If I chose the wrong forum, please move.

I picked up this link in my usual chat room haunt. I immediately thought of James Carville, Mary Matalin, Bob Jones University, and how people who agree with us 80 - 100% of the time can be more boring than watching paint dry and lead to delusions of infallibility.

I typed RepublicanSingles.com and got a different dating service. SingleDemocrat.com is no longer in operation and links to SingleRepublican.com

If there were a Democrat version I’d make a lot of friends, could rant into exhaustion, but I think my chances of finding someone I like wouldn’t necessarily be better than at another online dating service like Cupid.com

Do we have a better chance of staying with a partner if their political views compliment ours?

How important are political views in a partner?

When it comes to the opposite sex, I tend to like a woman with opposite political views than I. Some of my best female friends are very liberal.

Do we have a better chance of staying with a partner if their political views compliment ours?

I don't think that political views per se are important, a little healthy debate never hurt anyone. But, political views are often indicators to how a person views the world, their standards, goals and morals. These things are extremely critical in a relationship.

For example, if you are a liberal democrat dating a conservative religious right republican -- there is a very good chance you are going to disagree on some very fundamental things in life. How to raise kids, what to teach them, how to approach life, etc.

So, I would say they are a good indicator of other qualities but you shouldn't put them into your standards in stone or anything.

As someone getting ready to be hitched soon, I can tell you that it's not about having matching political views, but matching levels of intensity about your views and matching ways of discussing things.

In other words, if you're a dogmatic (regardless of where on the spectrum you are), then you need someone who is comfortable being with a dogmatic. If you're a moderate, then you're probably going to be less comfortable living with a dogmatic. It takes a special person to be with someone who's always "right" about a political question.

Arguments are NOT the spice of life; being married gives you so many more things to argue about than politics. Why add to that?

What I guess I'm trying to say here is that it's not about WHAT political view you hold, but how you both interact when it comes to discussing those views that will dictate whether you'll find your true and lasting love in another person.

(and the same can be said about religious beliefs)

During marriage counselling, it is not important that a couple have the same interests, but compatible emotionally (to capitalize on what AMF said)- a person that is Jewish and a person that is Catholic can be happily married to each other- as long as they don't try to force thier views on the other, in an unwanted way (the dymamics of some relationships, one person, does in fact, want to be pushed) .

Like with Caraville and Matalin- I am sure that political discussion is a very small part of thier conversation.

I should use the example of the Quadrapeligic and his wife of 20 years "sure, I am a quad, and I think about it, but I don't think about it all the time, and niether does she".

I guess it depends on how much of your life it consumes.

As Jeanine Garafalo said on the "daily show" the other day- to me, voting for GW at this point to me, is a character flaw, so I don't think (were I single) I could date someone that was a GW supporter. So you see, the intensity of this feeling, as AMF said, is a big part of the equation.

I like a good rant (erm, debate) but my girlfriend probably has pretty much the same political stance as I, although she doesn't think too much about politics and isn't even bothered about voting. I think it would irk me a bit if my spouse was my polar opposite, however I am not at any political extreme so its hard to have a polar opposite anyway.

Having never been with anyone as politically active as me, I don't know. I question everyone when they have an opinion, regardless of where they are coming from, and still get on with everyone just as well. I have some very conservative friends and some very liberal friends and I mix well with both. But somehow, I can't really see two extremes (Democrat to Republican isn't that extreme really) mixing well in a relationship, unless they were the type who could really live and let live and neither partner felt the need to promote their beliefs excessively.

LOL, 100% voted for love is more than politics. This is just too funny.

While I would agree that a relationship is way more than agreement on political issues, I'm afraid I'd also have to agree with Janeane Garafalo. Some of you may have noticed that I take a rather dim view of the Bush administration. In fact, I believe that this administration is about as morally bankrupt as it is possible to get and still be borderline human - and that its supporters are either equally bereft of any ethical sense whatsoever, are partisan to the point of self-destruction, are totally ignorant of what is going on in America and don't give a damn about the future of the country, or are just plain stupid (no offense - I'm merely stating my personal and very considered beliefs here). Therefore, while I can just about tolerate some who may be Bush supporters, I cannot imagine actually trusting anyone who supported this heinous regime enough to actually enter into a relationship with them.

That said, most of my family, many of my friends, and more than a few of my ex-lovers are or have been conservative (often extremely conservative) Republicans or Libertarians or Constitutionalists (my partner of 24 years identifies himself as a libertarian), so, generally speaking, I've had no problem with the "political divide". But do not tell me you are campaigning for Bush and expect me to leave my wallet unattended around you or leave you alone with a small child. And that, obviously, would not make for a very firm foundation for a relationship.

I guess there are just some issues which raise insurmountable barriers between people. I once dated a guy for a couple of weeks before I discovered that he was a total (and irredeemable) racist. I did not see him again. The same would hold true, for me, for anyone who whole-heartedly supported the Bush administration.

As a very political person -- I spend much of my free time doing activism -- politics is very important in a partner for me.

I'm very fortunate -- I met my husband while doing volunteer work for an organization he was the director of. Now we haven't yet been together for a very long time, but so far I love that we are so well matched politically.

Some of the advantages so far: we attend rallies and peace vigils together; no arguments about what to teach our daughter; we encourage each other to do better when it comes to recycling or other earth friendly activities; we are supportive of each other's activites.

If it's a matter of not having anything to talk about, well, there's still plenty for us. Don't underestimate the ability to have someone to rant to -- and there's plenting of ranting these days! Also, we were both brought up with completely different backgrounds, so there's still a lot to talk about and learn from each other.

I dated a centrist guy a few years ago and it was hard -- he just didn't care about the issues I cared about and thought I over-reacted to things that I felt were really important.

If I really want to argue with someone with different politics I can just call up a sibling or my dad, or just log on to AD. I'd rather have my marriage be harmonious politically.

I don't think I could stand being with someone I didn't agree with one certain issues. religion is one thing. I could NEVER be with someone that was constantly mentioning "god" (I'm a pantheistic-agnostic-atheist. I have seen no evidence proving or disproving god, (agnostic) but IF there is a god, it is an energy force that permeates all known (and unknown) existence, (pantheist)but I lean toward the belief there is no god (atheist) ) I could NOT be with someone that believed in the christian god whom I think is sadistic.

another one is opposistion to neoliberalism (aka globalism) if they are for "free" trade, I consider them an enemy first and foremost and could not stand to be around them.

so to ME some major political issues are very important in deciding if I want to be with someone. if you don't agree on certain issues that are extremely important to you you WILL argue and fight constantly. this leads to trying to hurt each other (emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically)

If you and your partner/spouse love politics, having the divergent views can cause much friction (IMO) because things are so difficult now. I am a recovered Bush supporter and my wife and I can no longer discuss politics because I announced last September that I would not be voting for Bush in 2004. I have posted for years on another forum and my wife say's I'm getting brainwashed by the liberals. I just say "nah.... it's that I take the time to read the dissent honey, while you just spend your time on your career and our family (brown-nosing here for her sake). If you read what I read, then you would have similar views."

Usually, she just dismisses me and changes the subject.

Mark

Hello All,
I am new and found this conversation and thought I would put in my 2 cents. I believe that a relationship with a political opposite would be hard to manage. I am very conservative and have had relationships with women in the past that are slightly to very liberal and boy did we debate loudly. I also have a cousin that is so liberal she wants to join the ACLU and we get into debates that turn out that we don't speak for 2 days. Also along with the site www.RepublicanSingles.com there is one for Democrats, www.DemocraticSingles.com. Just to let you know.

Heh...no it's not: singledemocrat.com

Nice.

Welcome to forum, btw.

Well, certainly political opinions are part of compatibility, but not the only part. There are many other factors to be considered. Some may seem rather trivial, but they would be important to me. I can't imagine living with a smoker, for example. Others would be vitally important to anyone. I would not marry someone who insisted on having children, for example. Other factors range from strong (I would have difficulty living with anyone who was very religious) to weak (I would be annoyed if I had to live with someone who lived with dogs.)

So how strong is the factor of shared political beliefs? Moderate, I'd say. I would not be comfortable with someone who is the polar opposite of me (no members of the Moral Majority, please) but I can imagine living with someone who was anything from an anarchist to a Libertarian to a moderate Republican.

Fortunately, my better half and I are quite compatible in all ways.

I believe most people who are strongly political have a strong sense of core values. Those core values are made up of things like faith or lack thereof, morals, ideals, etc. I believe a close relationship requires two people to share a similiar set of core values.

That doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, but let's be honest here. The reason relationships last is communication and if you disagree on everything from abortion to raising your kids in a failing public school or getting help to send them to a voucher school or one spouse supporting the NRA while the other supports banning guns, or...well you get the point, you are going to have communication issues - or at least you are going to end up arguing about basic beliefs. That can't be easy on a relationship.

For me personally, I want a partner who has the same set of core values - oh and he has to love to dance!

Lydia and I are on our 15th year of trying to figure out how relationships are supposed to work.

I am happy to report that we have no idea. Someone wrote about how relationships start with territorial struggles, move into dominance struggles, and then finally, if the relationship lasts, you're both just so tired of it all that the real relationship starts.

Yep, that's about right for us.

Regarding political views, we're both liberal in the classical sense but not so open minded that our brains fall out. In other words, we don't mind paying taxes especially for social improvements like better roads, libraries, parks, open spaces, wilderness areas, wildlife management (seems an oxymoron) and yes, even public schools (!).

We believe strongly that everyone who wants an education should get the opportunity to do so, and that everyone who wants to work should get that as well. We're idealists when it comes to this.

We believe strongly that money spent on good books, musical instruments, and the things that go along with literature/music is never wasted. We believe in the arts and believe it is a perfectly good use of taxpayer money to support the arts.

And we share disdain for the behavior of business leaders and politicians in recent years.

So I guess we share core values pretty much, yet in earlier years we fought up a storm (territory and dominance). What held it together was indeed a form of love beyond romance and lust. We give a hoot about each other, no matter how foolish the other is (the other is *always* more foolish, just a condition of life).

BTW, we were one of the first couples to meet online through Compuserve. Our number one ground rule was to establish friendship first before hot monkey sex. That seemed to work well. Friendships last longer than romance and lust.

We have some fundamental differences. Lydia is more blue-blood and I'm working class. She has a bit more of a cavalier attitude toward spending than I, though this has changed due to the last personal finance downturn. I'm also the more skeptical when it comes to people's motivations (sales pitches). So being complementary doesn't mean being the same but making a stronger whole out of two. Technically, she's network support and I'm big iron server support. That works well.

I noticed that over time we tend to know what the other is thinking or about to say. We don't talk as much now than before, but the communication goes on. That's pretty cool.

So all in all, relationships are challenging and you're lucky if you can get past the early stages to the real stuff. Just how you go about doing this, I have not a clue. It helped us to communicate in writing online first -- but we both majored in English for the bachelor's. Writing is our preferred communication medium.

Anyway, good luck and try to stay level.

While there is no longer a Single Democrat, there does appear to be a Democratic Singles. Just in case any of you Democrats out there were looking...

Life would be dull if I agreed with my spouse on all the issues. However, it would be unbearable if we fundamentally disagreed on any of the ones I consider most important. Fortunately, we're just enough alike to get along well and have just enough disagreement to make things interesting. He's a Republican and I'm Libertarian. I personally don't think he could live with another Republican.

I find it hard to believe any Republican can!

I agree with you, MrsPigpen. If people have different core values, raising a family will be hard. It can be done, of course, but it would be pretty hard.

I think that my relationship with my wife could stand, if she were a conservative, but it sure would be harder - and she would be a lot less fun!

I think regular readers here know that my wife and I are on the same side of the fence politically, but we had so much more in common that I am not even certain that we even discussed politics before we got married.

This question though brought to mind a math teacher I had in high school. She used to tell us:

Absolutely. Because a partner (and I am talking about a long-term relationship) is also a very close friend. We tend to establish close friendship with people who think alike. If I meet a person who has political views totally different from my own - I know that this person thinks differently and has different outlook on many things in life (and I am not saying that her view is wrong, just different. Obviously her thought process works not like mine. Am I likely to have a working, healthy relationship with that person? I don't think so.

P.S. Needless to say, me and my wife are pretty much on the same page on most issues...