While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to
do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, cavi ar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises ..

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before,
I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags
as more trash falls from above...

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says.......

'Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.'

This one made me laugh out loud:

Alfred Packer Was A REPUBLICAN! Ate five Democrats.

There is very little that'll make me drive to Denver (about 80 miles away), not even the Democratic National Convention. But maybe some of those flatlanders will be coming by here to gawk at Colorado Springs and its bajillion Christian organizations, then up to Pikes Peak to get rained on and maybe hit by lightning, then over to this little town for some genuine Rocky Mountain chain-restaurant Mexican (sort of) food. I recommend Jo Mama's for decent Italian. Do the Circle H for down-home up-mountain BBQ 'n burgers. Check out Buck's for redneck watching. We even have an independent coffee house with live music. Plus two Starbucks, so the visit won't be too traumatic. Except maybe for that lightning on the Peak.

Remember to use low gear coming off the Peak. Hot brakes fail and gravity sucks.

Ad for the Mainstream Media

I have to admit that, when I saw those blue screens behind McCain, I was thinking of how someone could make some video-editing trouble. But this is really a special piece of work on so many levels.

McCain Gets Barack-Rolled

PS - If you aren't getting the funny, google "rickroll" or something.

Change You an Believe In

Take a load off, Fanny.

Haw haw haw. Heeelarious.

waiting not always fun.

http://www.cfif.org/htdocs/freedomline/car...orner/index.php

Pit bull mom action figure!

This was posted as a comment at TPM Café and I haven't been able to find a reference to it anywhere else on teh internets, so I'm assuming it's political humor. Actually, I'm hoping it's political humor...

Putin Asserts Election of Sarah Palin Would Justify Russia’s Implementation of the Bush Doctrine

In a remarkable example of a foreign politician inserting himself into another nation’s election, Vladimir Putin today shot a warning across the bow of the American electorate by claiming the mere victory of the McCain-Palin ticket would justify a Russian preventive strike against America.

“I’ve heard her words, watched her on the teevee, and I’ve looked into her soul – she’s dangerous. What’s more, any man willing to put her so close to power is frighteningly disconnected from the rational world,” Putin said during an interview with the Russian news agency Tass. The Russian leader’s harsh assessment came on the heels of an interview Palin gave to Charlie Gibson of ABC News where when pressed if the US would go to war with Russia to protect Georgia were that country part of NATO, Palin replied, “Perhaps.”

“Her ignorance in any position of power constitutes a weapon of mass destruction,” Putin surmised. “With the United States so close to reaching that fusion of power and stupidity, Russia would have no choice but to intervene as a matter of self-defense.”

Ad full of awesome!

Edit: Palin and Clinton SNL skit

Obama's gmail account hacked.
You have to click on "interactive feature" for the full lulz.

The funniest line in that story:





and



That was good!

and

Dear ELI,

I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU!

Nice one Barry!

I appologize if this has already been posted:

http://sayanythingblog.com/entry/friday_fu...n_an_escalator/

Many of you have probably seen this, but I wanted to post it for the record.

David Letterman on McCain’s Campaign Suspension

K.M. Breay posted a frighteningly accurate "transcript" of the Palin-Couric interview at Open Salon. It's not long, but here's a taste:

We liberals just don't understand Palin's brilliance, but I've just been shown the light. Palin actually does well in interviews - she simply speaks in poetic form.

Palin Poetry Hour

I also thought this interview with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart was pretty funny.

My daughter got a kick out of this one. I'm sure it has been around a long time:

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the
pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your
behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything moredangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wishto carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you,like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyondyour borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the
Queen!

PS: Go ahead and share this with your friends in the USA (those with a good sense of humour and NOT humor.)

I think this part of this csmonitor an article about the first debate qualifies, even though while it was never intended as a joke as such, it was most surely intended to be funny. The last line.




on england vs. America:
When asked to name three differences between England and America, Monthy Pythons John Cleese said:
- When WE meet our head of state, we only have to go down on one knee.
- We speak English and you don't
- When WE have a world championship in a sport, we invite other countries.

Found a simple tool that will help us all end the debate on who killed the economy..March Madness style! HERE

And this is just one heck of a funny picture.

A Mike Peters cartoon nearly made me snort coffee out my nose this morning (I can't find the actual cartoon, but I'll paraphrase):

Newscaster: "The latest study by gays finds that Republicans can change their orientation through counseling."

The Mike Peters cartoon can be seen here.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses, and all the king's men
didn't bankrupt the country and devaluate the currency putting the shifty bastard together again.

By some guy named Church.

I think.

http://palinquotes.sillycloud.com/

Hard to tell fact from fiction!

Hilarious Sarah Palin facebook page spoof (PROFANITY)

Speaking of debates:

Click Here

If the link changes tomorrow, click Oct 1.

This one also has profanity, but they are comics (largely) and have First Amendment rights:

Get Out The Vote by reverse psychology

AM: Colbert did it better with Colbert Teen Talk: Voter Abstinence

And what I came to post: Biden rehearses for V.P. debate with Granholm

New hedge fund start up.

http://strategerycapital.com/

:::::::

Sarah Palin debate flowchart and amateur hour.

An absolutly hysterical must-see: SNL's parody of the VP debate with Tina Fey as Palin, Jason Sedekis (sp?) and Queen Latifah* as Gwen Ifill:

SNL VP Debate spoof

*who showed more inclination to moderate than did the actual moderator!

Cleric issues fatwa against the president of Pakistan for flirting with Palin.



Wait! This isn't from The Onion!

Top 10 voicemail messages for Sarah Palin

10. Hi, it's John McCain; I had to go to bed. How'd it go?
9. Hi, Katie Couric here. Have you thought of a Supreme Court case yet?
8. Hi, it's Bill Clinton. Let me know when Todd's out of town.
7. My name is Joseph Sixpack -- knock it off.
6. Hi, Katie Couric again -- think of any newspapers yet?
5. Buy the Late Show Fun Facts book. It's a bridge to hilarity.
4. John McCain again. Could you pick up my prescriptions?
3. Senator Larry Craig here. Do you have Joe Biden's phone number?
2. McCain again. Do you remember where I parked the Straight Talk Express?
1. It's President Bush. If you're at the debate, who's watchin' Russia?

::::::::::::::

Checks and balances, Palin-Cheney style.

For those who didn't watch it, Daily Show greatness on the passage on the Bailout Bill.

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL ...LMAO




LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Already, Obama supporters are capitalizing on McCain's "that one" comment (they even have t-shirts! )

That One 08

This is EPIC FAIL to the extreme

At an Obama/Biden stump in Fla the announcer introduces the next VP of the United States as... John McCain!!! No really.

Fail on so many levels

The Sarah Palin debate response flow chart.

Not precisely political, but certainly a current event joke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you had purchased $1,000 of AIG stock one year ago, you would have $42 left.
With Lehman, you would have $6.60 left.
With Fannie or Freddie, you would have less than $5 left.
But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of
the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you
would have had $214.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg...

An additional benefit would be that you'd have a nice thick layer of flab to insulate you through the winter when you can't afford to turn on the heating. Hey, it works for bears...

"old joke"

John McCain, Hilary Clinton, and Barack Obama are sitting in a boat and it's sinking. who is saved?

The U.S.

That's funnier'n hell...except for the fact that it is so true!

Banktron to the rescue!

John McCain and Barack Obama both told some funny jokes at last night's Alfred E. Smith dinner. (Barack needs to work on his delivery, though.)

McCain: part 1, part 2.

Obama: part 1, part 2.

I love this kind of thing: Palin As President. A new item is added daily (through November 4), so it sorta works like an advent calendar. I think I've identified 31 34 36 "events" so far (many of them audio - some random, some clickable).

EDITED AFTER RE-VISITS

Some blogger made this animated gif and I cracked up.

Tasty Meal?

Joe the What?

A comment on a news story today in the Denver Post:



Original Story - must be all in our heads

Yep, Depends it is.

I saw that and the Jokes they made were in fact very funny. I thought the part where McCain jokingly tried to build up Obama's performance was hilarious. Obama's comments about those Greek columns gave me the chuckles as well. Its good to see them act like a couple human beings there instead of the walking campaign ad's we've become use to lately.

Since you posted those, here is something else I found funny in politics recently........ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz3WR-Xzp30

This is Bill O'Reilly on The View just recently and I couldn't stop laughing. O'riley walks onto one of the most liberal shows on television with complete confidence to debate politics and the election and for the most part everyone in the room seems to have a good time. Bill O'Reilly cracks jokes on Barbara Walters and Joy Behar, they crack jokes on him and from my seat he got as much of a positive response from that studio as Joy and Barbara did, and while I admit I'm not a regular watcher of that show, I have seen some conservatives take their chances on that show and Ive never seen this type of atmosphere before with a conservative guest on The View. McCain for example got a lukewarm treatment on The View at best. Conservative member of The View Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the obvious exception to the left leaning political debating on this show, and the only exception on that show, but she seems soft spoken most of the time and certainly outnumbered.

Anyway O'Reilly gives his opinion on their recent show with John McCain in the clip above, and makes it funny, take a look its worth a laugh.

Jon Swift: Great Moments in Election-Year Blogging

I don't know if any of you follow liberal bloggers, but Larry Johnson's reaction to Obama's likely nomination was an epic meltdown. It goes to show that even a spot-on intelligence analyst can succumb to irrational behavior when he sticks to his ideological guns.

::::::::::::::::::::

ELLE OH ELLE

im ur wilul kat, an ur ned tu fed mi darg, git it on eh?

Men always have gotten into trouble for having, as Jimmy Carter put it, "looked at many women with lust". So what else is new? Usually the trouble comes from other women though, not from a guy with a beard.