Vol. 29, 1992, page 358.)


"Overall association exists between premarital cohabitation and subsequent marital instability. The dissolution rates of women who cohabit premaritally with their future spouse are, on average, nearly 80 percent higher than the rates of those who do not."

Neil G. Bennett, Ann Blanc Klimas and David E. Bloom, Commitment and the Modern Union: Assessing the Link Between Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability, American Sociological Review, 1988, p.132.


"only those leaving in conjunction with marriage were truly unlikely to return" to their parents' home. However, "cohabitors were very likely to return home for an extended stay," 20 percent of cohabitants returned home and only 2 percent of marrieds returned.

Frances Goldsheider, Arland Thornton, and Linda Young-DeMarco, A Portrait of the Nest-Leaving Process in Early Adulthood, Demography, 1993, p. 694.

I love Jaime.

We have been together for over 6 years. Neither of us need a piece of paper granting government recognition of our love to know we love each other.

Until we see a financial need for marriage, or plan on having kids, there is no need to get married.

So obviously, in cases like this, I have no problem with the subject at hand.

Mike

I don't believe that premarital sex was ever "wrong", it's just that it's been frowned upon in some cultures. I think we've become a bit more "permissive" as a society, but I doubt that there's been a marked increase in premarital sex just because sex outside marriage is now more acknowledged and, evidently, more tolerated.

Personally I see nothing wrong with premarital sex, cohabitation outside of marriage, or even casual, recreational sex. But I do disapprove of abstinence. (That last sentence was a joke, btw.) I was wildly promiscuous in my youth, with no regrets at all. And I've been in a committed relationship for twenty-two years (and two foster sons) without the benefit of a marriage ceremony. Then again, my partner and I are not allowed to legally marry, so it's a different sort of issue for us.

Regarding unwed mother concerns (or STD concerns, for that matter), I feel that is more a question of sex education and contraception than premarital sex.

I just dont believe this. I got married before really living with my spouse, and we have since then broken up, after only being married for a year and a half. We havent gotten a divorce yet because he refuses to help me out with paying for it, and we will not be getting back together. If we had simply moved into together, I would not have to deal with ANY of the trouble that has caused from being married.

I also think that there because more people are cohabiting than in the former part of the 20th century, there is more to correlate between cohabiting and marriage. Also, divorce is more common today. I dont think I'm articulating what I'm trying to say very well. Lets say 80 years ago, people didnt live together, because there was social stigma against it, same with divorce. So people got married and never really lived together before hand. Maybe now that cohabiting and divorce are more socially acceptable, people are doing that instead of suffering in a marriage they wish they could get out of. Make sense?

Based on facts that I've seen, I don't believe that cohabiting actually increases the odds of a successful marriage. It might seem to make sense logically, but the statistics don't back it up.

No, but the cohabitation rate is on the rise and apparently the divorce rate is not, which means that cohabitation may not increase the chances of a happy marriage, but it doesn't decrease them either.