Everyone has to pick their battles - if we each railed against everything in this world that annoyed us, we'd be very unpleasant people. It takes a wise and patient person to identify which battles in his or her life are worth fighting, and which ones are best let go. Sometimes we get caught up in the moment and miss the bigger picture - we lose perspective.

I'm curious which battles you guys have given up fighting, at what point you decided they weren't worth fighting, and whether or not the issue still bothers you.


Some of mine:

I've given up talking about politics to everyone and anyone. Even when you try to debate civilly with someone, you can usually tell within a few minutes whether the person is well-informed, and it effects your opinion of them. I used to get excited at the chance to discuss politics - I didn't even care who it was. I've realized it wasn't worth the friendships it was costing me, I've decided limiting my political thirst to AD is much more healthy for my social life. Sometimes I'm tempted to jump into a conversation, but for the most part I can let a quick comment go by without jumping on it.

I've given up hoping that my live-in boyfriend will put his folded clothes away into the drawers. It's not really that important. If he wants to live out of a clothes basket, who's it hurting? It doesn't really bother me anymore, as long as I don't need the clothes basket.

I've given up trying to keep the dog hairs off of the furniture. I bought a dustbuster and a lint roller a few months back. I was spending 3-5 minutes a day going over everything, just to come back 30 minutes later and they were covered again. Forget it. Only when company comes. It still bothers me, but I try not to let it.

I've given up trying to keep up with every single thread and topic on this board. I used to get frustrated when I couldn't read every word that was posted here on AD. There just isn't enough time. It doesn't really bother me anymore.

Speeding tickets. I used to get angry and outraged when I received them. I used to feel dread and shame when I was caught speeding. I've since decided that I'm not an unsafe driver so there is no reason to feel guilty about speeding. I wondered why I received so many more speeding tickets than everyone I know. But then I realized that I drive 10 fold more miles and hours than everyone I know, so I should be receiving more citations. I've given up trying to not speed. Now I just budget my speeding fines and insurance hikes into my yearly finances. It's the price of freedom, I guess. Kinda like civil disobedience. Until the day I get into an accident because of my speeding, I don't think I'll ever consider my judgement on the road inaccurate. It doesn't bother me anymore.

I'll post more if I think of them.
Keep 'em coming: battles that you just won't fight anymore

I am a less frustrated driver than I used to be. I use what I call the 'potential limit theorem' while driving. I assume that everyone is working at their maximum potential concentrating on their driving...they just aren't able to do any better, due to their limited abilities. The potential limit theorem works remarkably well in almost any personal expectation for people beyond driving too. I've often used it to mellow out.

**I've had to let many things go here on AD -- seeing a topic that I really want to respond to but just don't have the time to put in the effort to do it justice or find the research or links I can remember seeing some time in the past.

**I've let go of preaching about vegetarianism. I used to be very passionate about it when I first began (about 10 years ago), and I still believe it's one of the best ways to fix many of our environmental problems, and I also feel that it's a very healthy way to live, but most people don't want to hear about it and I don't think I've ever been very effective at getting the message across. I only talk about it now when asked.

**I used to have very high expectations for myself and many ambitions. I'm not sure how I let a lot of this go, but I find that I'm not driven by as much angst as I was 4 or 5 years ago. I still have some expectation and ambition, but it's much milder and I don't kick myself over what I'm not doing as much.

**I've been involved in many activist organizations, but am finding it more and more difficult to keep up with everything. I've given up my participation in a couple of these groups and I'm trying to limit my obligations in others. It's been difficult because it becomes very addicting to take on these projects and tasks, but I need to make sure I also meet my and my family's needs.

**I've given up trying to talk about politics to certain people. A friend from an old group of friends recently remarked that we should just "nuke" Iraq, which started my blood boiling, but I let it go. She only gets her news from corporate media and so doesn't hear the other side of the story, but I realize that I'm not going to be able to better inform her in an hour and it would probably lead to animosity between us. I also have to let it go with several family members. Thank God my husband is very political in a progressive way like me so that we can have many good political conversations.

I have given up fighting with my father. We have both learned to simply agree to disagree, and it has really helped our relationship. He is a staunch Republican and former Fighter Pilot. Me? A long-haired, Grateful Dead following Liberal. We have learned that although we differ on almost every issue, that we are family and our love is unconditional.

I have given up trying to stop drinking. I have learned that I enjoy it.

I am trying to give up my attempts to explain to everyone that Israel needs to behave better. Nobody is listening.

I have given up chasing that blonde that lives on the corner. She hates me and her boyfriend is much bigger than me.

I have given up trying to change the world, and have decided to fish even more. Let me know how it turns out.

I have learned that I very much love America, but Canada is nice too.

Perspective

I like to debate with people about a lot of stuff, especially political stuff, but I find that I am not inclined to hang people for their belief's. I have a lot of friends online and off with whom I seldom agree on anything but the most basic points and I find that although I can get obstinate or even tempramental during a debate, I don't carry a grudge against people for having an opposing opinion.

Usually I will suspend a debate if I believe the other person is 'hurting', since I don't want to smack people about with my opinions unless they're prepared to receive a beating Of course, there are two sides to that coin, so I am willing to be hammered in return, provided I learn something in the process.

Or, I will suspend a debate if I am faced with sheer pig headed belligerence that offers nothing but adamant refusal to entertain any notion other than its own. There's just no point banging one's head against a brick wall.

I'm curious which battles you guys have given up fighting, at what point you decided they weren't worth fighting, and whether or not the issue still bothers you.

Its odd, but I can't think of any particular subject that I won't debate. Odd in that I have always been a jaded pessimist who's indifference to political and social issues was a welcome insulation against all the static that these topics carry with them.

But if I think hard about it, I can't think of any subject upon which I have an opinion that I won't defend if the chance arrives, unless its through either a lack of time, or simple laziness.

Like a lot of the conservativesI know, I often just dismiss matters that I don't care or understand about with a 'why should I care' attitude. For me, its the willingness to accept the need to understand that defines our better qualities in life. Strength of convictions is admirable, but only if you're right, and frankly how many people do you know that are always right?


jenreiautter



Hmm... I guess I've given up baiting vegetarians, especially after I discovered that red meat makes my stomch 'bubble'...

I didn't mean to imply that I'm only friends with people who agree with me. I think jenreiautter put it better than I did:



I don't feel the need to point out to people the contradictions in their words any more. They usually aren't very well informed. Not everyone has the advantage of hearing many sides of an issue like those of us at AD.

--> I've given up on expecting my wife to keep our place clean 24/7 Some people call me a neat-freak, and maybe I am, I don't know. I used to spend a minimum of 30 minutes just picking things up when I got home from work. It caused countless arguments and I decided it just wasn't worth it. She is the opposite of me in this respect -- a messy packrat.

--> I've given up talking politics or debating with people anywhere else but AD. You just can't have a good experience with it anywhere else -- too many trolls starting flamewars and venting their angst on unsuspecting posters.

--> I've given up completely on social networking sites (orkut, ryze, etc). At first I thought I might get some kind of value out of these -- meet new people, find people for activities etc. However, I have learned that most people don't want to actually get out and do anything, they'd prefer just to sit online and interact at that level. That's fine I suppose, but it doesn't help me find a consistent hiking or cycling partner or help me break into some of the other sports I have been wanting to try like sea kyacking or wind surfing.

religion. while I am adamant in my agnostic pantheistic beliefs, I feel it is nearly useless to try debate and arguing with people about god. much of what people use for evidence of god's existence for instance is, in my opinion, simply propaganda. you ask christians to prove god exists and they start quoting scripture as if that is some sort of objective source I can't seem to understand this logic. if I were arguing in favor of communism (as I've been known to do ) and wanted to prove stalin was a good leader (he wasn't IMHO) I wouldn't use official soviet sources saying so!! another thing with godists is they, and paticularly fundamentalist evangelical christians, think that we heathen atheists (which is often everyone but them) are trying to usher in a new dark ages with modern science and separation of religious and state matters, seemingly forgetting that the dark ages of europe happened while the church was in control. I also can't stand they're distortion of history, such as saying that america was a christian nation and we need god back in the schools, courts and state houses. (then we have the question of WHICH god!)

so in short, I try to stay away from debating religion and god, as it often degenerates into an argument ending with the condemnation of my soul the hades.

On AD, I don't don't often give up on debate, I typically say what I think and respond to whatever comes from it. However, sometimes I do simply give up. It was moif that said it best for me:



(For the record, this in NOT referring to anyone inparticular so lets keep the drama to a minimum )

In my personal life however, I gave up a significant fight. I gave up on trying to change the GOP and I gave up on trying to get others I know in the GOP to hold those elected accountable. Years back I gave up on the Democrats for the same reason. It just took me a little longer with the GOP.

It does still bother me. It bothers me because there are so many sheep in both parties. People willing to vote for candidates that are simply not good enough because of a irrational fear that to vote for someone else would give the election to the other party and thus the world would end.

It also bothers me because I have, on occasion entertained to possibility of running for office. I was asked to once when I still lived in New Jersey and I declined, but the thought never really died in my mind.

Now, as an Independent, I know my chances are about zero, at least until people realize that the irrational fear I mentioned above is slowing corrupting the process and causing more and more harm to the country.

I'd like to find a way to get more Americans to Vote and get more Voters to Vote for who best represents their beliefs, rather then the lesser of two evils. I'd also like to find a way to get those who are in third parties, to stop using their third party status as a excuse not to consider other ideologies, ideas, or any form of compromise. Perhaps, if hey focused a little more on the election process rather then ideological purity they might have a better shot.

Politics used to be the art of compromise. Now, with crutch phrases like: "for the children", "I voted against it because it didn't go far enough", "they want to destroy ( fill in with: business, the environment, the wealthy, labor, or whatever else)" we have lost compromise in politics. Americans used to be best represented when the congress was evenly divided and the ideologues on both sides where forced to compromise and move to the middle to accomplish anything. Now, they would rather accomplish nothing, than compromise and take a chance on the other guys getting some credit. It's despicable, but it is what national politics has become thanks to all the right wing and left wing pundants, commentators and "journalists" in America.

If we could just get other parties into the game then maybe we could get these ideological mountains to budge a little. Right now, all we have is the choice between one wrong ideological extreme or the other.