I wish I could paste this picture here. A perfectly positioned blanket, for a perfectly awful campaign. Good looking horse, though...

Jib Jab's year in review

http://someofmybestfriendsareamerican.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7...=Iraq&hl=en

(the light side of the resistance)

Troop Morale Boosted By Surprise Visit From First Dog

I'm glad Barney is tending to the emotional needs of our troops. A true patriotic...dog!

Dilbert's take on our election choices

For all the money spent on the campaigns, how come we always end up with such poor choices. I guess $1 billion doesn't buy what it used to.

Connecticut Apologizes...Texas Off the Hook!

If Next pic comes up look at #9.

Art Imitating Life

Can't remember where I heard this, but :

Q: What is the correct pronunciation of the President of Iran's last name?

A: I'm on a Jihad.

Silly me. I thought all this time it was "I'm in need of a jihad".

This had me rolling

Shelley Teh Republican

Found this on a gamer's board.

Political cartoonists weigh in on Barack Obamania

Due to all the lawsuits in the news these days.
Dedicated to certain atheists who seem determined to make us look like we're insane by filing stupid lawsuit after lawsuit over the dumbest things, Take it from an agnostic, guys relax already,


An aetheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the
bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up
but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Aetheist cried out: "Oh my God!..." Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't
exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?"

The aetheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord Amen."

OK, another not-really-a-joke, but this tickled my funny bone:

I see a new charity - "Socks for Pols"

Ah, If only Sandy Berger had holes in his socks...

There seems to be a lot of buzz about both the Oscar nominees and the potential presidential nominess, so I entertained myself with a bit of both.

I was just going through youtube when I found this old but still hilarious Dutch commercial featuring Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton voodoo commercial

Hillary Clinton was spending the morning at a primary school in
Ithaca, New York to talk to the children about her job as a US Senator.

After her talk, she offered question time. One little boy puts up
his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions:
First - Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed
the office?
And third - Whatever happened to all the stuff you and President
Clinton took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rang for recess.

Hillary Clinton informed the kids that they would continue after
recess.

When they resumed, Hillary said, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's
right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy raised his hand; the esteemed Senator from
New York pointed him out and asked him what his name is.

"Larry."

"And what is your question?"

"I have five questions:
First - Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed
the office?
Third - Whatever happened to all the stuff you and President
Clinton took when you left the White House?
Fourth - Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth - What happened to Kenneth?"

GWoT Flowchart

Lesly, are you sure that's a joke?

I believe that might be a direct copy of the actual plan.

Out The Window

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

PWND

http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d154/dyn...ved20Cat201.jpg





LMAO!!!!! That is IT! DING DING DING! We have us a WINNER! LMAO

Last week was the week that was and unfortunately still is.

http://info.detnews.com/wrightoon/details.cfm?id=772

The best President Bush impersonator:

John Morgan and Wife = George and Laura

I'ts in Flash, might require Flash install. Depends on what you're running.

credit goes to StanW.

George W. Bush's Resume

George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
Washington, D.C. 20500

Past Work Experience

Ran for congress and lost.
Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
Accomplishments in Previous Positions

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments As President

Attacked and took over two countries.
Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.
After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.
Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.
Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.
Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.
My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).
First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.
First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.
First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.
Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.
Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.
First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.
Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).
With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'
Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.
In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.
Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)
AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
Source: Kelley Kramer

Link

OMG Looms... you're killing me!

From Wertz's blog, NO COMMENT. I agree.

The Long Arm of the Law

Dear Friends:

I have the distinguished honor of being named to the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to George W. Bush. I am contacting you in hopes you will be willing to contribute to this noble cause. But first, a little about what the committee has been doing to date.

We originally wanted to put him on Mount Rushmore until we discovered that there was not enough room for two more faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of George in the Washington, DC Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest republican of all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, decimated the well-being of the majority of the population while he was there, and did it all on someone else's money.

Thank you.

George W. Bush Monument Committee

The Committee has raised $1.35 so far; so please be generous.

In their day, both Albert Einstein and will Rogers were much revered and often recommended by their admirers for president of the United States. Einstein said his worst mistake was saying there should be a special new term added to his General Theory of Relativity equations of gravitation. What would Will Rogers have said his greatest mistake was?

Answer: It would have been his saying "All I know is what I read in the newspapers!"

Here's a hilarious video from MadTV called "The IRack from Apple.

Mad TV iRack Apple Iraq war parody

Red State update

This isn't political, but I thought it was so funny, I had to share it.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to
pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and
reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply
accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut
down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by
a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to
let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed
hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all
over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

How do you read a "political" newspaper?

Answer 1: From back to front and fine print to bold print. That's the only route to reliable truth!

Answer 2: The same way you read the funny papers.

Mac's new product seems revolutionary the iRACK.
It's amazing!

This is a POLITICAL joke topic.

The Rules clearly forbid:

§B. Prohibited Items
I. Inflammatory or hateful comments related to race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or age.


Let's keep it that way please.



Mike

A friend recently sent me this one:

Zamboni vs. F-22 Raptor

Seems that former President William J. Clinton has been seen with Italian supermodel, Aprile Pazzo, on several occasions. When asked about the relationship, former President Clinton responded:

"What I did in the White House wasn't so wrong, and if I had a chance to do it again, it'd be with Aprile and not in the same place, and she wouldn't be wearing a blue dress."

Ms. Pazzo responded in Itallian, which loosely translates to: "Blue is not my color, and who wears clothes while having sex anyway? Is that an American thing or what? Do you shower that way? What is wrong with you people?"

Aprile Pazzo!

72 Virgins

I was cracking up when I read that on a train ride...


I read this one in the WSJ recently:

Roger Ailes Fake News Items:

It is true that Barack Obama is on the move. It is not true that President Bush called Musharraf and asked, "Why can't we catch this guy?"

A great audio clip about the nation's fixation with Obama.

Hillary Interrupted-MadTV

There is a cure for both global warming and the population explosion!

It's called Nuclear Winter and it both cools and depopulates.

But first you have to start a war with a "Weapons of Mass Destruction" theme.

Well, I've been thinking.... that the current debate in Congress and the White House (collectively speaking) boils down to one cliche known to many who worked with old IBM compatibles.....

"Abort, Retry, Fail?"

Not sure if this one has been on the thread yet:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to
> recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from
> "Miffed" to "Peeved."
> Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet
> again to "Irritated" or
> even "A Bit Cross."
>
> Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
> blitz in 1940 when tea
> supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
> re-categorized from
> "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time
> the British issued a
> "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
> fire of 1666.
>
> Also the French government announced yesterday that
> it has raised its
> terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only
> two higher levels in
> France are "Surrender" and Collaborate." The rise
> was precipitated by a
> recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
> factory, effectively
> paralyzing the country's military capability.
>
> It's not only the English and French that are on a
> heightened level of
> alert. Italy has increased the alert level from
> "Shout Loudly and
> Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two
> more levels remain.
> "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans also increased their alert state from
> "Disdainful Arrogance"
> to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
> also have two higher
> levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as
> usual, and the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of
> Brussels.
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new
> submarines ready to deploy.
> These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms
> so the new Spanish
> navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
> navy.
>
>

What's the most distorted typo or misquote of any recent public persons?

It was Hillary's answer to the question (e.g. book Hell to Pay), "What do you most want to do?, which was, "I want to run something". It should have been "I want to ruin something."

The liberal media's neoliberal recipe for failure in Iraq. Damn you, liberal media!

(via The Agonist)