Full Version: The new political joke thread
QUOTE(Jobius @ Dec 31 2007, 11:08 AM) 
Please take a moment before midnight tonight, and support this brilliant plan by the Only Man Who Can Save America, RON PAUL!!!11!!ONE
This whole slavery thing will probably end anyway
excellent.I'm in.
Overheard on Leno last night 1/16/08.
“Did you all hear that scientist have made a rats heart in a lab? Well, that should make Cheney happy”.
“Did you all hear that scientist have made a rats heart in a lab? Well, that should make Cheney happy”.
I found a lot of this hilarious (if a bit sad): New Bush Coins. Some of it's a bit obvious, but there are a lot of fun details.
QUOTE(Wertz @ Jan 19 2008, 03:03 PM)
I found a lot of this hilarious (if a bit sad): New Bush Coins. Some of it's a bit obvious, but there are a lot of fun details.
100% depleted uranium
QUOTE(AuthorMusician @ Jan 19 2008, 01:37 PM)
QUOTE(Wertz @ Jan 19 2008, 03:03 PM)
I found a lot of this hilarious (if a bit sad): New Bush Coins. Some of it's a bit obvious, but there are a lot of fun details.
100% depleted uranium
Sadly tainted by 9/11 Trooferism (Dick Cheney supposedly standing down the air defenses on 9/11). At least they didn't put Marvin Bush on a coin for "running security at the World Trade Center"...
Bill Clinton has a dream: Link
Not mine but thought it was funny.. From a poster at DU.
Help pick Hillary's new Campaign Slogan:
Hope is for Peasants
From my Cold, Dead Hands
I'm in it to Pay Back my Campaign Debts!
Yeah, I know what I said but, technically, it's not Day One yet
Did We Mention He's Black?
Bill Who?
It's not Plagiarism when I do it.
** Not Valid In IA, SC, ME, AK, CO, CT, DE, ID, GA, IL, KS, MN, MS, ND, UT, LA, NE, DC, MD, VA, HI, or WI
Help pick Hillary's new Campaign Slogan:
Hope is for Peasants
From my Cold, Dead Hands
I'm in it to Pay Back my Campaign Debts!
Yeah, I know what I said but, technically, it's not Day One yet
Did We Mention He's Black?
Bill Who?
It's not Plagiarism when I do it.
** Not Valid In IA, SC, ME, AK, CO, CT, DE, ID, GA, IL, KS, MN, MS, ND, UT, LA, NE, DC, MD, VA, HI, or WI
Not sure if this has been posted, I appologize if it has.OxyClinton
QUOTE(scubatim @ Feb 23 2008, 05:48 PM)
Not sure if this has been posted, I appologize if it has.OxyClinton
LMAO.... Is that Laura Ingraham as "the doctor"?
The Onion weighs in on Obama's speech: Black Guy Asks Nation for Change
I saw a funny bumper sticker. It said something like this:
"Vote for Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife"
"Vote for Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife"
Jeffrey Ross
John McCain is so old that running for President is on his bucket list.
Seth Meyers
During a "Weekend Update" segment about Eliot Spitzer: And you wanted to have sex with a hooker but you didn't want to wear a condom? Really?!? That might not be scary if you were client number 1, but you were client number 9. I wear a condom if I'm ninth in line at the deli.
Marc Maron
It's significant Barack Obama is running. I think it's important for black people to have a chance to be misrepresented by one of their own.
John McCain is so old that running for President is on his bucket list.
Seth Meyers
During a "Weekend Update" segment about Eliot Spitzer: And you wanted to have sex with a hooker but you didn't want to wear a condom? Really?!? That might not be scary if you were client number 1, but you were client number 9. I wear a condom if I'm ninth in line at the deli.
Marc Maron
It's significant Barack Obama is running. I think it's important for black people to have a chance to be misrepresented by one of their own.
Not political but still funny . . .
A college student's car refuses to start on the day he has to hand in an important paper by 3 PM. He takes the bus and arives at 3:05. The professor has a stack of papers on his desk and from behind them refuses the student's paper. The student says in a damanding voice:
"Do you know just who I am?!"
The professor shakes his head.
The student says, "Good," and slides his paper into the middle of the stack.
A college student's car refuses to start on the day he has to hand in an important paper by 3 PM. He takes the bus and arives at 3:05. The professor has a stack of papers on his desk and from behind them refuses the student's paper. The student says in a damanding voice:
"Do you know just who I am?!"
The professor shakes his head.
The student says, "Good," and slides his paper into the middle of the stack.
A fun spin on Obama http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKgp3bxY5EU
Here's a funny new blog that recently(ish) popped up: Things Younger Than John McCain.
My favorites:
Alaska
Pat Buchanan
SPAM
My favorites:
Alaska
Pat Buchanan
SPAM
Dead-on Hillary Clinton impression and funny sketches: That Hillary Show.
Two alligators were relaxing in the swamp talking. The smaller one turned to
the bigger one and said,
"I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me.
We're the same age, and we was the same size as kids. I just don't get
it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?"
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.
"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"
"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up into one of them Lexus and wait fer one to open
the car door.
Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat
'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't
gettin' any real nourishment." "See, by the time you get done shakin'
the crap out of a Politician,
there ain't nothin' left but an butthole *** NOTICE: THIS WORD IS AGAINST THE RULES. FAILURE TO REMOVE IT WILL RESULT IN A STRIKE. *** and a briefcase!"
the bigger one and said,
"I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me.
We're the same age, and we was the same size as kids. I just don't get
it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?"
"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.
"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"
"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up into one of them Lexus and wait fer one to open
the car door.
Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat
'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't
gettin' any real nourishment." "See, by the time you get done shakin'
the crap out of a Politician,
there ain't nothin' left but an butthole *** NOTICE: THIS WORD IS AGAINST THE RULES. FAILURE TO REMOVE IT WILL RESULT IN A STRIKE. *** and a briefcase!"
A reading from the Obama Scriptures for June 5, 2008. http://www.liberalrapture.com/2008/06/reading.html
Is this how it will be with McCain's proposed debates with Obama?
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/johnmcc...imself.-2rV.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/johnmcc...imself.-2rV.htm
QUOTE(Jaime @ May 13 2008, 12:39 PM)
Here's a funny new blog that recently(ish) popped up: Things Younger Than John McCain.
My favorites:
Alaska
Pat Buchanan
SPAM
My favorites:
Alaska
Pat Buchanan
SPAM
Age discrimination. Not pretty....
A 2007 2008 bumper sticker:
I WISH HILLARY WOULD HAVE MARRIED OJ.
Heck, why didn't Hillary AND Obama marry OJ?
QUOTE(Zack @ Jun 5 2008, 03:17 PM)
A reading from the Obama Scriptures for June 5, 2008. http://www.liberalrapture.com/2008/06/reading.html
That might earn a "Worst Person in the World" award by our esteemed Keith Olberman.
There is an endless supply of McCain cartoons.
Foot-inMouth
BTW: Amlord, who gets the "Worst Person's Award" - the blog that produce the bit or the
member who posted it? You didn't say. 
Foot-inMouth
BTW: Amlord, who gets the "Worst Person's Award" - the blog that produce the bit or the
member who posted it? You didn't say.
Two Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine. "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?"
"This spitting in shoes and p------ in Cokes?"
THE FEW
THE PROUD
THE MARINES
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine. "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?"
"This spitting in shoes and p------ in Cokes?"
THE FEW
THE PROUD
THE MARINES
QUOTE(Amlord @ Jun 5 2008, 04:19 PM)
QUOTE(Zack @ Jun 5 2008, 03:17 PM)
A reading from the Obama Scriptures for June 5, 2008. http://www.liberalrapture.com/2008/06/reading.html
That might earn a "Worst Person in the World" award by our esteemed Keith Olberman.
It seems like animation has become one of the great tools of political satire. They have already started, but undoubtedly will become better.
Here's one called Straight Talk Eggspress.
Here's one called Straight Talk Eggspress.
Remember when wearing your hair a certain way made sort of a political statement?
Well, now it has all gone to the dogs! (and other critters):
I dunno, it's kinda cute!
Well, now it has all gone to the dogs! (and other critters):
I dunno, it's kinda cute!
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Oklahoma rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.'
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb_ _ _ put him up there.'
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.'
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb_ _ _ put him up there.'
From the Colbert Report, 6/12/2008:
A CNN report, 6/3/2008, on Obama reaching out to American Indians: "Obama was given a Crow Indian name, which means, "One Who Helps People Throughout the Land."
Quipped Colbert, "I assume that land is Iran."
"Senator McCain also has an Indian name: "One Who Helps People With an Income Above $200,000."
A CNN report, 6/3/2008, on Obama reaching out to American Indians: "Obama was given a Crow Indian name, which means, "One Who Helps People Throughout the Land."
Quipped Colbert, "I assume that land is Iran."
"Senator McCain also has an Indian name: "One Who Helps People With an Income Above $200,000."
Watch out for Butch he's running for office
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all !
John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.
The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfro Valley County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...
The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well!
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making:
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year...The bells are not always audible !
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all !
John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.
The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfro Valley County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...
The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well!
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making:
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year...The bells are not always audible !
Hope no one has told this one. While visiting The Pope, George Bush and The Pope go on a cruise. A strong wind knocks The Pope's hat into the sea. Bush jumps overboard and walks on the ocean and retrieves The Pope's hat. The next day newspaper headlines all around read
George W. Bush Doesn't Know How To Swim!!
George W. Bush Doesn't Know How To Swim!!
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