Today, around 50% of all marriages will end up in divorce. In 1900, around 10% of marriages ended up in divorce.

Why do so many marriages fail now?

I would say that there are a number of factors involved in the increase in the divorce rate.

First and foremost, I would say that divorce was socially unacceptable in 1910, and many people stayed together regardless of whether they were miserable or not. Also, gender roles have changed since that time period, and women feel more empowered than they ever have before. They have an ability to support themselves properly without the aid of their husbands, and back then, it just wasn't feasible.

Another factor is religion. We have less of it in our society than we did before, and many of the religions, while they may not embrace the concept of divorce, accept it as being a sometimes necessary action.

People are living longer. Society is moving at a faster pace, and the stress level in the 21st century is high. There is more focus on careers and money, specifically in a capitalist society.

There may be more divorce, but I think that there are more fulfilling relationships now than there were at the beginning of the 20th century.

1. Bigger pool of possible mates. With cars, highways - more travel and with the Internet - people can choose from a wider array of people and have a better chance of finding someone who is right for them.

2. Other chances. People make mistakes and some people can actually learn
from their mistakes. Rather than having to suffer in it for the rest of their lives, they have the opportunity of finding happiness in another marriage.

3. Life is better now. Women can get married for better reasons; they are no longer dependent on a man’s finances, and they have the option of listening more closely to their hearts. Men benefit from this also.

It’s better to have a divorced bunch seeking happiness in the 21st Century than a married bunch destined for gloom in the early 1900's.

jjirout

Although these things may be reasons for the current rise in divorces. A 50% divorce rate certainly points to deeper problems. A full half of people who get married are apparently poor judges of character, (or have poor character), or maybe people just change (ugh, bright side) which call into question whether anyone is worth spending one's life with.

Cloudy outllook? Don't blaim me, I have a headache

Our culture has adopted the "It will perfect" attitude when it comes to marriage. Our children are being brought up with fairy tale thoughts of that moment when you fall in love and stay in love. Now we are seeing more of the problems associated with marriage on television. Parents fight but work it out, kids act out but learn a lesson when it comes to the end. We are becoming more aware of how a marriage actually is. Some of us settle for what we are comfortable with and what we deem worth the work we go through to keep it alive. There are other's that want a perfect coupling, that other piece to our puzzle, someone that completes you and will take you away from all the worries. Marriage is a compromise of what you both want/need.

I don't really think it is a sign of deeper problems. I think that had divorce been more socially acceptable in 1910, the divorce rate would have been higher, as well. I actually think that we are living in healthier times as far as relationships are concerned, and I don't necessarily view divorce as being a bad thing. Unhappy people should not be forced to stay together.

Isn't it ironic that even though our selection pool is greater, the divorce rate is greater also? You would guess that with a such a bigger pool it would increase the odds of finding the "ideal" mate.

This leads me to conclude that a successful marriage has less to do with "finding" an ideal mate and more to do with "being" an ideal mate.

I believe that is another factor in the high divorce rate. People spend most of their time on finding the ideal mate. The goal is to find someone else that would make me feel happy, rather than becoming a better person and make others feel happy.

I agree with this. But I also think that divorce shouldn't be SO EASY to get either.

There should be a middle ground somewhere between the no fault divorce and the 'stay together no matter what' marriage that couples have to achieve before they are finally granted a divorce.

Mistakes are made and we do have a bigger pool. So we can't say that these are our guidelines for divorce. we could make it more complex to actually get married/attached. The larger pool gives us a hope of what else there is out there and if you believe of that one person doesn't this just make it harder to find them. I still think that it's more about compromise than anything else.

But, the high divorce rate could be a response to the opportunity for divorce rather than the larger pool. Who can say!



I agree; measures should be taken so that marriage is taken more seriously.



This is profound. And I think - addressing problems in American culture or lack there of. The "gimme gimme, me first" attitude - probably brought on by capitalism - is not very healthy for the home life. I have to say -living in Russia for awhile taught me a great deal about "family"....although the divorce rate there is also very high.

Anyway, the idea of "giving" in America is probably not given the glory that it deserves.

jjirout

The divorce rate will probably continue to drop and one day inadvertently it will turn and go up again. Due to some social change that happened 20-30 yrs from before.

So no one finds it odd that a fulf half of people who get married change their mind about the person they supposedly wanted to spend the rest of their lives with?

No, because I think a lot of people from previous generations changed their minds too. It just wasn't socially acceptable to act on it.

It is not the increase as much as the sheer number that is so troubling to me. It suggest that there is either a flaw in the marital system or in people's attitude towards marriage.

I think that people simply change. I got married, and realized that I was wrong. Its not that I didnt love him, or that I didnt want to spend the rest of my life with him at that time, but things change. I dont have the same friends I did a few years ago, because we went our seperate ways. We've changed. Its something society needs to adapt to a little more.

Also, one thing you said reflects on today's society - everything is now temporary and there is little permanence in things. Our culture always wants new things and discards the old. There is very little lifetime loyalty to anything anymore. Marriage included.

Let me throw out another question: Is divorce bad?

The first question as to why so many divorces:

I am rather surprised there are as few as there are. How many decisions do people make where they are expected to get it right the first time every time ?


Your second question as to whether divorce is bad:

It is not. Divorce is a normal and good thing.

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Our society and laws are very detrimental as there is a presumption of divorce being bad. This results in a series of grief for divorced people, their families and society. The laws are enforced to find the bad person in a divorce and punish them based on the presumption that divorce is bad.

Gray Seal I would be interested to know if you are divorced?

I dont think the divorce rate is so high because people dont have lifetime loyalty. I am incredibly loyal, and Im sure there are plenty of other people who are also (I think I know a few). My ex and I were loyal to each other, but it didnt work out. Why should I be forced to stay in a marriage that wasn't working, because of "loyalty"? It may be strange to think that you can be loyal to someone and not be married to them (or even in love with them), but its true. Lack of loyalty, or a need to fulfill ones self instaneously are not always reasons for divorce. When you divorce someone, it may just be because IT IS A MISTAKE. You know, that happens sometimes.

Divorce is bad, of course, its always bad to think you were going to share your life with someone and realize you were wrong. Its bad to realize that you dont love someone anymore, even if you wish it was them with every fiber of your being. Its bad to live a life pretending that you want to be with someone, when you know in your heart its just not working.