You've seen them everywhere. Men with baby bags slung over one shoulder, and a child in a backpack type thingie. They are the ones feeding, and burping junior. He's also one of those sensitive types that you see at the diaper changing station. According to the Christian Science Monitor, we are seeing a great change from the old days of the "hands-off" and "code of silence" raising of children by fathers(as epitomized by The Wonder Years for those of you old enough to remember that show!)


http://www.csmonitor.com/2004/0616/p15s01-lifp.html
Questions for debate:

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

I'll just speak for my husband on this one. He is a FANTASTIC father...so much more than my dad was.

1. Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything? I think it's a combination of societal pressure and pressure at home with the moms going off to work. When the two come home at night to the kids, it's all hands on deck until they go to bed. The woman can't do it all in the evening when she spends the whole day doing another job.

2.If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been? I'm not a male, but I'll answer this anyway. I don't think my father and I spoke more than ten words to each other a week when I was growing up, though we lived in the same house. He taught me to swim...threw me in the water when I was two. Taught me to ride a two-wheel bike when I was three...I wasn't allowed to stop until I went a certain distance, no matter what. By the end of the day, my knees and elbows were bloody, but I could ride a bike. I don't begrudge him for the way I was raised. I have always prided myself on being physically and emotionally tough, and that had a LOT to do with my father.

My husband is just the opposite. He really takes the time to play with our sons, communicate with them, and teach them properly. He is a tremendous father. Every Sunday he takes the boys on a special father and son outing.

3.Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso?? I don't think "super dads" or "super moms" actually exist, but from my experience, the average father of today is hands-down more involved and generally better than those of the generation I was raised.

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

I think it is by necessity more than anything else. Many couple are purposely having children, and therefore, are putting some ownership in the process. I think if you look, alot of these "super dads" are a tad older than the old 50s era dad we thinking of from the "Wonder years"- instead of having kids right after college or high school after getting the job, most of the ones I see playing the "super dad role" are at least in thier 30s. So they are more committed to raising thier kids IMO- want to enjoy the raising of thier children instead of it being a duty.

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

Heck no, my Dad was the stereotypical Command Sergeant Major right wing Southern Baptist. Though he has mellowed, in my childhood he was as taciturn as you can get, with us always having to say "Sir" and all that. We were not close.


3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

I made the concious decision to have children, and I love trying to raise them as best as I can while enjoying my time with them. You can say that along with the usual parental instincts and obligation, they are also my favority pastime, I miss it if I at least don't get a few hours a day with them. And since the love they return at this age is so pure, you can't help but let it wash you stress away. The joy in thier attitude when you do something fun with them helps me through my work day, knowing that they will be home to remind me that putting up with the crap I put up with at work is all worth it.

I think it is not an aberation, but an occasional blessing to be able to pull it off.

I remember when my Mom first went to work, and another wife asked her, "Gee, your husband let you go to work, how nice"- to which my Mom replied "Ya, see, he totalled the checkbook and saw that if we both want to have some money AND keep the house, I had to work, so yeah, I was given "permission" to work, now I can't wait to have "permission" not to work"

I think that is true for Dad's- we would normally loved to be allowed the luxury of being "super dad's" - but just providing is all some can do, not through any real fault of thier own.

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

I think it is a little of both. For instance look at the term they are using "superDad." So if I would want to be "super" I must baby my child? Wouldn't "caring" dad be more descriptive, yet they chose a feel good ambiguous term like "super." On the flip side, a lot of my generation grew up with the "tough" dad who brought home the bacon and that was enough. I think sometimes we might have felt neglected, which made us resent our fathers and we became more determined to give our kids the attention that we craved.

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

My father is definitely a hands off type of guy. Whenever he got involved with me and my siblings it was usually in a loud threatening voice and most likely preceded mild child abuse. (So I guess I could say he was "hands-on" ) Now, that I have turned into a cookie cutter member of society we can at least talk about things I need to do, for example buying a house. I respect my dad and sort of like the way he raised me because of the way I turned out. It gave me a take no junk and get it done attitude and keeps my emotions separate which I think is needed in the business world.

3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

I think that every father is different, just like every person is different. Although there are a lot of groups that I guess you categorize them into, like we do with women for example housewife, career woman, .......

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

I'd say there are two things involved here:
- Choice: Most of these dads are becoming fathers at a later age and therefore are able to spend more time with them and support them better. They also choose to be more involved with their children, likely due to experiences in their own childhoods. I know that personally, I'm not even considering having children with my wife until I'm at least 30 and there are also other milestones we have to meet first as well.

- Necessity: Most households now are two income households and many of the dads today have accepted that in order to have that nice house in the suburbs their wife has to work. That means that the duties of raising children, household chores, etc need to be split and shared. I think the era of the "housewife" is over.

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

No, we hardly said anything to each other. He was busy doing his thing and expected me to take care of myself to a certain extent. We didn't have that great of a relationship until after I graduated college, and even that took time. I probably talked to him more in the last 4 years than I did my entire childhood or time in college.

The effect this had on me is making me realize that children are a big commitment and I shouldn't get myself into that position until I'm ready and I can dedicate my time to them. I refuse to make the same mistakes my dad made with my children.

3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

I don't know if I like the term "super". I think it works as a comparision to someone from say the the 1950's, but today's parents are fundamentally different for a number of reasons. Therefore, the dads of today are just dads in my opinion.

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

I think it is the rise of the professional woman that has led to this. My mother was fired from United Airlines in the early 70's due to becoming pregnant. Society is changing "for the better" in that women are striving to be the equal to men that they are. (pc enough? )This leads to shared responsibility and therefore, men are changing more diapers than they used to. And we should be.

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

My father was Fighter Pilot. Being hand-on with me was not part of his job description. He was hand-on........with F-4s and F-16s. My dad is a super soldier, a super Squadron Commander, a super DO of the 7th airforce.............didn't leave a whole lot of time to be a super dad.......... But hey, our country is safe right?

3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

Super dad huh? Guys do a fraction of the duties of a mother and they are called SUPER for it...................What about Super Moms? Call them Dads when they do next to nothing, and as soon as they lift a finger to help in the raising of their child and they are all of a sudden Super. Super dad sounds like something said on Will and Grace............

I think there are elements of both, but also a third factor - that the modern working guy's life is often so emotionally barren that he might welcome the opportunity to be involved in such a rich experience. We spend more time in the workplace than ever but - advances in technology notwithstanding - are more socially isolated than ever. The old service clubs (Rotary, Lions) are no longer part of life for most men, and neither is the old bowling league. Everyday experiences such as shopping are more impersonal than ever. Women are more likely than before to be focused on their own non-family goals, and hence more distant and enervated - more like men have traditionally been when it came to the family. For many men, a child is the only or safest person they can bond with.

I have no idea, since my parents separated when I was two. To hear my mother tell it I might already have spent more time with my three-week-old daughter than he ever spent with me, but I think she might be exaggerating.

I had never heard of the super-dad until I read this, and I don't believe the label applies to a significant number of men. Yes, many men are more involved with their children, but I don't think they're "super" in the sense that they're trying to do more than is reasonable in a day. They're just doing what they can to have a life outside the workplace.

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

My father grew up being raised by a father who was a breadwinner. He was a husband whose wife worked a supplemental income job. I think it is an exercise in vanity to call myself a superdad. I set out to make less money than my father and have more time. He doesn't get me, and often gives me what seem like back-handed complements about my relationship with my kids. (You really seem to dig doing that stuff) Superdad, hah, I never spent as much time in daycare as my kids do. I don't intend to become a soccer dad.

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

My father was not hands on or very involved. I chose a different path of fatherhood. I turned out to like myself and I can't speak for my kids.


3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

Todays dad's get a lot of credit for taking on less than half of the responsibilities. On the other hand, a lot of dads are not around for their kids at all. I don't mean at work, I mean not around. Dads should get credit for putting in the time. My wife works harder at being a mother than I do at being a father, but despite the overwhelming joy and sense of peace I get from being a father, I often wonder why the letters me are in the word team. There is a whole lot of thinking about people other than me. My father did the same, and much of it was at the work place while I complained about having an absentee father. I now see that he wasn't on the party circuit.

I get too much credit, my dad got too little. My kids will probably choose to grow up to be just like him and not at all like me. I wouldn't tell them they picked the wrong role model, my dad is one heck of a guy.

Just evolution. I think most dads have wanted to be more involved with their families but the way society was set up, you went to work and that was about it. By the time you got home you were too tired to be active in your families affairs.
There is more flexibility these days—of course for some they now have the free time because of employment instability—and many men are glad for the opportunity. As for the “Super Dads” label, I dunno you sound somewhat against the idea from the tone of your questions.
I personally am damn glad to be a large part of my son’s life, and look forward to more kids. I have even made sure that my career choices reflect my love of family and have always made it clear work comes in a distant second to work. Will I miss out on some opportunities? Maybe, but my work ethic and –without out sounding too braggy—flat out ability have given me openings to move upward, and many of the positions I can’t get into are often more stress than I want anyhow.
The environment a child grows up in determines whether or not they have a realistic chance of reaching their hypothetical peak of development. How can anyone justify stunting that growth? The joy I get out of interacting with my son and the stronger bonds I get to form with my wife are invaluable. The days of the emotionally stunted Father who treats his family like property or soldiers is thankfully dying a well deserved death.



My Father wasn’t there. After the divorce he was around infrequently. Not really his fault and I hold no grudge. We get along fine but are not close.



I'm sorry if I misread, but you seem somewhat hostile about this whole superdad thing?
The Super Dad is merely a long overdue mile marker. These days men have to actually earn the title of being a man and even harder a Father. You no longer just get credit for having the genitalia. For those who cannot handle the responsibility of being a father please get snipped. There is no excuse for bringing a child in this world and thinking just cause you feed it you’ve done your part.

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

Its because they have the affluent and comfortable society their fathers built for them.
Its also because they didn't have to live through the after effects of two world wars or the depression as their fathers did.
And its because television taught us such new idea's like equality for all.


2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

My father was a hard man who as far as I can recall never once told me he loved me, who would administer physical punishment rather than verbal and who spent all his time locked away in his workshop.

For all that, he was a good father, and still is. He provided a good safe home for me and my brothers. He never cheated on my mother, or ever hit her despite his hot temper. Looking back I can see he was emotionally isolated. He had never learned how to express his emotions because he grew up in a society that discouraged such things.

I may be a more sensitive and understanding man, but I only hope that I can live up to my Father, for if I am a good person in any way, then it is only because my parents raised me so.


3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

Its a load of rubbish. Modern fathers are not better, they are just different. They still lie, cheat and act irresponsible no matter how nice they are with their kids. Lets just wait and see how the next generation of kids grows up before he start clapping ourselves on the back.

This is a good but very difficult topic. If you grew up with a good father, it is difficult to say you feel you are a better father. It is even more difficult if you father is no longer with us. It is also difficult because these days, families just aren't families anymore. I ignored this topic for awhile and finally decided to respond to it. I apologize in advance for drifting off topic in this post as I know I will end up expounding on parenthood in general.




I think the primary motivator for "super Dads" is the fact that most households are two income families now. Dad HAS to step to the plate when it comes to the kids because there are time when he is the only one there. However, most of the Dads I know rarely do so.

In my situation, my wife and I went to great pains, and made many sacrifices to have a one income family. She is a stay at home Mom, and as a result does 90% of the work involving our daughter and our home.

My role is as her backup with discipline, her partner with education and her relief when she needs to get away for a little bit. I do my own thing when it comes to teaching and disciplining my daughter, but I try to be careful not to step on my wifes toes with what she is working on.




My father worked 10+ hours a day 7 days a week to support the family and invest in his and Mom's retirement. He knew he wouldn't be around much, and even though he was raised very differently then my Mother he decided that there needed to be a united front when it came to me. So he deferred to her style and supported her in the backup role. For a man born in the 40s, I think that was pretty amazing.

When he was home his time was split between home project, projects for neighbors, major league sports on TV, and his financial studies on market trends and the like.

He would make time for me, and would involve me in everything except the financial stuff.

As I grew up and started my own family my father was ALWAYS available to listen to me, help me figure something our, talk politics, etc.

He was a great man, a great dad and yet I probably only had about 4 hours a week with him total when I was growing up.

He tried to be hands-on but time and task made that difficult.




How many working Moms do you all know? How many of them do you see working, then taking care of the house, laundry, dinner, dishes, etc. I know several. I think there are alot of lazy Dad's out there. Even when the wife works too they leave the burden of running the house on her.

For stay at home Moms, they work as hard as someone who is employed. The husband in these cases usually feels that it is all her job as it is her only job. They think the wives watch soaps all day. They have no idea what it is like to spend 12 hours+ a day with a toddler and no one else. THey have no idea how much work is involved in the upbringing of their children.

A man has to talk openly with his wife and look around when he is home to get a feel for how things are going and what he can do to help.

Most of the work around the house is done by my wife. I take the job of dishes and keeping the kitchen clean nightly, and I try to take the job of relieving her from our daughter for awhile each day and at least a full day every other week. I also put my own time in with my 3 year old daughter because I like it. though with other tings going on like home projects and politics I frequently fall short these days.

I do have a job, and I do work reasonably hard at it. But emotionally draining jobs are tougher on people then physically draining jobs. This is because it is so hard to turn the job off when your not on it. Stay at home Moms have very emotionally tough jobs, that don't really have an end because they don't leave to go home everyday. Their work responsiblities are always there.

To be a super Dad you have to take as much of the work load off you wife (or partner) as you can. DO you best to make it 50-50. And give them a break, the primary care-giver, stay at home or not, needs time to themselves and time with other grown ups once in awhile.

Most of the Dads I know today see it as their job to get the family that beautiful 3000 square foot house, new cars every other year and name brand everything from catsup to sneakers. As a result, they are always working, their partner is always working and some day care center or nanny is the one raising their child.

Most of these parents, when they get home are too tired to parent. yes is easier then no and so the kids begin to run the house. When the kids are acting wild, and the parents are tired from work many choose to go somewhere else. Men hide in the garage or on the computer working on "projects", Wives retreat to house work, computers or the phone (Not trying to stereotype here, just reporting what I have seen).

This is not parenting. And this is not how to be a Dad. As a result I feel that the superdad concept is a myth. There are a few, but these days, most parents I know don't even bother to parent, let alone try to be good at it. They expect all the skills, morals, and character building to be done by daycare, the schools etc. And then they complain about how wild their kids are, and about how the kids don't listen to them.

Most of these parents don't even take responsiblity for their kids. They complain about how their kids are out of control and don't listen to them. That is usually followed by: "What is up with kids today?", "what are they teaching my kids in school?", "What is that nanny / daycare center doing to my child?", etc. etc. Then they wonder why their kids won't take responsiblity for anything, will lie about everything and seem to have no drive or motivation to succeed anywhere. If you REALLY want to know "what is up with kids today" take a walk to the bathroom and stare hard in the mirror and ask the question again.

My father was a good Dad and a great guy to be with the few hours a day he was home. I need to learn better time management. With projects on the house, work, AD, chores around the house, etc. My daughter tends to get short changed. I talk about changing that but frequently fall short. I am no superdad, though I would like to be. I wonder how many of these mythical creatures there really are.

When I try and form questions on A.D., I try to make out "pro" and "con" questions to hit a given topic from each side. I really haven't given thought as to whether or not I'm hostile to the "super-dad" concept. I think you should take issue with Government_mule or Eeyore, they sound pretty skeptical about the tile to me. To a certain extent, I believe that society, not men in general, have improved. The reason why fathers can now be in the delivery room or use "flex-time" to stay at home with junior when he's sick has more to do with societal attitudes, rather than men hitting the streets demanding rights. At the same time, I'm reading some people's personal experiences with their fathers, and I wonder how today's dads couldn't clear the bar that their own fathers set.

Platypus has an interesting theory that I hadn't personally considered before. The idea that men's social outlets have dwindled and thus, they have become more involved is a really interesting angle. Certainly helping junior make it to the major leagues certainly makes more sense than spending one's time at their mind-numbing job.

I guess the hostility stems from the fact that I don't view these people as Super Dads. They are just dads doing what they are supposed to be doing. Does that really make them Super?

I didn't mean to offend anyone, I was more sticking up for my mother who is a Super Mom.

She raised two kids after being fired as I mentioned above for becoming pregnent. As I reached 10, she and my father got divorced. She did not have a degree, and started answering phones at a stock brokerage house. While continuing to raise 2 kids, she put herself through night school, and last year retired as Vice President of Operations from Smith Barney. Now you want to start talking about the word Super, let's use it to discribe something above and beyond, not what is expected. That's all. And I do believe that there are Super Dads, but I just don't use the term lightly.

Funny experience with this as of late. I was at a family gathering and I picked up the baby bag, my 15 month old son, and was heading into a room to change him. One elderly lady commented to the other: "Isn't it nice to see fathers these days take care of their children?" Not every father does this today, but I believe that for the most part, a lot of fathers are trying to be more "hands-on"



I'm completely with you on this Government_mule. My parents divorced when I was about six or seven. Dad didn't pay child support(luckily mom had a Ph.D. and didn't need the money anyways) and dad just went to football games and drank like a fish for a decade or so. I have absolutely nothing to do with him and have no plans to tell my children about him. I hope he develops a painful form of cancer and writhes in pain during his last days. My step-dad is "dad" and that's how I'll leave it. Couldn't that be the reason why the "super-dad" has come about?? The children of the '70s and '80s see how screwed up their parent(s) made them and they want to do better and actually try??? What do you think?

I think societal pressure plays a part, but also circumstance.





Never met my biological dad...he doesn't even know about me yet, thirty some years later (however, I'm working up the guts to approach him)...my step-dad was "hands-off"...in his opinion children were to be neither seen nor heard. I haven't spoken to him for several years now.

Coincedentally, my step-dad's friends would always come over and spend time with me, playing catch, riding bikes, star gazing...



I don't pay much attention to other fathers...however, I don't know many other dads....I love the time I spend with my children. I don't consider myself a "super-dad"...I just do what I have to do, and I enjoy it, and I especially enjoy the positive feedback I get from my kids.

Why is it unsurprising that no responder here believes his father was a better Dad than he is?

I think that speaks to the strong 'societal pressure' more than anything else. Every father must now at least give lip-service to the idea that they 'wish they could spend more time with their kids,' or be thought an utter beast.

Whether they actually do wish it, who can say?

1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?

2.)If you are male, do you think your own father was 'hands-on" enough or involved as he should've been?

3.)Is the "super-dad" just an aberration? A social myth that is created by overzealous focus groups who've had too much espresso??

I am a far better dad than my dad. He was raised by his maternal grandparents, having been abandoned by both his parents. They rarely talked to him. He rarely talked to us. He did not know how to show love.
However, I can only hope to be half as good a dad as my late father-in-law was.

Too hands on when he was punishing, not hands on enough at other times. Same with mom, they were hitters, not huggers. They didn't raise us, they just kept us fed and clothed until they could get rid of us. We all bailed as soon as possilbe, most right at age 17 without finishing high school.

Not trying to be a superdad, whatever that is, I am just trying to be involved in my children's lives. Likewise the grandchildren. They all seem to love me, so I must be doing something right. Most right thing I ever did was marry a gal from the right kind of family. I could not have done as well by marrying someone from a similar background as mine.

[QUOTE]1.)Is it due to their own upbringing, or due to societal pressure that the new generation of fathers are becoming "super dads" who do everything?[/QUOTE]

I have to add my comment here. My husband was a hands on Dad in the late 60s when our son was an infant. He changed diapers, fed, walked the floors and so on whenever he was home. As time went on and his work hours increased to more than 60/week, his time was limited with our son but what time he had was quality time.

Today my son is a Dad, very involved with his daughter. I'm sure it is due to his upbringing and not social pressures. I'm so very proud to see just how involved he is with her and another point, how very much he and his wife are on the same page so to speak with their praise of their child when due and their discipline when due. They are teaching her how to be a person. Yes, I may be predjudiced here but I see my husband as being the example for my son, and again I may be predjudiced here also but my son is a SUPER DAD!

I don't see it so much as pressure, but a shift in the way that society sees things. We've gotten out of the old iron-clad roles of man as provider/protector and woman as nuturer/homemaker.

This shift is a wonderful thing -- both genders get to experience both nuturing and bonding activites with their families and acheivement and fulfillment in the outside world. People aren't locked into pre-determined roles any more which allows for more flexibility and personal growth.

Also, while my husband is a wonderful father, I wouldn't say he "does everything" -- it 's more of a partnership these days.



Naw, it's just an evolutionary movement -- and I don't think it's nearly as frenetic and stressfull as the title "super-dad" makes it sound. I think we'll see this more and more as the norm -- people less and less chained to stereotypical roles.