Full Version: The new political joke thread
Okaay...
Here are some more Bolton Cartoons. Scroll down to August 1. There are three of them.
More Bolton Cartoons
Here are some more Bolton Cartoons. Scroll down to August 1. There are three of them.
More Bolton Cartoons
Other "standard background check" questions that the New York Times is pursuing regarding Judge Roberts
highlights:
highlights:
QUOTE
Conservatives, who hate freedom, want nothing more than to “get their hands on women’s uteruses"; therefore, it stands to reason that John Roberts—a conservative—might very well have a vat-full of uteri tucked away somewhere. Is the Judge willing to open any safety deposit boxes and/or storage units to clear himself of charges of uterus hording?
...
Can Judge Roberts account for his whereabouts on the night Natalee disappeared?
...
“Josie" Roberts: well behaved little girl? or Rovian-engineered android (Eisenhower’s America™ model)...?
...
Can Judge Roberts account for his whereabouts on the night Natalee disappeared?
...
“Josie" Roberts: well behaved little girl? or Rovian-engineered android (Eisenhower’s America™ model)...?
Here's a new version of Animal farm. With a Southwestern Twist. Maybe!
http://www.3dweb.no/galleri/stuestolbm/bilder/anim1.swf
http://www.3dweb.no/galleri/stuestolbm/bilder/anim1.swf
QUOTE
"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore."
Juan Cole
How to tell if your cow is sane.....or mad. 
http://viswiz.imk.fraunhofer.de/~steffi/madcow/madcow.htm
http://viswiz.imk.fraunhofer.de/~steffi/madcow/madcow.htm
A few political cartooons having to do with the Cindy Sheehan story...
Uncle Dicky save me!! Save me!!
Darn those gay marines
My daughters are better then yours
Alert the guards a mother of a dead solider
Is she gone yet?
And... poking a little fun at the Kansas School Board.
Uncle Dicky save me!! Save me!!
Darn those gay marines
My daughters are better then yours
Alert the guards a mother of a dead solider
Is she gone yet?
And... poking a little fun at the Kansas School Board.
This will give y'all a good chuckle...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...rrywheaties.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...ebatefrench.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...rybunnysuit.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...teletubbies.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...errymunster.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...wardsgayduo.htm
Have a great day...
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...rrywheaties.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...ebatefrench.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...rybunnysuit.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...teletubbies.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...errymunster.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/im...wardsgayduo.htm
Have a great day...
This isn't a joke in the traditional sense but I read through this list of quotes and found it highly amusing. I figured some of you would too. These statements were all made when Clinton committed troops to Bosnia:
It certainly is funny how history repeats itself again and again and again and only the players change roles. There has to be a good Shakespeare quote there somewhere to describe it.
QUOTE
"You can support the troops but not the president."
--Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
"Well, I just think it's a bad idea. What's going to happen is they're going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years."
--Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
"Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their life?"
--Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99
"[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military might on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will cost. And he has not informed our nation's armed forces about how long they will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound foreign policy."
--Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
"American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign policy."
--Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
"If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy."
--Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush
"I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . I didn't think we had done enough in the diplomatic area."
--Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)
"I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our over-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today"
--Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is."
--Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)
--Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
"Well, I just think it's a bad idea. What's going to happen is they're going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years."
--Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
"Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their life?"
--Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99
"[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military might on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will cost. And he has not informed our nation's armed forces about how long they will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound foreign policy."
--Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
"American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign policy."
--Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
"If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy."
--Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush
"I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . I didn't think we had done enough in the diplomatic area."
--Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)
"I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our over-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today"
--Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is."
--Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)
It certainly is funny how history repeats itself again and again and again and only the players change roles. There has to be a good Shakespeare quote there somewhere to describe it.
Victory is... another cartoon by Mark Fiore.
Given the rapid rise in gasoline prices, I find not a little ironic humor in this election campaign ad.
Antique Cars
Click launch, but you'll have to endure a short commercial before the show starts.
Antique Cars
Click launch, but you'll have to endure a short commercial before the show starts.
It's not really a political joke but I love it anyway...
QUOTE
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these three elements:
- religion
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
- religion
- sex
- mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
"My God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
I thought this was humorous:
Top 11 awkward moments during Dubya's bicycle ride with Lance Armstrong.
11. Armstrong arrived with his buddy John Kerry.
10. Everyone had to wait while the President finished shaving his legs.
9. Armstrong's frequent coasting prompted demand from Dubya to switch bikes.
8. Bush singing "All I Want to Do Is Have Some Fun," interrupted by Armstrong humming, "You're My Favorite Mistake."
7. Crawford neighbor Larry Mattlage's penchant for firing his shotgun gave Lance a Greg LeMond moment.
6. The first time Dubya fell, Lance didn't know about the "when the President falls, everybody falls" protocol and kept on riding.
5. Bush's assurance to Armstrong that he would put the "war on cancer" on the list right after Iran and Syria.
4. Skipped Presidential Daily Briefing from CIA to take another loop.
3. When the going got tough, Dubya refused to lead, preferring to draft.
2. Armstrong passed his drug test.
1. Lance stopped to talk to Cindy Sheehan for an hour and finished the ride with a four minute lead.
Top 11 awkward moments during Dubya's bicycle ride with Lance Armstrong.
11. Armstrong arrived with his buddy John Kerry.
10. Everyone had to wait while the President finished shaving his legs.
9. Armstrong's frequent coasting prompted demand from Dubya to switch bikes.
8. Bush singing "All I Want to Do Is Have Some Fun," interrupted by Armstrong humming, "You're My Favorite Mistake."
7. Crawford neighbor Larry Mattlage's penchant for firing his shotgun gave Lance a Greg LeMond moment.
6. The first time Dubya fell, Lance didn't know about the "when the President falls, everybody falls" protocol and kept on riding.
5. Bush's assurance to Armstrong that he would put the "war on cancer" on the list right after Iran and Syria.
4. Skipped Presidential Daily Briefing from CIA to take another loop.
3. When the going got tough, Dubya refused to lead, preferring to draft.
2. Armstrong passed his drug test.
1. Lance stopped to talk to Cindy Sheehan for an hour and finished the ride with a four minute lead.
Just life sustaining essentials here? Click here for punchline.
Last week I bought Bill Maher’s most recent book New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer. I decided to type out six jokes for your enjoyment.
QUOTE
George Bush must stop saying he owes all his success to Laura. George Bush owes all his success to his daddy, his daddy’s friends, trust funds, legacy admissions, the National Guard, the Supreme Court, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, and AA. Page 22
**********
QUOTE
Pat Robertson is insane. Just because he smiles and wears a nice suit doesn’t mean he’s any less a whack job than those wild eyed…nut bags who babble on street corners about Jesus through a bullhorn. And he’s getting desperate, because after you’ve agreed that the purple Teletubby is gay, where do you go? Page 44
**********
QUOTE
Bob Dylan must stop denying that he was the voice of a generation. Bob that’s not something you get to decide. It’s fate and you were it. If your generation could actually choose a voice, don’t you think they’d have picked one better than yours? Page 65
**********
QUOTE
Dye your moustache to match your toupee. You’re the new U. S. Ambassador to the UN, not manager of the month at Baskin-Robbins. Page 85
**********
QUOTE
No more serial killers with initials for nicknames, like the “bind, torture, kill” killer BTK. It’ll just encourage copycats., like “BLT,” who kills you and then has a nice sandwich. Or “KFC,” who kills you and then places your body parts in a bucket. Or “ADD,” who starts killing you but then loses interest. Or. “LBJ” who kills you while holding you up by the ears. Or “RSVP,” who plans to kill you, but then calls and says he can’t make it. Page 91
**********
QUOTE
The president must stop saying that Osama Bin Laden “can run but he can’t hide.” Boy, can he hide. We can’t find him with cruise missiles, satellites, or million dollar bribes—although, oddly enough, he is reachable through Classmates.com. Page 148
I thought this was pretty hilarious. If only it weren't so true. 
I just heard this classic folk song for the first time today.
QUOTE
Love Me, I'm a Liberal
By Phil Ochs
(Born 1940, died 1976)
I cried when they shot Medgar Evers
Tears ran down my spine
I cried when they shot Mr. Kennedy
As though I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcolm X got what was coming
He got what he asked for this time
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I go to civil rights rallies
And I put down the old D.A.R.
I love Harry and Sidney and Sammy
I hope every coloured boy becomes a star
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit too far
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I cheered when Humphrey was chosen
My faith in the system restored
I'm glad the commies were thrown out
of the AFL-CIO board
I love Puerto Ricans and Negros
as long as they don't move next door
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
The people of old Mississippi
Should all hang their heads in shame
I can't understand how their minds work
What's the matter don't they watch Les Crain?
But if you ask me to bus my children
I hope the cops take down your name
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I read New Republic and Nation
I've learned to take every view
You know, I've memorized Lerner and Golden
I feel like I'm almost a Jew
But when it comes to times like Korea
There's no one more red, white and blue
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I vote for the Democratic Party.
They want the U.N. to be strong
I go to all the Pete Seeger concerts
He sure gets me singing those songs
I'll send all the money you ask for
But don't ask me to come on along
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
Once I was young and impulsive
I wore every conceivable pin
Even went to the socialist meetings
Learned all the old union hymns
But I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
By Phil Ochs
(Born 1940, died 1976)
I cried when they shot Medgar Evers
Tears ran down my spine
I cried when they shot Mr. Kennedy
As though I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcolm X got what was coming
He got what he asked for this time
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I go to civil rights rallies
And I put down the old D.A.R.
I love Harry and Sidney and Sammy
I hope every coloured boy becomes a star
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit too far
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I cheered when Humphrey was chosen
My faith in the system restored
I'm glad the commies were thrown out
of the AFL-CIO board
I love Puerto Ricans and Negros
as long as they don't move next door
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
The people of old Mississippi
Should all hang their heads in shame
I can't understand how their minds work
What's the matter don't they watch Les Crain?
But if you ask me to bus my children
I hope the cops take down your name
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I read New Republic and Nation
I've learned to take every view
You know, I've memorized Lerner and Golden
I feel like I'm almost a Jew
But when it comes to times like Korea
There's no one more red, white and blue
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
I vote for the Democratic Party.
They want the U.N. to be strong
I go to all the Pete Seeger concerts
He sure gets me singing those songs
I'll send all the money you ask for
But don't ask me to come on along
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
Once I was young and impulsive
I wore every conceivable pin
Even went to the socialist meetings
Learned all the old union hymns
But I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal
The only joke here is that these moronic quotes are from people who were actually elected (well, most of them, anyway). 
25 Mind-Numbingly Stupid Quotes About Hurricane Katrina And Its Aftermath
Source
Be sure to check out the ones that didn't make the top 25. Some of our "finest 'murricans" have weighed in with gems like this:
25 Mind-Numbingly Stupid Quotes About Hurricane Katrina And Its Aftermath
Source
Be sure to check out the ones that didn't make the top 25. Some of our "finest 'murricans" have weighed in with gems like this:
QUOTE
"Judge Roberts can, maybe, you know, be thankful that a tragedy has brought him some good." –Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson, arguing that Supreme Court nominee John Roberts stands to benefit from Hurricane Katrina because "inflamed rhetoric in the United States Senate is just not going to play well now," Sept. 1, 2005
Someone just sent me this.
QUOTE
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.
This disease is contracted through dangerous, and high-risk behavior. The disease is called gonorrhea lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him.")
Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with gonorrhea lectim include, but are not limited to: anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for their actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado.
This disease is contracted through dangerous, and high-risk behavior. The disease is called gonorrhea lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him.")
Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with gonorrhea lectim include, but are not limited to: anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for their actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado.
Senator Ted Kennedy- (D) Massachusets - has been asked to testify at a pending Katrina Commision hearing as an expert witness.
Commitee staffers cited his personal experience in response times and rescue efforts regarding victims trapped below rapidly rising water levels.
Commitee staffers cited his personal experience in response times and rescue efforts regarding victims trapped below rapidly rising water levels.
I may be late coming to the party on this one, but go to Google, type in "failure" and hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.
Someone in the Whitehouse press office isn't really singing form the right hymnsheet, I suspect...
Someone in the Whitehouse press office isn't really singing form the right hymnsheet, I suspect...
Heard these two nuggets on Morning Sedition, in the "Marching Orders from the Streisand Compound":
"Find out the names of the next 5 hurricanes that haven't happened yet and blame Bush for not responding early enough."
"Concoct a drink in the French Quarter and name it after Mike Brown. Call it the 'delayed response'".
Doc
"Find out the names of the next 5 hurricanes that haven't happened yet and blame Bush for not responding early enough."
"Concoct a drink in the French Quarter and name it after Mike Brown. Call it the 'delayed response'".
Doc
Heh Mike, I used that site for like 2hrs :-P
Here's one I got in an e-mail:
QUOTE
BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.
"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."
The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.
"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it." The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.
"Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!"
However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans. "This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."
"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."
The money gained from 'T'he Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.
"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."
The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.
"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it." The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.
"Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!"
However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans. "This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."
"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."
The money gained from 'T'he Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.
Not sure if this qualifies as a political joke, but I figure Project Gutenberg supporters will find it amusing
Very subtle humor regarding our latest supreme court pick... Note that THIS IS NOT REAL!
QUOTE(Mike @ Mar 24 2005, 06:51 AM)
There were some database problems with the old political joke topic, and I had to close it.
The old topic is located here.
Please use this topic for all of your political jokes!
Mike
The old topic is located here.
Please use this topic for all of your political jokes!
Mike
Dubya Is Just a Four-Letter Word
Written by ME
Seems like many years ago,
I left my mind behind,
Somewhere down in Crawford,
I was wasted and destroyed my mind,
That's where I met my good pal Dick Cheney,
Who told me he owned oil refineries,
I could kiss him if not for my sexuality,
We would set oil, not people free,
By liberating billionaires and their money,
God assures,
Us that Dubya is just a four-letter word
Outside my ranch in Texas,
Sheehan sits there everyday,
She's better keep her mouth-shut, too,
Or she'll meet the CIA,
My experience was limited, but my Dad,
Was President, and voters had been had,
Those black folks off the rolls seemed awfully mad,
The Hurrycane refief, oops, that was my bad,
The tide's turned,
And they think Dubya is just a four-letter word
With my mistakes unnoticed,
And the media playing my games,
I can call any media liberal,
And the elites will be called names,
Searching for Fox News on my TV,
I feel comfort that they have Liddy and Hannity,
And give props to Rove's pal Scooter Libby,
They offer brain-deads like me sympathy,
We can be heard,
And say that Dubya is just a four-letter word
Though I never knew just what I meant,
When I was speaking to this land,
But I understand this much of it,
If you speak against me you are banned,
After lying enough times to pretend I know,
I say ban Air America Radio,
And newspapers and The Daily Show,
Who believe evolution started long ago,
But on this world God would bestow,
A leader who would give the world,
The bird,
And Dubya is just a four-letter word
Adapted from Bob Dylan's Love Is Just A Four-Letter Word
Ok, Im not sure this is a joke bit it is wierd, REAL, starring Bush and Laura, Andy Card, Karl Rove , Gonzalez and Harriet Miers amongst others. This is how the White House amuses itself apparently when not attending to the affairs of the nation.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/2004/barneycam004.v.html
So much for restoring dignity to the White House.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/2004/barneycam004.v.html
So much for restoring dignity to the White House.
Late night hosts are having a field day lately.
"Republican majority leader Tom DeLay was indicted and he was stripped of his congressional leadership powers. When asked what it feels like to lose all his power, DeLay said, 'I feel like a Democrat.'" –Conan O'Brien
"They shut down Pennsylvania Avenue because of a suspicious package, did you hear about that? Turns out it was just a big bag of laundered money for Tom DeLay." --David Letterman
"Today a Texas grand jury indicted House Majority Leader Tom DeLay for conspiracy in a campaign finance scheme. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Republicans since yesterday." --Jay Leno
"Tom DeLay is in a little bit of trouble. He says he didn't know that lobbying groups were illegally funding the trips he took all over the world. Don't you love this? When ever these guys are running for office they always tell us how smart they are, how knowledgeable they are, how they know what's going on. As soon as they get caught doing something wrong 'I'm an idiot. I didn't know what was going on.'" —-Jay Leno
"Republican majority leader Tom DeLay was indicted and he was stripped of his congressional leadership powers. When asked what it feels like to lose all his power, DeLay said, 'I feel like a Democrat.'" –Conan O'Brien
"They shut down Pennsylvania Avenue because of a suspicious package, did you hear about that? Turns out it was just a big bag of laundered money for Tom DeLay." --David Letterman
"Today a Texas grand jury indicted House Majority Leader Tom DeLay for conspiracy in a campaign finance scheme. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Republicans since yesterday." --Jay Leno
"Tom DeLay is in a little bit of trouble. He says he didn't know that lobbying groups were illegally funding the trips he took all over the world. Don't you love this? When ever these guys are running for office they always tell us how smart they are, how knowledgeable they are, how they know what's going on. As soon as they get caught doing something wrong 'I'm an idiot. I didn't know what was going on.'" —-Jay Leno
This was posted by one of my LiveJournal friends and I quite enjoyed it:
Moderator: We're here today to debate the hot new topic, Evolution versus Intelligent Des---
(Scientist pulls out baseball bat.)
Moderator: Hey, what are you doing?
(Scientist breaks Intelligent Design Advocate's kneecap.)
Intelligent Design Advocate: YEAAARRRRGGGHHHH! YOU BROKE MY KNEECAP!
Scientist: Perhaps it only appears that I broke your kneecap. Certainly, all the evidence points to the hypothesis I broke your kneecap. For example, your kneecap is broken; it appears to be a fresh wound; and I am holding a baseball bat, which is spattered with your blood. However, a mere preponderance of evidence doesn't mean anything. Perhaps your kneecap was designed that way. Certainly, there are some features of the current situation that are inexplicable according to the "naturalistic" explanation you have just advanced, such as the exact contours of the excruciating pain that you are experiencing right now.
Intelligent Design Advocate: AAAAH! THE PAIN!
Scientist: Frankly, I personally find it completely implausible that the random actions of a scientist such as myself could cause pain of this particular kind. I have no precise explanation for why I find this hypothesis implausible --- it just is. Your knee must have been designed that way!
Intelligent Design Advocate: YOU BASTARD! YOU KNOW YOU DID IT!
Scientist: I surely do not. How can we know anything for certain? Frankly, I think we should expose people to all points of view. Furthermore, you should really re-examine whether your hypothesis is scientific at all: the breaking of your kneecap happened in the past, so we can't rewind and run it over again, like a laboratory experiment. Even if we could, it wouldn't prove that I broke your kneecap the previous time. Plus, let's not even get into the fact that the entire universe might have just popped into existence right before I said this sentence, with all the evidence of my alleged kneecap-breaking already pre-formed.
Intelligent Design Advocate: That's a load of nonsensical sophistry! Get me a doctor and a lawyer, not necessarily in that order, and we'll see how that plays in court!
Scientist: (to audience) And so we see, ladies and gentlemen, when push comes to shove, advocates of Intelligent Design do not actually believe any of the arguments that they profess to believe. When it comes to matters that hit home, they prefer evidence, the scientific method, testable hypotheses, and naturalistic explanations. In fact, they strongly privilege naturalistic explanations over supernatural hocus-pocus or metaphysical wankery. It is only within the reality-distortion field of their ideological crusade that they give credence to the flimsy, ridiculous arguments which we so commonly see on display. I must confess, it kind of felt good, for once, to be the one spouting free-form poppycock; it's so terribly easy and relaxing, compared to marshalling rigorous arguments backed up by empirical evidence. But I fear that if I were to continue, it could be habit-forming, and bad for my soul. Therefore, I bid you adieu.
Moderator: We're here today to debate the hot new topic, Evolution versus Intelligent Des---
(Scientist pulls out baseball bat.)
Moderator: Hey, what are you doing?
(Scientist breaks Intelligent Design Advocate's kneecap.)
Intelligent Design Advocate: YEAAARRRRGGGHHHH! YOU BROKE MY KNEECAP!
Scientist: Perhaps it only appears that I broke your kneecap. Certainly, all the evidence points to the hypothesis I broke your kneecap. For example, your kneecap is broken; it appears to be a fresh wound; and I am holding a baseball bat, which is spattered with your blood. However, a mere preponderance of evidence doesn't mean anything. Perhaps your kneecap was designed that way. Certainly, there are some features of the current situation that are inexplicable according to the "naturalistic" explanation you have just advanced, such as the exact contours of the excruciating pain that you are experiencing right now.
Intelligent Design Advocate: AAAAH! THE PAIN!
Scientist: Frankly, I personally find it completely implausible that the random actions of a scientist such as myself could cause pain of this particular kind. I have no precise explanation for why I find this hypothesis implausible --- it just is. Your knee must have been designed that way!
Intelligent Design Advocate: YOU BASTARD! YOU KNOW YOU DID IT!
Scientist: I surely do not. How can we know anything for certain? Frankly, I think we should expose people to all points of view. Furthermore, you should really re-examine whether your hypothesis is scientific at all: the breaking of your kneecap happened in the past, so we can't rewind and run it over again, like a laboratory experiment. Even if we could, it wouldn't prove that I broke your kneecap the previous time. Plus, let's not even get into the fact that the entire universe might have just popped into existence right before I said this sentence, with all the evidence of my alleged kneecap-breaking already pre-formed.
Intelligent Design Advocate: That's a load of nonsensical sophistry! Get me a doctor and a lawyer, not necessarily in that order, and we'll see how that plays in court!
Scientist: (to audience) And so we see, ladies and gentlemen, when push comes to shove, advocates of Intelligent Design do not actually believe any of the arguments that they profess to believe. When it comes to matters that hit home, they prefer evidence, the scientific method, testable hypotheses, and naturalistic explanations. In fact, they strongly privilege naturalistic explanations over supernatural hocus-pocus or metaphysical wankery. It is only within the reality-distortion field of their ideological crusade that they give credence to the flimsy, ridiculous arguments which we so commonly see on display. I must confess, it kind of felt good, for once, to be the one spouting free-form poppycock; it's so terribly easy and relaxing, compared to marshalling rigorous arguments backed up by empirical evidence. But I fear that if I were to continue, it could be habit-forming, and bad for my soul. Therefore, I bid you adieu.
QUOTE(Artemise @ Oct 18 2005, 01:27 PM)
Ok, Im not sure this is a joke bit it is wierd, REAL, starring Bush and Laura, Andy Card, Karl Rove , Gonzalez and Harriet Miers amongst others. This is how the White House amuses itself apparently when not attending to the affairs of the nation.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/2004/barneycam004.v.html
So much for restoring dignity to the White House.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/holiday/2004/barneycam004.v.html
So much for restoring dignity to the White House.
Oh dear. I watched this with mixed feelings.
33.3% "this is truly bad", 33.3% "don't they have anything better to do?", and 33.3% "OMG! This guy has his finger on the button! We're all going to die!" (that last bit in the style of Jack Hawkins while he's being carted off before the big battle in Zulu - e.g. "Yor orl gaying too DIEEE!")
Barney the Dog is clearly the only one involved with this who has a creative conscience, since he's the only one who ever makes it obvious that he's morttifyingly embarrassed to be involved in this mountain of cack. (Either that or he's a Democrat.)
And how come this hasn't been used as the motherlode of satire already? I mean, Harriet Myers couldn't string together three words without looking off-camera for someone to tell her what to say next (which bodes well for her USSC tenure), Karl Rove couldn't keep from smirking at the huge and spiffing joke he just (about) managed to pull off (on the American people?)... And, the only person in the whole thing who managed to put in an entirely naturalistic and unselfconscious performance was the President. So THAT'S all right then...
(This is where we need a "Run screaming for the hills" smiley.)
Apropos sentiments, Jules. I was thinking the same thing after viewing Artemise's link. That one might qualify for a thread in and of itself.
I responded alternatively with feelings of harmless yet un-entertaining fun and thoughts of "Let them eat cake" or "While Rome burned"
That is hilarious!
A little levity from scrappleface.com....
-------------------
Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY, today questioned Judge Samuel Alito's commitment to diversity noting that the Supreme Court nominee's last name is 60 percent vowels and only 40 percent consonants.
In perhaps the most substantive critique of President George Bush's nominee to date, the senator also noted that the federal appeals court judge's full name contains every vowel, but a disproportionately small percentage of consonants.
"Not only is Judge Alito's name too vowel-heavy for mainstream Americans," said Sen. Schumer. "But 'Alito' begins and ends with vowels, suggesting that vowels are the alpha and omega of the alphabet, and clearly denigrating the contribution of consonants to our society."
--------------
October 31, 2005
Schumer: Judge Alito ‘Hopelessly Overqualified’
by Scott Ott
(2005-10-31) — Federal Appeals Court Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr., President George Bush’s most recent Supreme Court nominee, is “hopelessly overqualified” for the nation’s highest court, according to Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY.
“While average Americans had urged the president to appoint someone in the Harriet Miers tradition,” said Sen. Schumer, “Bush disappoints them by picking a Princeton and Yale graduate who’s a veteran jurist with a sharp intellect and rich legal experience. All of that ability and wisdom will be wasted at the Supreme Court, where his main job is simply to update the Constitution.”
-------------------
Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY, today questioned Judge Samuel Alito's commitment to diversity noting that the Supreme Court nominee's last name is 60 percent vowels and only 40 percent consonants.
In perhaps the most substantive critique of President George Bush's nominee to date, the senator also noted that the federal appeals court judge's full name contains every vowel, but a disproportionately small percentage of consonants.
"Not only is Judge Alito's name too vowel-heavy for mainstream Americans," said Sen. Schumer. "But 'Alito' begins and ends with vowels, suggesting that vowels are the alpha and omega of the alphabet, and clearly denigrating the contribution of consonants to our society."
--------------
October 31, 2005
Schumer: Judge Alito ‘Hopelessly Overqualified’
by Scott Ott
(2005-10-31) — Federal Appeals Court Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr., President George Bush’s most recent Supreme Court nominee, is “hopelessly overqualified” for the nation’s highest court, according to Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY.
“While average Americans had urged the president to appoint someone in the Harriet Miers tradition,” said Sen. Schumer, “Bush disappoints them by picking a Princeton and Yale graduate who’s a veteran jurist with a sharp intellect and rich legal experience. All of that ability and wisdom will be wasted at the Supreme Court, where his main job is simply to update the Constitution.”
I don't think this is so much a joke as it is just political satire.
You can apprently purchase a keychain counting down
the presidents days in office.
Just a novelty I stumbled upon....
You can apprently purchase a keychain counting down
the presidents days in office.
Just a novelty I stumbled upon....
An amusing diversion:
Ragdoll Bush
Ragdoll Bush
God announces plan to cut non-essential humans
by John Breneman
Citing a burgeoning, unruly populace and dwindling natural resources, God today unveiled a plan to streamline the operations of Planet Earth Inc. by eliminating an estimated 30 million positions.
A PR spokesman for the Lord said He is "sick and tired" of humans abusing His bountiful creation and breaking all Ten Commandments as if they weren't even etched in stone.
"'Thou shalt not kill' just doesn't resonate with the modern generation today," said Ward O'DeLord. "We're thinking of changing it to, 'Don't friggin' kill each other you morons.'"
Man's self-destructive behavior, it seems, has put the Heavenly Bossman in a smiting mood.
"The hurricanes are just the beginning. The Big Guy just goes like this," said DeLord, pursing his lips and blowing a puff of air. "Oh, there's gonna be tsunamis, pestilence, 40 days and 40 nights of monsoon acid rain. He's considering a Category 5 locust infestation on Wall Street."
A source close to God's assistant undersecretary for Human Affairs said certain categories of people are targeted to receive a lightning bolt in the @&#, among them psychopaths, pedophile priests and terrorist nimrods. As part of the downsizing, arrogant politicians and corporate criminals around the world will be getting the old cardiac pink slip.
The Celestial Enquirer is reporting that the Omniscient One's long-term vision calls for a United Nations-like governmental and economic agency led by a bipartisan coalition of chimps and dolphins.
by John Breneman
Citing a burgeoning, unruly populace and dwindling natural resources, God today unveiled a plan to streamline the operations of Planet Earth Inc. by eliminating an estimated 30 million positions.
A PR spokesman for the Lord said He is "sick and tired" of humans abusing His bountiful creation and breaking all Ten Commandments as if they weren't even etched in stone.
"'Thou shalt not kill' just doesn't resonate with the modern generation today," said Ward O'DeLord. "We're thinking of changing it to, 'Don't friggin' kill each other you morons.'"
Man's self-destructive behavior, it seems, has put the Heavenly Bossman in a smiting mood.
"The hurricanes are just the beginning. The Big Guy just goes like this," said DeLord, pursing his lips and blowing a puff of air. "Oh, there's gonna be tsunamis, pestilence, 40 days and 40 nights of monsoon acid rain. He's considering a Category 5 locust infestation on Wall Street."
A source close to God's assistant undersecretary for Human Affairs said certain categories of people are targeted to receive a lightning bolt in the @&#, among them psychopaths, pedophile priests and terrorist nimrods. As part of the downsizing, arrogant politicians and corporate criminals around the world will be getting the old cardiac pink slip.
The Celestial Enquirer is reporting that the Omniscient One's long-term vision calls for a United Nations-like governmental and economic agency led by a bipartisan coalition of chimps and dolphins.
from scrappleface.com...
November 11, 2005
GOP Elects House Majority Minority Leader
by Scott Ott
(2005-11-11) — Moments after failing to muster enough votes to pass a $51 billion deficit reduction bill in the House, even after dropping a controversial oil exploration provision, Republicans moved to elect a New Hampshire lawmaker to the newly-created post of House Majority Minority Leader.
November 11, 2005
GOP Elects House Majority Minority Leader
by Scott Ott
(2005-11-11) — Moments after failing to muster enough votes to pass a $51 billion deficit reduction bill in the House, even after dropping a controversial oil exploration provision, Republicans moved to elect a New Hampshire lawmaker to the newly-created post of House Majority Minority Leader.
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